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Motherhood (2 Viewers)

NajaNoir

Senior Member
Before I clicked on this to read, I hovered over it a second. Saw the word "accountable." That word reeled me in and then you hit me with the "enable."
Wow!
There is knowledge in the words you used. Every single one has its meaning in motherhood. The good the bad and you weren't afraid to share them. Thank you for that. Too often you only see the good associated with motherhood, we shy away from associating the bad.

For me, I'm honestly not that knowledgeable on the traits of a typical poem, so, I have less to say on that matter. Words paint their pictures in my mind though. Sometimes less is more, imo.
 
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Darkkin

WF Veterans
Okay...this piece really confuses me. It is a list of seemingly random traits associated with parenthood, while there is some sort of forced acrostic that spells DEFEFECE as S2. Enable being used 3 times in a span of nine words. 1/3 of the content. The piece seems like it is trying to be an acrostic, but is too random in S1 and too limited in S2 to be effective in conveying a coherent, functional piece. A list of words is simply a list of words, a poem needs more attention than the shopping list.

As a reader, this simply does not come across as a cohesive piece. From the pattern it reads like a list and then takes a left turn that mimics an acrostic. Why the acrostic references? Linear list and every word is capitalised. Breed characteristics of the form and one of the very few forms that works well as a list. Something that might be a better option. Take your title and make the word MOTHERHOOD the acrostic. Keep it one stanza and put some thought into word choice and how it defines or contributes to the state as a whole. Connect or at least number the dots so the path is findable. It is a good exercise in effective vocabulary.

- D.
 
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CarolFa

Senior Member
Sorry for the confusion. It was something I thought of and wrote quickly. I wanted to convey the message that motherhood sometimes equals smother. So for the second stanza, I wanted to emphasize enable. I appreciate your feedback and it really helps to receive extra advice, suggestions, clarifications. Muchly appreciated.
 

Just_Phil

Senior Member
Howdy howdy, I finally found something current to comment on critique wise and wouldn't you know it, my arch nemesis poetry hahaha. Now take all of this with a heckamess of salt as I do not know poetry so can only give my reader's opinion and not writer's...

The beginning of the poem and end are great to me. As soon as I hit the word "Accountable" it jarred me out of it. Which is weird cause that word seems to be the most powerful. I was going along the stanza almost imagining the title as "Motherhood is a verb" then bam that happened.

Like I said, salt, but maybe find a synonym or seperate the verbs, adjectives and such into their own groupings, or maybe ween down the bottom so it resumes the intro flow before "Accountable" so that word is even more impactful. Like verbs, accountable, verbs or however. Either way it was a nice read and hope anything i said helps lol. Thanks for sharing.
 

ozofeteam

Senior Member
very nice, your motherly love poem is very special, with only one word but it also shows the content of the poem.
 
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