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My real estate agent wants to meet with me again... she's weird. (1 Viewer)

cinderblock

Senior Member
Hey guys, so I think I posted a topic about my real estate agent in the past here, but I didn't get much of a response. I figured I try again.

So after my realtor sold me my house, she keeps contacting me. And it's one thing to send out form letters to all her clients and ex-clients like, "Happy Thanksgiving" and stuff. But she actually asks me how I'm doing and stuff from time to time by email and text.

Anyway, I haven't spoken to her in over a year, but recently she sent me a Christmas card, and she said she'd like to meet for a cup of coffee because we need to catch up. "It's been too long," etc etc.

I don't get it... I have ex-best friends that I've tried contacting but they don't have time to "catch up." Why is this woman, who's a relative stranger constantly interested in keeping in touch and getting together for lunch? I'm a hardcore skeptic with everything in life, and a woman I've found attractive has never in my life shown this much interest in me... I'm not one of those people who gets brainwashed and duped into something irrational. I always have a force field up when I'm talking to people. In fact, most of what I write about is exactly how much propaganda shapes our reality, lives and beliefs.

A couple times she knocked on my door unannounced, but I pretended nobody was home, because like I said, I'm extremely agoraphobic, and we have way too weird of a dynamic going on, that I just don't feel very comfortable around her.

The reason why I don't feel comfortable around her is multifarious.

1) she's married
2) she's attractive (some people have compared her to the woman who comes out as Wonder Woman)
3) she has a boatload of friends... more friends than anyone I've known in my life, because she's pretty. I've gone out with her many times, and people bend over backwards for her, and it's not even funny. It's actually pretty sad. When I dine with her, the male servers pretend I'm not even there. They're just asking her what she'd like, and she's basically ordering for me LOL. It's crazy how easy life is if you're this pretty. It's just absolutely mindblowing. She's also the most optimistic person I know, because she is a product of her environment. Doors magically open for her. She gets the red carpet treatment all the time. The only time she gets resistance is when she encounters another "alpha" like her, who's similarly pretty. The resulting confrontational interaction is always hilarious to witness.

I've tried consulting other people about this, and it always leads to sexual jokes, which I've never found funny or helpful. It's fine if she wants to have sex with me, but she doesn't. She always wants to meet and have coffee, while she talks about the latest vacation she went out on. So I don't understand what the point is, because she has plenty of friends for that, and these aren't the kinda conversations I tend to seek out... I like having more intellectual conversations and waxing philosophically about stuff, but obviously she's not into things like that. She's very materialistic... traveling, shopping, dining out... the stereotypical personality you would expect from an attractive person.

I don't know... it's just awkward. What would you guys do if you were in my position? Thanks...
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
My cynical head says she simply wants more business from you. I mean, I don't know if you have loads of cash or properties, but people who make money on commissions like estate agents can be pretty full on charming and disarming when sniffing out a sale. If she's married, then even if you are the hottest guy on the planet, then anything romantic or what-have-you is still going to be a big headache for her potentially, not to mention all the other fallout for everyone else, including you. But that's just my more accommodating opinion. My less accommodating one suggests that she seeks out people to sort of derive energy from, often by draining them of theirs. That of course may be way off the mark, but such people exist and again, like the realtors, are pretty convincing when seeking out such - I want to use the word prey but that just makes me sound like a paranoid nut so I won't ;) - such folks. So just go along with her with all of that added to your arsenal of expectations. At the very least you will have had a free coffee in some interesting and dynamic company and a new character for the book. And after all, maybe you are the sort of person she wants as a friend and this is how she goes about it. Maybe she's just not concerned about the "types" of people she befriends, just as long as there are alot of them. Sounds like it could be a wild ride if you keep your wits about you. But equally it could blow up horribly, so maybe some distance would be prudent. Depends on you, and what you are willing to undertake, how much benefit of the doubt you are ready to give. Let us know!
 

Kevin

WF Veterans
Some people are really social. Especially in real estate that's a big plus. "Do you know a realtor?" Why yes, yes I do...
i don't think it's something they consciously do they just reach out to people. Anyway, it's a little hard to get or to know for sure not being there.
 

Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
When I was young I used to find that I would often befriend the very good looking women. There is a tendency amongst the male sex to treat them as something special, unapproachable but wonderful, and I think the attraction was that I was treating them primarily as people. Not being attracted instantly can make you attractive in such cases, it is nice to have someone to talk normally to who isn't putting you on a pedestal or lusting you.

That is the optimistic view.


Sometimes people are weird, they have God knows what going on in their head and it is best to discourage them and stay the hell away from them whenever you can, leave it to the professionals to find out what is in their head, 'cause it ain't normal and you don't want to know.

That is the pessimistic view.


Which you decide to take depends on how adventurous you are :)
 

Arachne

Senior Member
My first thought was that she's keeping in touch so she can sell your house when the time comes. After reading through the post though, it sounds like more than that. As you are agoraphobic I assume you don't get out much and struggle in social situations, so it's possible that she feels like you need to get out more to socialise and, for some moralistic reason, thinks that she should help with that. She's probably just being nice, and possibly getting an ego boost from it.

If it were me I'd just say no to her invitations, but then I've always leaned towards being antisocial, if I can get away with it, so I might not be the best person to advise.

Arachne
 

Guard Dog

Senior Member
Is it possible that all of these 'friends' you say this woman has are just acquaintances who are only out to associate with her because of her appearance or her money?

If so, it's just remotely possible, due to you not being all over her, that she wants or thinks of you as a real friend, and that's why she's behaving the way she is.

Then again, I could be dead wrong, and she's just crazy as they come. *shrug*



G.D.
 

Bayview

WF Veterans
You're taking a really negative approach to her, here.

If you really feel that negatively about her, I think you should keep on avoiding her and sooner or later she'll get the hint.

But honestly, even reading through your really negative filter, she doesn't seem that bad to me. She has lots of friends and she's pretty and confident... these aren't bad qualities. People who are pretty and confident often have lots of friends, because they're fun to be around. She wants to talk about materialistic things - but you don't say whether you've tried to talk to her about more serious things and she's been uninterested?

You say you've been out with her lots of times, which already, to my mind, takes the relationship further than the typical realtor-client relationship. I've only bought two houses, but both times I met the realtor at the houses we were looking at, made some polite chitchat as we toured the property, and then went on our way. So it sounds like you already had a friendship of some sort with this woman? Maybe she actually likes you.

In which case, if you like her, go have fun. If you don't like her, avoid her. Ball's in your court.
 

Guard Dog

Senior Member
Hell, give me the chance to go out and have dinner with Wonder Woman, and I'd go.

Why?

'Why not' is the much better question.
( And no, that don't mean I'd be bringin' her home with me afterwards. )



G.D.
 

Kevin

WF Veterans
It's good to get out and stretch yourself, no? Nothing 'bad' is going on, so why not.. Unless she attacks you, what the heck? Do you have that many friends, anyway? And why be jealous of how others treat her? Is that her fault? Should she tell them off/ reprimand them for treating her that way? Seems very unfair.
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
My cynical head says she simply wants more business from you. I mean, I don't know if you have loads of cash or properties, but people who make money on commissions like estate agents can be pretty full on charming and disarming when sniffing out a sale. If she's married, then even if you are the hottest guy on the planet, then anything romantic or what-have-you is still going to be a big headache for her potentially, not to mention all the other fallout for everyone else, including you. But that's just my more accommodating opinion. My less accommodating one suggests that she seeks out people to sort of derive energy from, often by draining them of theirs. That of course may be way off the mark, but such people exist and again, like the realtors, are pretty convincing when seeking out such - I want to use the word prey but that just makes me sound like a paranoid nut so I won't ;) - such folks. So just go along with her with all of that added to your arsenal of expectations. At the very least you will have had a free coffee in some interesting and dynamic company and a new character for the book. And after all, maybe you are the sort of person she wants as a friend and this is how she goes about it. Maybe she's just not concerned about the "types" of people she befriends, just as long as there are alot of them. Sounds like it could be a wild ride if you keep your wits about you. But equally it could blow up horribly, so maybe some distance would be prudent. Depends on you, and what you are willing to undertake, how much benefit of the doubt you are ready to give. Let us know!

I don't have loads of cash or properties. I've also told her I'm not looking to buy another house. So I don't think it's time well spent for her to aggressively pitch me another house.

I've dealt with dozens of real estate agents. Not a single one of them was charming or disarming. Maybe they get like that if I'm some high class clientele, but certainly not my experience with realtors working my budget. All realtors are just kind of on auto pilot. You call them because they have the keys to the houses you want to see. They meet you and they open the door for you. They serve a very basic function, and they're courteous but simultaneously apathetic. Most of the times, they're annoyed in fact and frustrated that you're taking so long to pick a measly house.

Real estate agents get tons of calls from prospective buyers all day. It would be futile for her to waste time on someone who's expressed zero interest in another house, not to mention someone she hasn't seen in quite a while.

I do like the idea of adding a character like that for a book, but gah, I'm such an agoraphobe, it takes a lot of willpower to go out and meet someone. I'm an extreme introvert, and even a trip to the grocery store completely depletes me for the rest of the day... which is why I procrastinate until my fridge is completely empty and I have no other choice.
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
Some people are really social. Especially in real estate that's a big plus. "Do you know a realtor?" Why yes, yes I do...
i don't think it's something they consciously do they just reach out to people. Anyway, it's a little hard to get or to know for sure not being there.

Yeah, reality has beaten the adventurousness out of me.

Am I curious? Yes. But it's the kind of curiosity that you have when you get a call from an unknown number. What are the chances that it's a long lost friend who hired a private investigator to track me down?

10 out of 10 times, it's a telemarketer or a wrong number.

In other words, it's not worth finding out, so I just don't pick up and block the number.
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
When I was young I used to find that I would often befriend the very good looking women. There is a tendency amongst the male sex to treat them as something special, unapproachable but wonderful, and I think the attraction was that I was treating them primarily as people. Not being attracted instantly can make you attractive in such cases, it is nice to have someone to talk normally to who isn't putting you on a pedestal or lusting you.

That is the optimistic view.


Sometimes people are weird, they have God knows what going on in their head and it is best to discourage them and stay the hell away from them whenever you can, leave it to the professionals to find out what is in their head, 'cause it ain't normal and you don't want to know.

That is the pessimistic view.


Which you decide to take depends on how adventurous you are :)

Very true, I've never shown any inclination that I'm attracted to her. In fact, I make it a point not to comment on women's looks, because even if it's coming from a completely platonic source, they always think I'm sexually attracted to them, and it makes things awkward. I already know that women get sexually targeted and flattered 24/7, so it's a lose-lose proposition. Women are desensitized and aloof to the platitudes, and I have no interest in sending the wrong signals.

Honestly, if I felt we had great social chemistry, I would probably be a little more openminded to her advances. I just feel like we have next to nothing in common. I'm such a chameleon though, that sometimes people get the impression that we're on the same brainwave, because I'm able to just adapt and go with the flow and make fluff up to keep the conversation rolling.
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
My first thought was that she's keeping in touch so she can sell your house when the time comes. After reading through the post though, it sounds like more than that. As you are agoraphobic I assume you don't get out much and struggle in social situations, so it's possible that she feels like you need to get out more to socialise and, for some moralistic reason, thinks that she should help with that. She's probably just being nice, and possibly getting an ego boost from it.

If it were me I'd just say no to her invitations, but then I've always leaned towards being antisocial, if I can get away with it, so I might not be the best person to advise.

Arachne

You're kind of on the right track, actually.

She's always asking if I've been places, and it's always, "No." And once she was like, "Do you have friends that you can go with?" and I was like, "Not really."

Granted, even if I did have friends, I wouldn't go to these places in question with them. Like I said, I'm a reclusive home body. I prefer to stay at home, read, write, etc.

But afterward I got the sense that she was trying to encourage me to get out more. She's an extreme extrovert, so she probably thinks I'm missing out, and perhaps I am, but I don't have the energy to cry about it.
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
It's good to get out and stretch yourself, no? Nothing 'bad' is going on, so why not.. Unless she attacks you, what the heck? Do you have that many friends, anyway? And why be jealous of how others treat her? Is that her fault? Should she tell them off/ reprimand them for treating her that way? Seems very unfair.

I'm sorry if my original post made the impression that I'm jealous of her. I'm not sure if "jealous" is the right word. I felt I was making a pretty objective observation.

For better or worse, fair or unfair, being beautiful in this reality is a privilege.

Seeing how the world works for her, felt similar to the eye-opening experience of a journalist shadowing someone who belongs in the 1% of the wealthiest people on Earth. Whether you agree with it or not, life is just not the same for them, and the contrast is undeniably fascinating to say the least. Anything else you feel is a reflection of your opinion on the matter. I'm just a messenger.
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
You're taking a really negative approach to her, here.

If you really feel that negatively about her, I think you should keep on avoiding her and sooner or later she'll get the hint.

But honestly, even reading through your really negative filter, she doesn't seem that bad to me. She has lots of friends and she's pretty and confident... these aren't bad qualities. People who are pretty and confident often have lots of friends, because they're fun to be around. She wants to talk about materialistic things - but you don't say whether you've tried to talk to her about more serious things and she's been uninterested?

You say you've been out with her lots of times, which already, to my mind, takes the relationship further than the typical realtor-client relationship. I've only bought two houses, but both times I met the realtor at the houses we were looking at, made some polite chitchat as we toured the property, and then went on our way. So it sounds like you already had a friendship of some sort with this woman? Maybe she actually likes you.

In which case, if you like her, go have fun. If you don't like her, avoid her. Ball's in your court.

I don't think all pretty and confident people are "fun to be around." That seems to be an incredibly broad generalization.

But I'm sure that only makes me appear even more negatively and cynically than you already think of me, gah.

I'm sorry if I didn't make my post more bubbly and politically correct. I really didn't mean to come off the way you're implying that I did, but we're all entitled to our own opinion, and I appreciate your feedback. I don't think I'm necessarily viewing the situation through a "negative" filter. I think we can all agree that the vast majority of human interactions are politically motivated, so I can't help the reservations that I have about my predicament. Like I said, I'm on the far end of the agoraphobic and introverted spectrum, so I tend to evaluate the risk-reward of every real life social interaction rather meticulously.
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
Is it possible that all of these 'friends' you say this woman has are just acquaintances who are only out to associate with her because of her appearance or her money?

If so, it's just remotely possible, due to you not being all over her, that she wants or thinks of you as a real friend, and that's why she's behaving the way she is.

Then again, I could be dead wrong, and she's just crazy as they come. *shrug*



G.D.


All the conversations I've had with her were about her parties, friends, vacation trips, and shopping sprees.

Again, these topics seem right up the alley of her acquaintances.

I can't see what value someone of my disposition can offer her...
 

cinderblock

Senior Member
Thank you so much to everybody who contributed to this thread.

I have not contacted the real estate agent yet. I've been pushing it off for as long as I can and procrastinating indefinitely like I always do with social obligations. I'm pretty sure I'm on the autistic spectrum, because I understand this isn't normal, healthy human behavior.

I've carefully considered everybody's feedback and suggestions, and I actually came up with another theory that I've been very reluctant to confront.

A couple months ago, I heard through my carpenter - who happens to be her neighbor - that her husband was laid off from his engineering job and was undergoing difficulty finding new employment.

Now it's not a stretch for some real estate agents to get into the insurance business. Apparently they go hand in hand, so I'm guessing she might've have gotten him set up to sell insurance, and perhaps she's trying to get me to switch over to her husband's insurance program.

I think this is the most realistic reason I could come up with, so I'm pretending I didn't get her mail. But today, I received another mail from her. I haven't opened it yet, but it feels pretty thick. I'm afraid it might be another gift card, gah...
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
^ maybe just meet up with her and try And ascertain her motives. Ask directly, or steer the conversation that way, or whatever works best for you.
 

Winston

WF Veterans
I'm just gonna throw this out there: Maybe you are underestimating your value as a companion.

She has a bunch of friends / acquaintances, but seems to make it a point to search you out. Think about it. Logic would dictate that you have something to offer that they do not.
We're taking money and sex off the table, that just leaves you. Your personality, wisdom, humor... something about you has a value that she sees, even if you don't.

So, see her / don't see her, it's okay. But allow yourself to feel flattered. I would.
 
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