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Predatory Prey (1 Viewer)

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
A snake wrapped around my shoulder
and hissed as I brought him back to the wild
biting me as I talked down upon him
infecting me with my own poison

The snake on my shoulder
coiled around my neck
tightening until a new breath was designed
teaching me how to sense with a quickened tongue
and shed my own skin with predatory pride
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
A snake wrapped around my shoulder
and hissed as I brought him back to the wild
biting me as I talked down upon him
infecting me with my own poison

The snake on my shoulder
coiled around my neck
tightening until a new breath was designed
teaching me how to sense with a quickened tongue
and shed my own skin with predatory pride

Lovely. Great sarcasm. It was like showing mirror to ourselves, and the guilt trying to escape through excuses of self pity for doing wrong. But then again caught inside the trap of ego, again getting back in manipulation, this time more prepared to deal with the consequences, because of earlier experience. I don't know if I interpreted it rightly but I felt it that way.

Thanks Annie for sharing it here.

Ritu
 
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happy-hippie

Senior Member
A snake wrapped around my shoulder
and hissed as I brought him back to the wild
biting me as I talked down upon him
infecting me with my own poison

The snake on my shoulder
coiled around my neck
tightening until a new breath was designed
teaching me how to sense with a quickened tongue
and shed my own skin with predatory pride
I guess the beauty of this is it can be interpreted many ways. It speaks to me of becoming like the predator, giving them a taste of their own medicine but poisoning yourself in the process, until you are no longer yourself. You become that which you were protecting yourself from. Imagery is great. Says so much in a very creative way.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

From this I get a sense of the ouroboros, for me and I think it has been touched upon by other readers but I get a sense that the prey and the predator are one in the same. For me this piece is almost about self critique and not allowing that to descend into self hate. The way in which it can end up poisoning you.

If I had to make a suggestion, would lengthen the piece’s structure and making it long and thin help to evoke the sense of a snake? Might seem a bit trite, but it could add another layer.

Thank you

Syd
 
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