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Precious (1 Viewer)

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
57ed3e01965e15edc03279a8de067281.jpg


J.h
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Visually I like the aesthetic a lot, it’s pared back, clean and crisp. I think these days we all need to think a little about how we present our work as visually that’s the first impression you make on the reader.

In terms of content and how the piece reads, I think you do well to create something that has cadence and a good flow to it, especially when you’re utilising short lines, no punctuation and relying on the line breaks for your pauses. I would say that I think you could create a piece with more rhythm by playing with lineation and length to give the piece more of a varied ebb and flow but that’s just personal preference.

In terms of content I’m a little confused, in parts it feels like the speaker is an adult yearning to escape the confines of their life, yet the denouement seems to imply that it’s actually a child dreaming. Perhaps I am wrong in my reading but for me it works better as an adult yearning to escape.

Cheers

Syd
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Hello,

Visually I like the aesthetic a lot, it’s pared back, clean and crisp. I think these days we all need to think a little about how we present our work as visually that’s the first impression you make on the reader.

In terms of content and how the piece reads, I think you do well to create something that has cadence and a good flow to it, especially when you’re utilising short lines, no punctuation and relying on the line breaks for your pauses. I would say that I think you could create a piece with more rhythm by playing with lineation and length to give the piece more of a varied ebb and flow but that’s just personal preference.

In terms of content I’m a little confused, in parts it feels like the speaker is an adult yearning to escape the confines of their life, yet the denouement seems to imply that it’s actually a child dreaming. Perhaps I am wrong in my reading but for me it works better as an adult yearning to escape.

Cheers

Syd

Thank you very much Syd.
When I wrote it, it was an adult yearning to escape as you said, ie me.

Thank You [emoji120]
 
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