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Proposed new challenge: The Paragraph Prompt (2 Viewers)

Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
I hope I did this right...

Perched upright on the stanhope leather buggy seat, Reverend Thompson was carried by red spoke wheels and sheltered by a worn black canopy. A ray of sun broke through a rip and highlighted the bible he held tightly. The binding was now damp from the grasp of the gentle brown hand. His other hand wiped the hot, nervous sweat from his brow. The driver jerked the reins backwards, and the horse stopped abruptly with a parched neigh, dropping its head in preparation for a drink from the trough below. A waft of fresh manure smell intensified as the Reverend stepped down into the wet mud splashing up onto his boots.
Glad I remembered my green Wellingtons, he thought. Adjusting his clerical black coat and white-collar, he proudly prepared himself for the sermon. It was Blake’s farm. It had been awhile.

 
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Foxee

Patron
Patron
I'll mention since we're commenting on how these paragraphs work that the original paragraph sounds like it is from the POV of someone watching the reverend arrive who doesn't particularly like or trust the reverend. The 'potholes' for eyes give this minister of the soul such marked soullessness that I wanted to keep that if that is the intent.

I found it hard to know if this 'carriage' was a carriage or a wagon. The first I think is more carefully shaped, the second is a box on wheels, essentially. The differing size wheels are the main indication to me that it is a 'carriage' but when the description termed it an 'open topped package crate' I thought it was a wagon again. For my paragraph I'll go with the 'carriage' idea.

The preacher's open-topped carriage pulled up, the gray horse drooping between its shafts as though carrying the weight of its master's message through the mud. The Reverend Thompson sat bolt upright at the reins, eyes potholed under a floppy khaki hat. Rusted springs squeaked as he stepped down, green wellington boots ready for the weather, white collar gleaming. He approached the house, smile in place on the crags of his hawk-nosed face. As he walked his finger tapped a hypnotic beat on the Bible he held, a subliminal indication of where the enthralled should meet.

ETA: If this is intended to be in the backwoods USA the term 'carriage' should probably be replaced by 'buggy'. (Just now realized this a day after writing the above paragraph.)
 
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TheMightyAz

Staff member
Mentor
I'll mention since we're commenting on how these paragraphs work that the original paragraph sounds like it is from the POV of someone watching the reverend arrive who doesn't particularly like or trust the reverend. The 'potholes' for eyes give this minister of the soul such marked soullessness that I wanted to keep that if that is the intent.

I found it hard to know if this 'carriage' was a carriage or a wagon. The first I think is more carefully shaped, the second is a box on wheels, essentially. The differing size wheels are the main indication to me that it is a 'carriage' but when the description termed it an 'open topped package crate' I thought it was a wagon again. For my paragraph I'll go with the 'carriage' idea.

The preacher's open-topped carriage pulled up, the gray horse drooping between its shafts as though carrying the weight of its master's message through the mud. The Reverend Thompson sat bolt upright at the reins, eyes potholed under a floppy khaki hat. Rusted springs squeaked as he stepped down, green wellington boots ready for the weather, white collar gleaming. He approached the house, smile in place on the crags of his hawk-nosed face. As he walked his finger tapped a hypnotic beat on the Bible he held, a subliminal indication of where the enthralled should meet.

ETA: If this is intended to be in the backwoods USA the term 'carriage' should probably be replaced by 'buggy'. (Just now realized this a day after writing the above paragraph.)

Yeah, I'll be doing a little research into farming and 'buggies' when I get the first write through finished. What I've taken from this paragraph is 'RESEARCH'! lol
 

RGS

Senior Member
Darrowdale. The very name invoked a certain feeling, that familiar sensation among the villagers as they arose to face another day. The sights, the sounds, the smells. It all conspired to reinforce that feeling of belonging as they gazed upon the surrounding mountain peaks, those grand guardians of the Eldmoore valley, lit up like fire by the early morning sun. The cockerel heralded another day of life as the brisk, cool breeze carried the promise of a new beginning.
 
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