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Out of Mexico (Part One) (1 Viewer)

S

SFenton

This happened some years back. I've got three sample chapters being edited for submission. This is a rough draft. Comments welcome.
 

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  • OUT OF MEXICO 2.doc
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C

ChrisL

I read this over, and though I found the writing very clean and well-done, it left me unsettled. After thinking about it, I think the problem is that you're too quick to jump to explanations. I like the intro, I like how you immediately grab readers' attention (lesson #1 of writing); but too soon you want to start explaining things. You start mentioning your son and the situation, and aside from everything getting cluttered and confusing, you don't let the suspense or interest build. You have a very interesting story, I suggest expanding on the scene -the very basics- and let the plot unfold naturally, slowly. (Re-reading now the first paragraph, and I stand by my critique, and might even be harsher: the first paragraph is confusing. Who's Buckman? What type of plane are you in? WHy are you listening? I think this whole selection could be expounded upon greatly -several more pages, at least. And don't forget the mantra, "ShHow, don't tell")

Finally, I have a pet-peeve about labeling things as "true story": it's a negative stigma and limits your potential, not to mention marketing potential (though the tabloids would disagree). Focus on writing a good story -while being true to yourself and the events- and afterwards let people ask "is this true?"
 
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