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Memories of you (1 Viewer)

zbrown210

Senior Member
Oh how I loved you so.
Your lips so red they glow.
Your eyes twinkle within.
You saw me for who I really am.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yet our love was never enough.
Your pain overcame its beauty.
Your smile a facade to a sadness that won.
Your beautiful laughter a covering to the
tears you cried.
------------‐-------------------------------------------
Now all that is left is I and the pain you left
behind.
Images of you float aimlessly within.
My dreams await your visit, yet you never
come.
All that is left is I, though your cries echo
forevermore.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

The speaker’s angst is tangible as a reader that makes the piece really appealing as I respond to writing in which the author is able to convey emotion. I do agree with previous commentators I would look to find other ways of saying, “you,” and, “your,” for me those y words make it a little bumpy in terms of rhythm and flow.

Looking forward to seeing this develop

Cheers

Syd
 

zbrown210

Senior Member
Oh how I loved you so.

Your lips so red they glow.

Eyes that twinkled within.

They saw me for who I really am.

-----------------------------------------------------

Tho at the end our love was never enough.

Pain like a tomb encased overcame your
beauty.

Your smile a facade to a sadness that won.

Laughter so beautiful, covered the tears
you cried.

------------‐-------------------------------------------

Now all that is left is I and the pain you left
behind.

Images of you float aimlessly within.

My dreams await your visit, yet you never
come.

All that is left is I, though your cries echo
forevermore.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
 
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