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Ossa Pneumaticae (1 Viewer)

Its time to take flight
That thing with feathers
No longer dodging stones
Free through the dark abyss.

Heave out the anguish.
Let the trill take your pain.
Fly high.
For you are free at last.

Gliding;
Fluttering;
Clamoring;
All for Pain?

Lunasees, Hope.
She will guide you.
Close your eyes;
And float.

Let Pain ebb into the darkness.
Heal.
This cosmic love wasn't meant to be.
But you can still fly.

And so you shall,
To great heights.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi there!
Thank you so much for reading. This is my first poem in almost a decade. Any and all feedback is welcome. Thank you again!
 
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good read, I'd consider reducing the use of the word Hope to 1 or even not use the word at all?

Hi dannyboy,

Thank you. I will most likely reduce it to using it once as I did want her to represent me as well as the emotion itself. Thanks again.

Best,
Freyja
 
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happy-hippie

Senior Member
Its time to take flight
That thing with feathers
No longer dodging stones
Free through the dark abyss.

Heave out the anguish.
Let the trill take your pain.
Fly high Hope.
For you are free at last.

Gliding;
Fluttering;
Clamoring;
For Pain.

Lunasees, Hope.
She will guide you.
Close your eyes Hope.
Float.

Let Pain ebb into the darkness.
Heal.
This cosmic love wasn't meant to be Hope.
But you can still fly.

And so you shall,
To great heights.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi there!
Thank you so much for reading. This is my first poem in almost a decade. Any and all feedback is welcome. Thank you again!

I really like your poem. It's tender and poweful at the same time. It encourages one and lets one know that they can get through and rise(at least that's how it reads to me).

I didn't understand the third stanza, but I thought about it and I think it's about that stage when one is holding on to a relationship(?), or holding onto something that causes pain because they don't know that there is better out there...

I enjoyed the read. It really is a heartwarming poem and lifted my spirits. Thank you for sharing.
 
Hi!

Thank you for your kind words.
Your interpretation of Stanza 3 is pretty spot on. I also wanted it to show how when someone is in pain for prolonged periods of time, it can become our new emotional baseline. The magnitude of sudden, limitless freedom, is absolutely uncomfortable and jarring. To accept so much pain, experiences, emotions and thoughts usually have to be numbed out or ignored. The weightlessness is an adjustment that should be happy and welcomed. Instead it forces you to confront the different things you numbed out or ignored. Its like opening that one cupboard you stuff with all the junk and it falls on top of you because it's simply overflowing. You had more important things to deal with up until now.

I wanted to show that from hope we draw on the strength to wade through the junk. And as you wade through it all be proud that you made the effort to deal with it in that moment. Even if you absolutely hate that you had to do it.

Thank you again!
 

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
For a first try in a decade this is a pretty damn good poem- it resonates--I'd take dannyboys advice lose some of those hope words- I's use only one the one on S4L1- the rest are redundant and it clogs up the flow.

I hope you continue to write poetry you got a flair for it....


warmest
bob
 
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