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[No title] - a flash fiction (1 Viewer)

LunarFuror

Senior Member
Just an idea rolling around in my head for now.


Oft these demons rob me of sleep...

"How long will you continue to haunt me?" Sesh whispered "How long will you rob me of my sleep,
haunting my every memory and waking hour? How long until you set me free of these shackles,
forged of memories in the flames of my subconscious? I wish to sleep..." he trailed off.

Sesh was stood in his bedroom, a large open window, a four post bed, wooden floor. The wind blew
through the room like a stranger trespassing carelessly yet disturbing nothing, harmless, free.
He stood in the window looking out at the town below, looking at all he had, and all he had done.
The clear sky punctuated by light as though buckshot had torn a vale of darkness with reckless
abandon. He stared down seeing the shops and houses. Some lights on, empty streets.

As he turned from the window he saw them both, two men. They were his friends, they seemed
to come and greet him, he didn't hear them come in. He sat on the bed, head hanging low.

"You know you didn't have to do it, there were other ways." One spoke.

He was a taller man, broad shoulders, dark hair. Sesh seemed to remember him being a soldier.
He seemed to remember him being a good friend.

"Maybe..." Sesh replied "but what? The daemon had torn through what was left! My life was in
danger! That foul priest had placed the curse and the body contorted violently, then bloated,
this was not the same body that was on the table minutes before. What should I have done?"

The tall man only stood there in response. The shorter man stepped forward. He was round, balding.
Sesh recalled him being just a worker down in the boiler room. His name started with a 't'. Tony?

"Sir... I do forgive you your wrong doings, I'm just confused at your actions. You were always a
good man. If you look deep maybe there's a way you could be again." the short man spoke.

"Thank you Tony. You were a hard worker, kept the island going. It's strange why the priest picked
you two. Tony, always a good worker... keeping the heart's blood of the island pumping. Never once
had we fallen. And..." Sesh struggled.

He was struggling not for what to say, but for the tall man's name. It angered him. He knew this man
as a friend yet he remembered only the short man's name. He looked to see them. Perhaps seeing
their faces again would help.

"You... You were my friend. A soldier. No one ever took our towns and country. No one who challenged
us stood under your leadership... and my family was happy knowing you were there for us. You were
like an uncle to my son... my poor son." Sesh wept...

He stood to leave. He had to either fix or end things. He could not continue to live like this, yet somehow
he knew there would be more. As he walked past the men they became faint. It seemed the wind
picked up their skin and flesh like dust, leaving nothing but clothes and bones. The bones spoke.

"We know this is hard for you Sesh. We believe in you, don't let loose what you learned in your mistake
of taking our lives. You must search for another way to stop the priest."

Then the bones and clothing too was swept up in the breeze and whipped through the room, then finally
out the window. Sesh continued out the door. Though the night had fallen, he could not sleep now.


There it is! I only vaguely know where this would end up chronologically, sometime in act two. If you enjoyed I fully intend to write the full story over time. I'm just not sure if it'll be a series, or one off. I'd prefer a series. I appreciate you all reading this and feel free to make any corrections, I am told my grammar and punctuation can be horrible at times.

Looking back at this thread, I'd have it re titled "[No Title] - Snippet of a Story". I may have the wrong idea of what a flash fiction is :S

Thanks for reading!
 
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I don't think there's a better way for a writer to learn more of the craft than to visit this forum and read other authors' works. If that were happening to me, if people from my past came back to haunt me like that, taking away from me something as basic as being able to sleep, I'd be so terrified I would be forced to spend the rest of my days at a mental hospital, with all honesty. You are yet another writer on here that really made me feel for their character. When I read, I have the ability to really imagine myself there as if I were the main character and get in so deep it almost feels like I'm there to the point where these scenes frighten me sometimes, especially if I had read this at 1:33 AM EST instead of 1:33 PM EST like I'm doing now, I mean wow...you really know how to evoke emotion. I loved this! The way you presented the characters that Sesh was talking to and the raw emotion from those characters, too. The hurt. The pain that is so unbearable that it makes Sesh just lose his mind and live the rest of his life in sheer torment. Powerful story. It leaves me wondering what's gonna happen next. Another great read that keeps me on the edge of my seat wanting more. Will Sesh be able to escape the demons?
 

LunarFuror

Senior Member
Wow I almost cried at that compliment! Thank you so much! This story has been sort of a labor of love for me. I have the whole thing in my head but have had a hard time finding a medium for it to exist. It was actually the basis for a game my friend and I were going to make but scrapped because the scope of the project versus my expectations were not going to work. I may straight write the story like this, in which case I can't answer your question, it would ruin the suspense ;) HOWEVER I have been wondering how to use the forum as less of a place and more of a medium. Being able to use links, tags, images, sounds, I feel it would be a waste to not use these some how, AND if I ever solve this problem, this story would become something of a modern "Choose your adventure" type thing, where the endings aren't abrupt as they used to be, but instead would have 3 - 12 VASTLY different endings depending on how you read it. I have not decided yet.

EDIT: On another note, since I'm feeling like this would be best presented (for my sake) episodically. What are some ideas on
how to title things? I am not a fan of naming things for some reason. I seem to only be concerned with the content.
 
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Folcro

Creative Area Specialist (Fiction)
WF Veterans
I used to love writing with an Elizabethan touch. It took me a while to realize I hated reading it. Talented writers often gravitate toward (rather experiment with) that type of writing. Do as you will, but I would move on from that style as soon as possible. You don't need to write this way to prove you have a talent.

You know how to make your sentences flow, I'll give you that. Even made me forget my bitterness toward floweriness... for a moment.

Sesh was stood in his bedroom: Standing. And after bedroom, but a colon, because you then go on to describe the room in the same sentence (a tactic of efficiency I actually find most agreeable, just make sure you understand what you are doing, so that you know where to punctuate).

The wind blew through the room: How about just "The wind blew through"? We already know where we are.

Get rid of the word "carelessly" and replace "yet" with a comma in that sentence.

Reckless abandon: Hint: writers love this phrase a lot more than readers do.

Technically not flash fiction, just an opener without a closer. I would have enjoyed it more, followed it better, were the language more to the point, not so passive and "Alas, poor Yorick!" But these are easy habits to address: just tear them off like band aids. But again, do as you will of course.

As for whether you should finish it, I see no good reason for a good writer to stop writing.
 

Pandora

Honoured/Sadly Missed
I have no idea what flash fiction is, I only recently heard the term. I agree with Krystal and thought you covered guilt with perfection. I was also left wanting more so I look forward to that! Being a person haunted by my subconscious your story feels eerily very real. You capture the torment from the other place, the other place we spend half our earthly lives. Yes, I think a title soon would be nice perhaps with the next installment. As far as ideas on titles, sleep on it :wink: something will come to you. Thanks for sharing Lunar, I very much enjoyed.
 

LunarFuror

Senior Member
Thanks a lot for the tips! I'll take those into account and try to remember the punctuation but it's super hard for me. I was never good at understanding those rules :S Plus I'm a programmer so colon's mean something totally different for me :p. I have started writing from the beginning, I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I've started none the less! Ive come up with a name but I now realize the name wouldn't make much sense untill the priest is actually named in the story. So I may just call it Priest's Gambit.
 

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