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My First Everything (1 Viewer)

Alright, I'm posting this here because it is a true story. It did not happen to me though, it happened to a friend of mine and he asked me to write this.

My First Everything

It had been only a week since the Yahoo search engine revealed to me the community that was QA. It was a place I was happy to find, because the people there were all nice, welcoming and supportive. It was important to know that they would not judge me for who I was, and accept me. I was one of them, and we all had the same problems. QA stood for Queer Attitude. But it would lead to some events I could have never imagined would occur in all my life.

My home computer had once again broken down, and as a result I was logged onto a computer at the local internet center. I was multi-tasking, and had to wait for the page to load, so I minimized the window and opened up MSN messenger and my Friendster account.

Someone walked past the window, and caught my eye. They were an old friend of mine, and I saw him enter the building.

His skin was fair, and free of the teenage curse of acne. His eyes and hair shared a dark brown color and his hair was a bit long. He was taller than me, older by a year, and had a smile that could make anyone melt. He was fairly athletic, and was built to match his lifestyle. We’d been friends since kindergarten, best friend through junior high, but had drifted apart upon entering high school. I had seen him grow into the handsome youth he was now.

Despite the fact that we drifted apart, we remained friends, we just weren’t close like we once were. But we were almost complete opposites. I was a school librarian, journalist/reporter for the school’s weekly paper, and head of its production committee. He on the other hand, was captain of the soccer team, school prefect, and quite popular.

He stopped at the entrance, and looked around for something. I had a strong urge to sink lower into my chair, but decided against it; he was probably on a date with his girlfriend (being a school reporter, I knew he had one, but I didn’t know everything…)

I fixed my eyes on the screen and hoped he wouldn’t see me. He did, and walked right over to my table.

“Hi…” I heard him say.

“Hi, Derek…” I responded without looking up.

I would like to point out that Derek was the result of a Philippine mother and a Malaysian father. He did not bear any physical characteristics of his father however.
“How could you? Why?” He asked me.

I had seen this coming. I could see the anger on his face. I replied;
“Because, people should know. Why? Was it real? Did you really do it?”

I had written an article (it was a lie as a matter of fact) that his girlfriend was making out with another guy in the boy’s bathroom. (I did it because he had teased me in front of his “cool” friend and I was angry. It was my revenge).

“No, of course not… But,” he pulled up a chair, the anger was suddenly gone. He seemed… thrilled “thank you for doing that…”

“Huh? Why? Did you two break up?” I said. I was starting to feel apprehensive.

“Well, yeah…”

“Oh, Derek, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for that to happen, I was just…” my voice trailed away.
“Don’t be sorry, she was a total bitch and…” He stopped there, I got out my writing materials to write down the information.

"Don't stop there! This is great material! I can see the headlines now: ‘Captain of The Soccer Team reveals Jennifer's True Agenda!’ This could be next week front page!" I added excitedly. He grinned.

“She… Err… Well, she spent my money all the time, and took me shopping and asked me to pay for her stuff. Then, your article came out and I took that as a chance to break up with her. Mind you, my shirt had to be put through the laundry twice to get her mascara off…” He added, satisfied.

“Done…” I said, dotting the end of the sentence.

“Sorry…” Derek said quietly.

“For what?” I asked. “What did you do to me?” He opened his mouth to reply, but I held him off and said, “Never mind, apology accepted for… Err… whatever you did to me…”

He was apologizing for teasing me, I knew, but the past was the past. Nothing you can say can change it (it still helps to talk about it though).

I went back to my computer and opened my hotmail to check my e-mails. I thought the conversation was over and ignored him. I was waiting for him to leave, but he remained glued to his chair. He was talking to a friend on his cell phone, and greeted others as they walked by. Some asked him;
“What are you sitting with him for?” but he just stared at the monitor and mumbled something like
“How come you didn’t…” and “we could be…” I didn’t know what he meant, and honestly though he was talking to whoever was on the other end of the phone.

I finished approximately two hours later and Derek was still there (but he had fallen asleep about half an hour before I had finished). As I got up and headed to the counter, he woke up. Realizing I was not there he looked around wildly, but by this time I was on my way outside into the pouring rain (it had been sunny two hours ago).

“Oh no…” I thought when I stepped outside. I looked at my watch, it was just passed five o’clock. I hadn’t realized it was raining while I was inside, because the center was sound proof (but I was also absorbed in the computer). I wasn’t worried about getting my wet, but I was worried about my books. I carried them everywhere in case I got bored, and my bag wasn’t waterproof.

Ryan came out, and looked at the sky, smiling. He waved his hand at the clouds to indicate the whether.

“Lovely day isn’t it?” he asked, smiling.

“Hmm… yeah…” I lied. I saw a taxi, and waved at it, but Derek pulled my hand down.

“Let me give you a lift.” He offered. I looked down, he was holding my hand, but the moment I realized he let go and said:


“No, it’s okay. Doesn’t matter. You’re like a brother to me.” I said, turning a shade of pink; I caught my reflection in the window. But something made my heart stop. Derek looked crestfallen. His face wore an expression that translated into him trying to forget something disappointing.

“C’mon.” He said casually, holding my elbow and directing me to his car (the age of restriction was over eighteen, but he was only sixteen at the time). He opened the door for me, and when I was in, he got in and drove.

“You smell sweet,” he commented “I caught the scent of roses before I fell asleep.” He didn’t look at me, and I blushed and looked out the window (I had wore baby powder that day; rose fragrance).

Then, on the radio, came a song; Thank God I Found You by Mariah Carey featuring 98 degrees & Joe.

“I love this song.” Derek said quietly, turning the volume up. I loved it too. I heard him singing softly.

Oh, thank god I found you,
I probably lost without you,
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality...
When you... Brought the sunlight;
Completed my whole life...
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude cuz baby;
I'm so thankful I found you...”

He kept looking at me, my heart was racing. I hoped he didn’t try to do anything during the journey. I thought of something that was quite impossible, something that couldn’t possibly have been. Was he…?

“Here we are.” Derek said, stopping at the school gates. I looked around and saw that the gates were still open. It was raining cats and dogs.

“Yeah, thanks. See you later.” I got out of the car and went to the library, I needed to finish this week’s paper. I stopped at the guard post to write down my name, but the teacher was nowhere to be seen.

I bent low, holding my bag to my chest to protect it from the rain. I ran along the bicycle shed to the corridor leading to the library.

I reached the library, and found it locked. I searched through my pocket for the key and opened the door. Even though it was still day time, it was dark inside. Lightning flashed, reflected by the polished floor. I turned on the light and made my way to the back of the library. My footsteps echoed in the silent hall of knowledge. I reached a door next to the Economic Science and Development section, the door to the production committee headquarters, and also my office.

One glance of it and you would question its title as an office. It certainly didn’t look like one. I had got the teacher’s approval to change it to my likings. It was more like a living room, save the office table in a corner by a window. Here I had my own telephone line, a sofa set, TV, a small cozy bathroom (it was hidden) and a small kitchen with a fridge. To me it was like a second home, and it all belonged to the production committee.

I threw myself on the sofa and turned on the TV. Soon after, I got back up and made myself a cup of hot cocoa. I was settling myself at my working table, when I heard a noise; echoes of footsteps coming from the library. I froze at first, but forced myself to turn off the TV and station myself at the doorway. I had in my hand the only weapon I could reach at the moment; and umbrella.

The footsteps grew closer. I built my courage so I could face the intruder. The footsteps stopped in front of the door, my heart was racing wildly. The door flew open, and simultaneously, lightning flashed. In the light I saw the scariest image of my life.

There stood a man with pale white skin, his long hair covering his eyes so that all I saw was white. The man was sopping wet, and he came closer. I backed away. I had no idea what to do next. The man opened his mouth to speak, but it did not calm my fears, in fact it made him look like a vampire. Immediately I screamed, and because of this I didn’t hear what the man said (the scream also scared him a fair bit). After that, I fainted.

I woke up, I assume a few minutes later on the sofa, a blurry figure kneeling next to me. Someone had taken off my glasses. I raised my head a bit, looking around for my glasses while my hands groped for them. The person pushed me back down onto the sofa and handed me my glasses. Once I had them back on, I saw that the figure was Derek, and he was kneeling beside me smiling.

Without thinking, I threw my arms around him and held him tight, looking over his shoulder for the intruder.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” I said “Where’s the man?”

“Who?” he replied “Oh, that… that was me…” he said, his voice muffled.

“That was you? Oh, geez what a scare…” I said, holding him more tightly. He held me back. I felt goose bumps appear on my skin, and they had nothing to do with me being scared. It felt like hours before we broke apart. I looked at Derek; he was not soaking anymore. His hair was ruffled and dry and he was wearing my extra set of clothes (there’s a cupboard here where I keep extra clothes just in case). Oddly enough, the fitted him perfectly, but it could be the fact I always buy my clothes a size bigger than what I need.

One he saw that I had calmed down, he took a seat beside me. I stood up.
“Stay. Sit.” I added when I saw he was about to stand.

I went to the kitchen to make Derek some hot chocolate, and then got some blankets from the cupboard (I sometimes sleep at school, it is more comfortable there). I went back to Derek, settled myself next to him, and gave him the blankets and cocoa. He set the cocoa on the table, and then opened the blanket and put it around both of us. I was stunned for a moment, I thought he had only held me back before to calm me down. Again that thought came, that impossible thought that could never be… Perhaps he was doing it because he thought I was still in shock. I was exhausted and my mouth was dry.

“What are you doing here?” I asked “I thought you would have gone home ages ago.” I don’t know why it happened, but my face was very hot at that moment.

“Ah… I was wondering when you’d ask that. Well, once you got out of the car I drove for a few blocks, then one of my tires punctured. You were the nearest I thought, so I ran back here. By the…”

I didn’t hear the rest because I fell asleep, right there beside him. I was tired after what had happened, and he was very warm compared to the cold room. I felt safe there with him, and moved closer. He didn’t push me away. He held me closer than before.

I woke up suddenly, and found myself laid back on the sofa, alone in the blanket. I sighed, and thought to myself “Maybe it was just a dream. A very sweet dream.” I sat up straight and reached for my bag across the table when I saw something that made me freeze again.

There was Derek, sleeping on the other sofa, and I couldn’t help but notice he was even cuter asleep. I forgot what I was doing, got up, and tip-toed over to him. I drew the blanket up over him and tucked it in. I was bending down to kiss him on the cheek, but I drew back. I didn’t dare to do it. I looked at the clock, and continued to do so for a full minute before I took any notice of it. I snapped myself out of it and looked again. It was half past eight. “I should start working” I thought to myself.

I got my bag and dragged my feet to the working table. I sat down, and realized I was still very, very tired. I got up again and went back to the cupboard and went in. I walked through a narrow space in the back and through another door. I was inside a small cozy bathroom, complete with shower. I stood in front of the mirror, and suddenly feeling dizzy, held the rim of the sink for support. I turned on the tap and washed my face with cold water. I returned to my work station and turned off the light, then turned on the table light.

I don’t know how long I sat there. I have proved many times that a person can become a workaholic and abandon their awareness. When I was finished, I looked up and saw Derek watching me in the dark.

“Wow.” He said softly “you can work can’t you?”

“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked with a smile.

“Err… Since you came out of the cupboard, but I fell asleep a few minutes later and thought I’d record your working time for fun.” He looked down at his cell phone, which he had used to keep track of time. “Four hours… wow… When you mean business, you mean business. The average person can only work two and a half then rest. I’ve never met someone who can work four straight hours without resting.”

“Well, now you have.” I interrupted.

He stood up and walked over to me. He sat down in a chair in front of the table.

“Oh, before I forget, what were you doing in the cupboard for so long?” he asked, a puzzled look on his face.

“There’s a bathroom in there…”

“I didn’t see any doors when I went to borrow your clothes and towel.”

“Please don’t argue with me, there is one in there, deeper in or I wouldn’t put towels in there.” I said. My throat was still very dry. I went on “Now that you mention it, I certainly do not remember you asking to borrow my clothes.”

He didn’t reply, just sat there and smiled. We stared at each other for a while, but I couldn’t stand it very long and stood up. I made my way toward the sofa when he said;

“How could you not tell me that you’re gay after all the years we’ve been friends?”

“How did you…” I started. I turned around to face him, I was thunderstruck.

“At the center, there was a minimized window that said… well… you know.”

There was a long silence. I resumed my walk to the sofa and as I sat, I replied faintly;

“I’m sorry. I’m just not ready yet. But only one person knew I was gay, and that was Amber. You know, my best friend next door.”

“It doesn’t matter about that now. What matters is that you should know something ‘bout me too.” He came to me and kneeled in front of me. “I’m bi.”

He said it in a casual voice it was as though he had recited the word a thousand times before. Then he burst out;

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since three years ago. Ever since you entered your first year of secondary school you changed a lot, and you… you…” he looked to be struggling to find the right word. “You… you’re the only one who stole my heart away. No one had ever done that before, no girl or boy had ever succeeded. I felt disappointed when you didn’t say hello when you walked by me in the corridors or ignored me when I said hello…”

“People change… as they grow older…” I said quietly. I actually realized I was gay (and started accepting it) when I was thirteen. I started hanging out with girls a lot. But sometimes I just sit alone. I want to be alone when I’m not, I want company when I’m alone.

“Well, not everything. You still have that kind look in your eyes and that faltering smile. And… and… you always put everyone first, yourself second. I regret I didn’t tell you early on, we could have weeks, perhaps months together. If lucky, we could have had years. I wish we could be together now, but sometimes things can be so cruel. I’m moving to Sweden next year, my mom has been given an offer to work there and she’s insisted the whole family come with her…”

Derek was wearing a tearful expression on his face. He took my hand and buried his face in it. I felt his tears on my palms, I looked away. I couldn’t watch it, I was fighting back tears from falling.

“Please be with me until I leave, I’ll cherish every part of you. I’ll make you happy every day, all the time. I’ll comfort you during hard times, I’ll protect you from harm and make you feel safe…”

At last I pulled my hand out. He didn’t look up, but continued crying on my lap. I brushed his hair slowly. I didn’t say a word, I just sat there. He stopped crying a few minutes later and stayed quiet for a long time. He had probably fallen asleep.

Since that day, we were never apart. At school, we had lunch break together. We went to the park every Sunday. The public didn’t suspect us at all. I asked Amber to blab (she’s a big mouth) about me and Derek just being best friends since kindergarten when we started hanging out more often during school hours. We had many cherished memories together. I took a lot of photos of just me and Derek, nothing else.

There was one time Derek taught me how to play soccer. I suck at it. I always watched it and thought;

“Just kick the ball when it reaches you, how hard can it get?”

There was also one time when a guy made a joke out of me. Derek blackened both his eyes, knocked out a few teeth, and if I hadn’t held him back he might have committed murder.

I always wish the story ended here. It would have been the best ending ever. But sadly, it doesn’t.

The holidays started and Derek’s family would be moving at the end of November. On the twenty-third of October, me and Derek had a date. We were going to the movies.

On the way to pick me up, Derek had the misfortune to be stopped by a street gang and got robbed. The police said there had been a struggle; he had fought the gang for something. He lost his car and his wallet, and he was found five minutes later by a lady on her way to the grocery store.

I heard all this from Amber who had been contacted by Derek’s parents. She thought I should know. I rushed to the hospital. He was still alive, but just barely. He had been stabbed, and it had resulted in massive blood loss. I stayed at the hospital for three days after the operation and had to leave the fourth day. Derek’s mother encouraged me to go home and rest. She told me to visit the next day and she’d call me if Derek woke up. (continued)
I visited him the next day, right after school. His mother left me with him while she went to the cafeteria to eat, then get some rest. He still didn’t wake up.

It was very hard to see him, just lying there. There were n bruises on his face, and if you didn’t know what happened you’d think he was just sleeping. I walked up to him slowly and took a seat on the left side of the bed. I held my tears back with a great amount of effort; he was wearing the necklace with a red crystal in the shape of our initials. I noticed that his right hand was clenched tight, I reached down to open it and see what was inside. I slowly pulled out a necklace identical to his, only blue (my favorite color) instead of red. I put it on right away. I waited, just… waited beside him. Then he shrugged and opened his eyes. He tried to speak but I held him off. I showed him that I was wearing the necklace and he smiled.

“I’ll call the nurse, shall I?”

Derek gave a shadow of a nod, and winced. I’m glad that he woke up to see me there.

I said goodbye, and left while the nurse rushed in with a group of specialists.

I thought it was okay, Derek was going to be fine. But he wasn’t. Two days after I last met him, he died. Both his kidneys failed (one because of the knife wound). I was at the school’s library, re-arranging the bookshelves. I wanted to go see Ryan, but the head librarian insisted that all librarians be present. I was angry because it was Saturday; there was no need to be at school, we could arrange bookshelves another day. I received the news that afternoon, the news that he had died that morning while I was arguing with the head librarian because I wanted to go see Derek.

I wrote this painfully. It really hurts, but I couldn’t hold it any longer. I had to write it.

He always wanted me to be happy. No matter what. He always said that if he didn’t get the chance to be with me he would pray I could find someone special out there. Thanks to him I am more relaxed around boys and hang out with them.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this.
Oops, did I mess up the name somewhere? o.o I had to change it, because the place where it takes place it's illegal to be gay...

Would you mind telling me where?

Thanks for pointing it out :)

Yeah, it is true...


Senior Member
its interesting and makes you think what can love do to you, im not gay but i completely understand this person and i support him.