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New Haiku (1 Viewer)

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Generally speaking haiku do not rhyme or ask questions. They make a linear statement, usually pertaining to nature. I like the premise, but that is really all this is at this point. A couple rhymed questions stacked to look like haiku. Take a look at the classic haiku and get a feel for the original form before trying to define 'new' haiku. The simplicity of inherent faith is a good subject for the form. Remove the rhyme and reconfigure your theme and the piece could be striking. Also spelling of Shephard...shepherd...

The piece above is what is considered micro poetry, but strays too far from actual haiku to really be called haiku, the main issue being the rhyme. Micro poetry's sole requisite is size. Small. Be conscious of the pitfalls of labelling forms of poetry, specific forms give rise to certain expectations and if a piece is at odds with its label it can impact a reader's observations of the work. Let a piece stand on its own without a form label and feedback will be more objective to the content when it is not being forced into a highly specific box.

e.g.

foreign fields tempt
black sheep strays
as new terrors sleep
 
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Kelton

Member
Lonely Shepard's sheep
What dark secrets must you have?
At night do you cry?

Better? Now I just need to change the questions to statements. I really don't take it too seriously.
 

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
I would normally spell the word as shepherd, but I do see that Shepard is a name so was wondering if this was a double meaning - particularly as you have capitalised it?
Possibly a reference to the conspiracy theory about faked moon landings (Al Shepard)?
 

aj47

(he/him)
WF Veterans
Nice to meet you and welcome to WF. I love short forms because one can say so much with so little if one invests.

Rhyme for rhyme's sake is an idiom of some kinds of spoken-word. In short forms like this, you have such a tiny canvas that every stroke counts.

I know you've expressed that you don't really care. However, I want to know why you wrote this and what you're trying to communicate.

Is this a variant of the Scotsman/sheep trope? (Hey! MacLeod! Get offa mah ewe!)

If so, can you do something unexpected with the idea?
 

Kelton

Member
Nice to meet you and welcome to WF. I love short forms because one can say so much with so little if one invests.

Rhyme for rhyme's sake is an idiom of some kinds of spoken-word. In short forms like this, you have such a tiny canvas that every stroke counts.

I know you've expressed that you don't really care. However, I want to know why you wrote this and what you're trying to communicate.

Is this a variant of the Scotsman/sheep trope? (Hey! MacLeod! Get offa mah ewe!)

If so, can you do something unexpected with the idea?

Here is something unexpected I guess:

Scotsman passed out drunk in field
Naked under kilt
Time for sheep's revenge
 
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