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Pan (1 Viewer)

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Wendy had struggled for years
from the age of three ,
crying uncontrollably
Pulling the cats tale ,

Many years passed from visits to
the doctors and specialists.
Her parents
were so worried,
how could a child so young
create neverland about a
boy who wouldn’t grow up.

A full dreamland was created from
Wendy’s child mind
Full of pirates adventures
and a charming flying boy
who flew her away.

Wendy flew away in the world
she created, as things were
not as they seemed at home.

Wendy suffered a traumatic experience
when she was dropped at just age two.
The drop caused Wendy severe
damage but created a beautiful mind.

This is a a tale of despair
Wendy now uses her beautiful mind
To help other children
In need of care.




J.
 
Last edited:

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

This is an interesting departure from what you’ve shared with us previously. For me I really like the concept and the modernisation/darkening of these stories that we all grew up with. It gives me an Angela Carter like vibe, which is no bad thing. For me I would like more poetic urgency to the piece, I feel like it is the beginning of a prose piece chopped up into stanzas. It wouldn’t take a lot but I want more lyricism and movement to the piece.

Cheers

Syd
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Hi,

I completely understand what you mean.
I was thinking about twisted tales, and how I could use them to create something out of the ordinary.
I feel that it is missing that something that moves the reader emotionally and that it could have quite good potential.
To be honest I didn’t take enough time with it.
I greatly appreciate your honesty and help.
Thanks again.

J.
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
Very dark twist on a mind that see's the world in a different way.
I like the double meaning of "tale" in the first stanza.
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Very dark twist on a mind that see's the world in a different way.
I like the double meaning of "tale" in the first stanza.

Thank you Annie, I think this type of poetry or story telling is a bit out of my comfort zone.
But this is what I need, to fail many times to improve my work.
Thank you very much.

J.h
 
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