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Lump (1 Viewer)

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Nestled formerly Lump Rev 1

Nestled

it grew, burrowing out from within.
You took it for scans and tests,
ultra sounds showing how it had latched on,
how it had embedded itself, nestled deep.
It now waits to be birthed, to be named,
people stop you in the street
ask the due date, leaving you to politely respond
soon move on and wait for the extraction of​

Lump.







Lump


Overtime it grew, burrowing from within. Like an expectant parent
you took it for scan and test, ultra sounds showing how it had latched on,
showing how it had embedded itself. It now waits to be birthed, named,
people stop you in the street, ask the due date, leaving you to politely respond
soon and move on and wait for the extraction of
..................................................................................…................................. .....
.Lump.
 
Last edited:

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Syd - you have an interesting way of looking at things. The form - being on the right, naturally unsettled me, its in some ways reminiscent of a scan, or a mirror image like you reflecting a baby bump with something much more disquieting. I think it works well. The style - matter of fact, almost like a report from a physician or even conversational - like one person recounting it dispassionately to another suits the subject well. It all fits, is well thought out, works well. My only suggestion would be, perhaps to change the title. This is because when I got to the last word I already knew it, the impact was lessened. I already knew what it was, but the impact of the word itself. But that's the only minor quibble i could come up with. Great poem, cheers Syd, all the best, ta ra a bit PG
 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
very strange

not sure using two "showing" works for me and again with "wait" and "waits", this small each word holds weight and "for scan" or "for a scan"?
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Thank you both for taking the time to read this, Peter I definitely agree with you on the title, I’ll have a think about what to rename the piece. Thank you for taking the time to leave such kind comments on this one.

Danny, thank you. I totally agree with your point on the use of repeated words and I’ll have a look at changing those up. I’m not sure “very strange,” is the impact that I wanted, but that being said I did want it to unsettle the reader slightly, in terms of both the indentation on the right hand side and the central conceit of something presented as something as it isn’t.


Lots to work on thank you both very much

Cheers

Syd
 
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