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MYTOESIS AND OTHER MYTHICAL WOUNDS (1 Viewer)

ladygarmadone17

Senior Member
My mom broke her pinky toe
Then got herself a cane
She never wanted invalidation
Now her efforts were all in vain

Hobbling left to right, a wounded warrior
Up and down stairs, a troubled mountaineer
The one thing that she hoped wouldn’t happen
To her, something drastic to someone I hold dear

Her toe dislocated, nothing far worse
She’s surviving, despite the pain
But traveling to the hospital by car
And the trip back home again

Medical bills can’t cover these expenses
Neither can they cover her other factors
Like her sarcoidosis condition,
And more importantly, her asthma

But like the unexpected, she’s disabled again
Within this past moment, near the bathroom door
Now I pray she’ll heal, with no other ordeal
Her wounded pinky toe finally cured

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
Last edited:

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
If one is going to rhyme then they must be consistent. It's called a rhyme scheme for a reason. It's best to leave it out if used sporadically like you did. Also your beat and cadence is irregular the only time when your beat had a good flow was in the 1st stanza.

I'd rework this poem using the 1st stanza as a template. Some use of wording needs to be worked on as well- worser, tho, are not good word choices, there not real words but bad slang. Also most of your poem is telling, use imagery and descriptive words as a tool. Again look at your 1st stanza and go from there...

warmest
bob
 
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