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Oxford Road (1 Viewer)

BostonsOwn

Senior Member
There is nobody left to blame
Not that I blamed anyone but myself
It’s been so long though
Since I had myself to myself

And I’m starting to forget who I was
Or who I am
Or if it matters

All I have are memories
All I have is Mike Patton to remind me:

*I'm trying so hard to act like nothing happened*

*I'm trying so hard to find that fresh clean smell!!!*

I don’t know how long I’ve been in this box
I don’t know why i don’t just get out
It’s not as if I’m comfortable here
It’s not as if I can ever be home

But it reminds me of home

And there is nobody here

I call out
And hear the feedback echo
From an argument long ago
There is nobody here
There is nobody left to blame
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I think this feels immediate, I get a sense of the speaker being in the moment, it’s almost as if there is no real separation between the event or feelings that inspired the speaker to write this piece. It’s very much of the now. For me I think the kind of emotions you are trying to evoke are a little oblique because of this, I would suggest taking a step away and try and add a sense of distance to this piece. I would argue that in doing so you would then be better equipped to show rather than tell the reader what the narrator is feeling.

Really looking forward to see where you take this piece.

Cheers

Syd
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
Those two lines - It’s been so long though, Since I had myself to myself - caught my attention and made me want to read more. I like the atmosphere of loss, regret and shame that you have created here.

For me, an intriguing poem about a relationship, a mistake and regret. Powerful stuff!

Not sure that the final stanza is needed but, other than that, this one is faultless for me.
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
Speaks to me of that sweet, sad, melancholy space where the heart is wanting to move on but it's not quite ready — even though it knows it can never go back.

I like it. I think your poem captures the process and the associated emotions quite well.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
There is nobody left to blame
Not that I blamed anyone but myself
It’s been so long though
Since I had myself to myself

And I’m starting to forget who I was
Or who I am
Or if it matters

All I have are memories
All I have is Mike Patton to remind me:

*I'm trying so hard to act like nothing happened*

*I'm trying so hard to find that fresh clean smell!!!*

I don’t know how long I’ve been in this box
I don’t know why i don’t just get out
It’s not as if I’m comfortable here
It’s not as if I can ever be home

But it reminds me of home

And there is nobody here

I call out
And hear the feedback echo
From an argument long ago
There is nobody here
There is nobody left to blame


I love that you used the same line to start and end this poem... Sometimes we learn to accept the box we find ourselves in, we may not like it, but we stay there because it feels familiar...change can be scary and takes a LOT of courage...thank you for sharing...
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
I love this piece. I feel as though if I am ever in that "alone" state again this piece would comfort me. I've been here. Living for others and not focusing on yourself, but then when you try you come up with nothing. Noticing you're trapped in a box, but then not putting in as much effort as you can to get out because that has become the normal, the "home like" feel.
You put this feeling into word very nicely. You're very talented. Please don't hesitate to post more.

-Annie
 

AnnieJay

Senior Member
Those two lines - It’s been so long though, Since I had myself to myself - caught my attention and made me want to read more. I like the atmosphere of loss, regret and shame that you have created here.

For me, an intriguing poem about a relationship, a mistake and regret. Powerful stuff!

Not sure that the final stanza is needed but, other than that, this one is faultless for me.

I agree with everything JenThePen said here. The same two lines really struck a cord with me too. I loved this piece. Thank you for sharing!

-AnnieJay
 
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