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Relationship: An Essay in Comparison (1 Viewer)

R

Rosie

Relationship:
An Essay in comparison

We, two, different people, similar in application are different if you look close. Though we act almost the same the reasons therein are not.​


We, In some things, are quite different:

You, your fractured sexuality, your tainted past love.​
Me, my fractured mind, my tainted emotional state.​

Two incidents of innocence lost, willingly, unwillingly, both wrong.​
You held no illusion of Forever and I held illusions of Never.​
You were right and wrong to be.​
I was wrong but should have been right.​
Mine was taken and yours was given.​
Thus I couldn’t give and you couldn’t stop.​

You now fear a physical taint,​
Deathly afraid of death in your blood.​
I, now ready​
To give you everything,​

You are more then good enough,​
In your parent’s eyes.​
I will never do enough to earn the approval of mine.​
You strive for an acceptance you already have,​
While I scorn one I shall never get.​
What an odd oxymoron​
We two compared become.​

In career I know that I can do it,​
But have no idea how.​
You are well on your way​
Yet doubt your ability.​

I know what I want​
And can not have it.​
You could have almost anything​
But don’t know that you’d like​

How oddly it is​
Well practiced You​
Fear what you might give me​
And I​
Without the relaxation of long experience​
Seek with open arms​
This physicality of love.​
I who know love​
And you who know sex​

I greatly desire to face this world​
Yet almost never have I​
You wish not to face it
Yet have to constantly​

I cannot let go of the past​
And you cannot see the future​


And in ways much the same:

We both want to make this world a better place​
To set it on fire​
And watch the rains make it new.​

We both love words​
Though your love is studied​
Mine wild and indiscrete​
I envy you, you envy me.​

You seek in your sexuality to please​
I seek this in mine too.​
Both of us accept our personal need for pleasure​
But put above our own need that of our lovers.​
Which consequentially fuels our own.​

What a lovely battle we will ever have​
What perfect paradox create​
When we come together.​
Never to stop, only resting for a time​
Before, in fire, our passions are joined​
To again in war make-love.​
Each equally giving in​
And taking control​
Neither victor, your or I​
But We.​

We both are good to everyone​
In advice and care​
Yet ever poor in both of these​
Only to ourselves​

We both hate to ask for help​
To cry, or weakness show​
Yet both of us, we long to have​
Someone in whom to confide.​
Someone we can lean on​
When we find ourselves weak and drained​
From our efforts to be strong.​

Both of us, we fear to trust​
Yet inspire it so easily​
The two of us who would never betray​
Fear betrayal endlessly.​

We, who listen to the secrets of all,​
To all a confidant​
Fear constantly the revelation​
Of secrets that are ours.​

We feel guilt and shame easily​
Yet show only strength and pride​
Both of us are very proud​
Fighting even when we know we’re wrong​
To never be seen as so​

We give far beyond our means​
To our own detriment​
Because it’s so hard to say ‘No’​
When you only want to give.​
Yet half of what we really want​
Is just to be seen as nice.​

We beat ourselves for weaknesses​
Neither of us can help​
And refuse to forgive ourselves​
When we slip the tiniest bit.​

Willing to go a thousand miles​
For one we care about​
Yet afraid to take a single step​
For only ourselves.​


Still others, different, yet the same:



You grew up feeling safe and loved​
Repressed and never good-enough.​
I, always in danger, unloved and alone​
Grew to be without shame and see myself better then them.​
Yet both of us gained strength, self expression​
And a love for those around us.​


You seek always to prove yourself to others,​
I, to only myself,​
Both seeking approval.​

I seek a home of my own​
Because I’ve never had one.​
You seek the same because you know​
How good a home can be.​


Yet:
All these things​
Both good and bad​
Both different and the same​
Are why I choose to think​
That you and I, perfectly flawed​
Would fit perfectly Together​

We could keep each other focused​
We can make each other see​
Past despair and pain, fear and hate​
To how amazing things could be​

You will teach me​
Of all the things I lack​
And I in turn will take the torch​
And teach you right back​

You’ll push me forward​
And hold me up​
And I’ll do the same for you​
I can for once accept help​
I’ll even ask for it​


I can trust you,​
Though it makes no sense​
And I think you feel the same​
If we look, this could be​
Everything we’re looking for​
Fulfillment to all we lack​
And use for talents all.​
Together if we let ourselves​
We have the chance for what is rare:​
Happiness.​


So let's ignore how crazy this might come to be​
Let us throw our much-loved caught​
Away to the four winds​
For though to an outside eye​
We might look less then wise​
Let’s give this the fighting chance
To be Our Lifelong-Romance.​
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
sorry, but it's too annoying to read, centered as it is... even if you meant this to be poetry, it shouldn't be... that only works for greeting cards and embroidered wall hangings...

love and hugs, maia
 
R

Rosie

Don't be sorry, i know it's a weird..item. I don't even know what to call it, it's not supposed to be poetry, though i know it came out almost like it.
This is just something that flowed from me in this VERY odd format a few nights ago. It seemed to strange i typed it up from the note pad where i'd scibbled it, cleaned it up a little bit and posted it wondering if anyone else has ever had moments like this.

Would it be easier to read if i wasn't formatted?
 
P

paulpark

Hi Rosie,

take what I say with a pinch of salt because I'm not well practised in giving critiques but I do have an opinion.

I found it a little confusing. I wasn't really sure about what you were (are) trying to say. Also some of the words you use seem a little out of place ("application" in the first line and "incidents of innocence lost" - though they sound nice, I'm not sure about the meaning...).

Anyway, it's better than anything I could do at the moment!
 
R

Rosie

Paul: It's understandable that you're confused, as I myself am a little confused by this piece, lol. When I started writing it I had no idea what I was trying to do, when I ended it I was trying to make it a piece comparing myself to a man I’ve recently met. The two of us are very alike, but the reasons we act the way we do are very different. He and I fell in love and I think, looking back over this, it's almost a letter two him about us. I posted it because I thought it was an interesting comparison of two human natures.

I should probably rewrite this with less flourish and more prose. Thanks for the comment =)

Maia: I think i AM going to totally rewrite this in a new format. Check again in a day or so if you're still interested and thanks to you also =)
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
I should probably rewrite this with less flourish and more prose.

...a wise decision...

Maia: I think i AM going to totally rewrite this in a new format. Check again in a day or so if you're still interested and thanks to you also =)

...will do...
 
W

wolfmaiden14

I'd say, yes, it needs work and clarity. You seem to know what needs done already with the more prose and less flourish comment.

I have to say though.. being that I just went through darn near the same thing.. this peice really really touched me. I can understand it perfectly, at least to my own interpretation, because I think you just dipped into my soul and found the words I had been looking for for almost a year now. I really hope you continue to work on this, and if you do, please keep me posted!
 

americanwriter

Senior Member
Change only one word.

Rosie,

I'm not usually a connoisseur of poetry, but I do know what I like. This is well done. I recommend taking a second look at only one word.

"We might look less then wise"

I think you mean "than" not "then".
 
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