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On becoming happy - introduction to a book - corrections on writing style/grammar (1 Viewer)

rogerblingham

Senior Member
What if?

a. You can become happy just like that wherever you are. It does not matter what condition you are in. If you want to, you can make it right at this moment.

b. You can do away with complexities in your life just by modifying your thoughts using a simple model as support

c. You do not need to subscribe to any complex philosophies, exalted religions, grand scientific theories or any other esoteric practices to arrive at your happiness and remain there forever.

However, be forewarned! You may have to give up at least some of your fundamental beliefs and that may mean a lot! In giving up your beliefs, you may even lose your identity. Path to true happiness is riddled with these kinds of risks. It is worthwhile for only few people. Others can derive their feelings and pleasures from watching and admiring those few messiahs who willingly risk everything in their life.

There are no secrets in this world. The world does not hide anything from you. You are forgetful and because of that things become invisible to you or in other words become obvious. That is what I call as life hides. It hides more than it shows. It amounts to hiding things in the plain view. All those hidden things are always accessible to you and can be called as open secrets. You can bring all of them back into your visibility moment you desire to access them. It is not all madness on display. There is a method to madness.
 
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EmmaSohan

WF Veterans
What if?

a. You can become happy just like that wherever you are. It does not matter what condition you are in. If you want to, you can be happy right this moment.

[I can imagine you snapping your fingers when you say "that". But that's not easy to communicate. I tried italics. Usually you would say, mundanely, a. being happy is as simple as snapping your fingers. Do you want "would" and "were" instead of "does" and "are"? I will assume no.

b. You can do away with complexities in your life just by modifying your thoughts, using a simple model as support

c. You need not [simpler?] subscribe to any complex philosophies, exalted religions, grand scientific theories or any other esoteric practices to arrive at your happiness and remain there forever.

However, be forewarned! You may have to give up at least some of your fundamental beliefs, [comma] and that may mean a lot! In giving up your beliefs, you may even lose your identity. The path to true happiness is riddled with these kinds of risks. [I think you mean, risks like this.] It is worthwhile for only a few people. Others can derive their feelings and pleasures from watching and admiring those few messiahs who willingly risk everything in their life. [This sentence was not clear. Why would they watch? Does that path to happiness mean risking everything?]

There are no secrets in this world. The world does not hide anything from you. You are forgetful and because of that things become invisible to you or in other words become obvious. [something can't be invisible and obvious.] That is what I call Life Hides. [I am not sure what you meant.] It[life?] hides more than it shows. It [The thing life does] amounts to hiding things in the plain view. All those hidden things are always accessible to you [I think you mean to say potenially accessible?] and can be called as open secrets. You can bring all of them back into your visibility the moment you desire to access them. It is not all madness on display. [I didn't understand.] There is a method to madness.

Well, you asked. I liked the start. I think you are trying to write in an engaging way and mostly succeeding.

Some of it I'm not believing, like that I can be happy no matter what condition I am in. Some of it, like giving up my beliefs, is intriguing and makes me want to read more. Good job!
 

Plasticweld

Senior Member
I can't compete with Emma when it comes to SPaG so will only comment on the style.


It is too cryptic for me. Some how it comes across like any late night infomercial that says for $29.99 I can be happy and complete. I think as an intro you should introduce one problem and one solution. This would give you credibility and let the reader know that if you have figured out step one maybe you know the answer to the other questions in life
 

rogerblingham

Senior Member
Dear Plasticweld,

As always, you have been helpful in showing me the way. I will use these suggestions and improve on.
Thanks a lot.

RB
 

Blade

Creative Area Specialist (Fiction)
WF Veterans
It is too cryptic for me. Some how it comes across like any late night infomercial that says for $29.99 I can be happy and complete. I think as an intro you should introduce one problem and one solution. This would give you credibility and let the reader know that if you have figured out step one maybe you know the answer to the other questions in life

I would tend to agree. It is presented like a puzzle of some sort complete with possible trapdoors.

However, be forewarned! You may have to give up at least some of your fundamental beliefs and that may mean a lot! In giving up your beliefs, you may even lose your identity. Path to true happiness is riddled with these kinds of risks. It is worthwhile for only few people. Others can derive their feelings and pleasures from watching and admiring those few messiahs who willingly risk everything in their life

Introducing a simple problem/solution into the mix sounds like a good idea to me. It would also give you a platform for continuation.:encouragement:
 

Reichelina

Senior Member
What if?

a. You can become happy just like that ---> maybe you can use a one-word adjective such as 'fast', easy or something? Just an opinion.wherever you are. It does not matter what condition you are in. If you want to, you can make it right at this moment. ----> maybe you can put this two sentence together?
b. You can do away with complexities in your life just by modifying your thoughts ---> 'the way you think?' because I think we don't really get to control some of the random thoughts that come, but we can change how we think, WHEN we think. Right? using a simple model as support

c. You do not need to subscribe ---> Maybe there is a better term? to any complex philosophies, exalted religions, grand scientific theories or any other esoteric practices to arrive at your happiness and remain there forever.

However, be forewarned! You may have to give up at least some of your fundamental beliefs and that may mean a lot! In giving up your beliefs, you may even lose your identity. Path to true happiness is riddled with these kinds of risks. It is worthwhile for only few people. Others can derive their feelings and pleasures from watching and admiring those few messiahs who willingly risk everything in their life.

There are no secrets in this world. The world does not hide anything from you. You are forgetful and because of that things become invisible to you or in other words become obvious. That is what I call as life hides. It hides more than it shows. It amounts to hiding things in the plain view. All those hidden things are always accessible to you and can be called as open secrets. You can bring all of them back into your visibility moment you desire to access them. It is not all madness on display. There is a method to madness.

Hello, maybe you can get rid of the numbering and just enumerate without it? Just a suggestion.

Anyway, if you'll use this as an introduction to a book, (I will say this as kindly and as sweet as I can) but if I saw your book, I would not buy it.

There are no secrets in this world. The world does not hide anything from you.

If I already know it, why do I have to listen to you? You get the point? You're trying to attract readers but then this kills it.

[You are forgetful and because of that things become invisible to you or in other words become obvious. That is what I call as life hides. It hides more than it shows. It amounts to hiding things in the plain view. All those hidden things are always accessible to you and can be called as open secrets. You can bring all of them back into your visibility moment you desire to access them. It is not all madness on display. There is a method to madness

Now here, you say that they are "hiding" and that somehow, we already know the "secrets" and we just forget them.
In all of it, you never really stated nor gave a hint of what your book is about. You know, a specific TOPIC.

Those are my opinions as I read them, okay? They are just from a reader's perspective.
It would be better to state some facts. Maybe put up some statistics to back up some of your sentences.

Thanks for sharing that! :)
Have a nice day!
 

dither

Member
WF Veterans
What if?

a. You can become happy just like that wherever you are. It does not matter what condition you are in. If you want to, you can make it right at this moment.

b. You can do away with complexities in your life just by modifying your thoughts using a simple model as support

c. You do not need to subscribe to any complex philosophies, exalted religions, grand scientific theories or any other esoteric practices to arrive at your happiness and remain there forever.

However, be forewarned! You may have to give up at least some of your fundamental beliefs and that may mean a lot! In giving up your beliefs, you may even lose your identity. Path to true happiness is riddled with these kinds of risks. It is worthwhile for only few people. Others can derive their feelings and pleasures from watching and admiring those few messiahs who willingly risk everything in their life.

There are no secrets in this world. The world does not hide anything from you. You are forgetful and because of that things become invisible to you or in other words become obvious. That is what I call as life hides. It hides more than it shows. It amounts to hiding things in the plain view. All those hidden things are always accessible to you and can be called as open secrets. You can bring all of them back into your visibility moment you desire to access them. It is not all madness on display. There is a method to madness.


I would refer you to Escorial's signature.
 
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