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Prayers (1 Viewer)

I pray for my love
On the battlefield
Amongst liars and monsters
They scratch at her heels
And
throw sand in her eyes
Furious
For they will never possess her soul
I
cradle it
in
my
pockets
They're Mine(s)
Until I have to empty them
Scraps of goodness
Burned by mistakes and bad blood
I will return them to her
Whole
When the nightmares are over
Mended with
my whispered
prayers
 
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Reactions: PiP

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I like this a lot, I think it does well to evoke a feeling of concern for a loved one while they’re away in battle and the effects this has on those left behind.

My only criticism would be the portion on pockets as it seems a little confused, is it one pocket/one soul or pockets/multiple souls?

Once that’s been cleared up, I think you’re onto something

Cheers

Syd
 
I pray for my love
On the battlefield
Amongst liars and monsters
They scratch at her heels
And
throw sand in her eyes
Furious
For they will never possess her soul
I
cradle it
in
my
pockets
They're Mine(s)
Until I have to empty them
Scraps of goodness
Burned by mistakes and bad blood
I will return them to her
Whole
When the nightmares are over
Mended with
my whispered
prayers
Interestingly, I read this as your ability to love-not the person you love-being under attack. I love the imagery and how the poem flows. I love the line "they're mine(s) and all that it could mean. Very nice poem. Thank you for sharing.
 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
and just to confuse the issue I hate the mine(s) brought me straight to "Gollum speak" and that ruined the poem for me.
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
I love the play on the word "mine(s)". Just that aspect alone displays a lot of creativity. I also am captivated by the idea of praying for ones own love.
The only edit I would make is to make the words "in my pockets" within the same line.
Great piece, thank you for sharing!

-Annie
 
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