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(Potentially Offensive) The Art of Seduction (1 Viewer)

natifix

Senior Member
I miss standing behind you. Watching the reflections of our shadows merge into one craft on the wall, as we marry together in unison. You, standing there perfectly still, following my lead. Capturing your every trace, exposing every feel, breathing them back into my being.

You stand closer, holding that part of the prize for us to glorify. We both shiver in each others' presence. As you grasp my hand, gently leading towards my fingertips, trailing the lace of your blouse to the heated center where we so desperately want to go. As if you are reading my mind, taking us exactly where we need to be.

My breath folds onto your neck and pushes down gently. Your muscles tense. I wait for your relaxation. Projecting your will to submit, we move in together. Wrapping around each other inside, pushing back and pulling forth, exploring all we have at this moment. You push for a deeper connection.

You make me shake inside with uncapturable energy, but I insist on holding it in. Waiting for your right away, guiding me to the center, deep within. Pushing against, holding it in, waiting for your release.

I am waiting for you . . .
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Really interesting piece here, I like personally like prose poetry and this doesn’t disappoint in the way that it takes the reader and delivers them a story to immerse themselves in, even if it is only for a moment. There is a sensual nature and feel to this piece which really comes across to the reader.

This being said, I don’t feel like there is enough poetic urgency for you to truly call this prose poetry, I think it can read as only prose and for me there has to be some sort of rhythm or metre that creates a greater poetic feel throughout.

Perhaps even playing with the lineation would help, keep the longer more flowing lines, but use unusual line breaks to shake what the reader is expecting when the first sit down to read the piece. For me I sit down and I almost expect a regular syntax, so something a little unconventional and uncomfortable would really help to give the piece a different feel and urgency.

Hope this helps somewhat

Cheers

Syd
 

natifix

Senior Member
Yea, cheers. Feel free to play around with it if you like.

I don't know much about writing, but I have an ability to express myself deeply and creatively. I just kinda figured this category is where I could share it. If there is a better sub forum, perhaps a mod can movie it?

I will try to play around with it to make it more structured and such, but it does require me to do a lil research before hand, which is what I want. I need to learn. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experience on this and I am glad you felt some sensuality with it. I shared this on Craigslist, before it was flagged for removal lol, but got an email reply and that person said they were shaking . . . could only imagine what they were doing xD Don't know if it was a male or a female but it surely made them hot.

I wrote this randomly when I was feeling rather intimate and lonely. The intention was to see if I can't personally reach out to my reader and make them feel what I was feeling, thinking, missing . . . something to the depths of my being. My perception and view of a past time, perhaps. Insight.
 
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