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Doc, by Jinxi certainly works well, though it is very wordy in places, consider,
“Looking around at the few men who have managed to live through this”
Which could so easily be ‘Looking round at the few survivors’
“The supplies were supposed to arrive today
But we received word that they are not coming at all
We do not have enough food, warm clothing or ammunition
To make it through another day”
Which would be tidier, and more telling, as,
‘Supplies were supposed to arrive today.
We received word they are not coming at all.
We do not have food, clothing or ammunition
To make it through another day.’
Nevertheless there is an affinity with the subject that makes it one of my favourite poems.
Don't worry, this is a challenge rather than a competition, it is yourself you are challenging. A poll and a winner are necessary to set the next challenge, but in many ways we are all winners if we stretch ourselves a little and learn a little.I am not sure who voted for my poem or why, but thanks. As a newbie, to the website and to writing, it is a little daunting to just jump right in with my thoughts.