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OUTLAW (1 Viewer)

Carmen

Senior Member
im an outlaw, runaway and skippin
im an outlaw
and there wont be any trippin
cause im an outlaw

so you better watch your back
cause im an outlaw
i be chekin out your pockets
cause im an outlaw

ill steal away your daughters
im an outlaw
youll never no what hit ya
cause im an outlaw

im on the 10 most wanted
im an outlaw
and ill never stop my runnin
cause im an outlaw

there wont be no new begginin
im an outlaw
no place to rest my head
cause im an outlaw

my storys almost endin
im an outlaw
the noose is awaitin
cause im an outlaw


im boring myself
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
im an outlaw, runaway and skippin
im an outlaw
and there wont be any trippin
cause im an outlaw

so you better watch your back
cause im an outlaw
i be chekin out your pockets
cause im an outlaw

ill steal away your daughters
im an outlaw
youll never no what hit ya
cause im an outlaw

im on the 10 most wanted
im an outlaw
and ill never stop my runnin
cause im an outlaw

there wont be no new begginin
im an outlaw
no place to rest my head
cause im an outlaw

my storys almost endin
im an outlaw
the noose is awaitin
cause im an outlaw


im boring myself

Hi Carmen, I like your poem. I read it aloud and liked the rhythm, but thought it had a better roll, like more of a chant, or the canter of a horse without a few of the words. I've highlighted those words in black. Try reading it out aloud and see what you think. It might not work for you. I noticed a fair few spelling and punctuation errors, but I don't think outlaws generally care about that sort of thing, so they fit into the poem well in that sense. Even add to it. I loved the ending. Its exceptionally rare that I have a full on belly laugh. Even rarer from reading a poem. I was proper gostering. I absolutely love that ending. Don't let anyone tell you to get rid of it. All the best PG
 

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
At first I didn't like this- It felt like it was put together on the fly without much thought or from a bored poet. But it grated on my mind and I read it a few more times. It's something about this piece that tugs at you. I kept hearing I'm an Outlaw, I'm an Outlaw and I'm boring myself. And you know what I started to like this piece. It seems it was written by a novice poet but it's not.

warmest
bob
 
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