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Need a bit of help on my essay on a short story. (1 Viewer)


Cheese Blob

Well, lets start off with who I am. I'm in English Honors, and I'm in 9th grade. I got placed in Honors because of a placement test, but I didn't have to write an essay in the test, so now I am in Honors. You can probably guess that I'm bad at essays.

Anyways, I am writing an essay on a short story. My thesis statement is going to explain how empathy and shame of what the main character did led to her coming-of-age, as she is only 12 or 13. Well, I turned in my essay, and my teacher wrote two things that I need help with:

1. That I had to explain why my thesis matters in my introduction, or as she calls it, a "so what?" factor.

2. To better link my introduction paragraph to the first paragraph. (The first paragraph is on empathy)

If anyone can help me, that'd be great! Thanks!


Senior Member
If its not too long maybe you should post the first two paragraphs so we can get an sense of it.