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Pomegranate Girl (1 Viewer)

sometimes she wonders
what drives her men away.
they won’t enjoy her fully,
as a present is only wonderful
if it is tied with crimson bows.
instead they will pick apart her body,
gnawing at her till only her bones
are visible to the eye.
her men are the most magnificent
forms of greed, devouring her whole.
maybe that’s why she resides in
temporary joy.
bow legged and sensitive to touch,
she decays in the hands of men
who never loved her yet seeked
solace in her pomegranate fleshed skin.
 

LoveofWriting

Senior Member
Beautiful! Feels like something written in the 19th century (without those archaic sounding words) I also find that the ending was interesting enough for me. I think you could explain what a pomegranate flesh skin is? I don't understand that.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Yanna, nice to meet you, welcome to WF, I really like your poem, I keep on coming back to read it, there is power in you words, you have some really strong lines and phrases. I like your 'pomegranate fleshed skin' ending, that works well for me. Good to see you here, all the best PG
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
How cleverly you have explored the vulnerability of the girl in your poem yet found, not fault in the men, but a helpless need. A mature and insightful poem that examines the sadness of the human condition with delicate sensitivity. The only suggestion I would make is about the change of tense in the penultimate line. For me, it would read better as, who never love her yet seek but maybe that's just me? Good poem.
 

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
To add to what Jen said, if you decide to keep the past tense, you might prefer sought to seeked.
Lovely poem, even though I'm not a carnivore :)
 

Llyralen

Senior Member
I agree with the seek or sought. I like seek, gives the idea that it is all still happening. Pomegranate flesh doesn't need any clarity for me.
When you brought in the idea of men being a magnificent form of greed, I wondered if the poem was going to shift to her possessing greed, The poem did not shift, the men continue to display and perform acts that show they feel the greed. I would rewrite just the few words needed to make that clear. It kind of reminds me of Leonard Cohen's heart-breaking Hallelujah, only from the female perspective, which I think is important. Well done.
 
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