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[pride 2] (double senryu) LANGUAGE WARNING! (1 Viewer)

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
waves at sunbathers
they smile and return his waves
ocean engulfs him

someone throws a ring
"Water's warm - fuck off," man glugs
fish supper tonight
 

Cris V

Senior Member
I've read this a couple of times and hope I read it right, lol. Man's pride is too much to take the thrown ring and he drowns?

Anyways, I'll go with that for now. The pride shows through so well in "Water's warm - fuck off,". The glug makes me think he shouldn't have told whoever to fuck off. The form works very well.

Living by a popular beach where swimmers succumb to rip tides and even very experienced swimmers have drowned, I know quickly a lovely warm swim can turn deadly.
 

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
Yes, the pride was part of it, as was the sunbathers' waving back because they couldn't tell the difference between someone waving a greeting and someone who was drowning - at least until he started sinking. It sums up a dance I witnessed many times as a child. The fish supper was a little twist about the fish supping on him after he drowned. Grisly git, aren't I? :)
 
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