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Much more than just thanks (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
He calls me anonymous,
In fact calls everyone anonymous.
But comes for help, so selfless.
If I call him Buddha,
he wouldn't like it,
he has a passion for what he does.
We can't ever meet,
so, truthful gentle smiles have no work here.

If I create a few beautiful metaphors,
he would take it as poem and edit it.
So helpless I am, looking for something,
much more than just thanks, as gratitude,
And till now I haven't found any.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal
 
Last edited:

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Hello,

This is a lovely piece. I can’t see anything wrong with it

Cheers

Syd

Thanks Syd. You never see wrong in anything, but you definitely try to make things better. For that you put efforts on them, which is highly commendable.
I am glad you liked it.

Good luck
Ritu
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
He calls me anonymous,
In fact calls everyone anonymous.
But comes for help, so selfless.
If I call him Buddha,
he wouldn't like it,
he has a passion for what he does.
We can't ever meet,
so, truthful gentle smiles have no work here.
If I create a few beautiful metaphors,
he would take it as poem and edit it.
So helpless I am, looking for something,
much more than just thanks, as gratitude,
And till now I haven't found any.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal
This is very nice, Ritu.
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
I find that I experience the same feeling that this poem represents in the situation of being next to someone so kind and selfless, that gratitude is hard to show. So you're just left almost feeling guilty about how much this person has given you, even though they most likely don't give it a second glance.

The only edit I would recommend is break up L10 and L11 so the poem will be two stanzas. The last three lines help wrap it up nicely.

-Annie
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
I find that I experience the same feeling that this poem represents in the situation of being next to someone so kind and selfless, that gratitude is hard to show. So you're just left almost feeling guilty about how much this person has given you, even though they most likely don't give it a second glance.

The only edit I would recommend is break up L10 and L11 so the poem will be two stanzas. The last three lines help wrap it up nicely.

-Annie

Felt glad that you too related to that. I would definitely love to incorporate your suggestions, actually I just wrote it randomly, just expressing what I was going through.

Thanks and good luck.

Ritu
 
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