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Love doesn't know beauty (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
"Love doesn't know beauty"

We chatted, many a times,
Burst out in laughs,
Thoughts were one,
Blushed, amusingly for all those gaffes,
Self created philosophical quotes,
For thorough validation
Made us meet at that,
Common sky of paramount imagination
And there we joined hands, To take it further,
And planned a date, to meet each other

Running palpitation,
For the fear of rejection,
Black clouds appeared back,
For my imperfection,
I covered my face with veil all over
Only eyes visible, For his ones' to hover,
When I walked inside the cafe,
I saw him already waiting for me
He saw me walking towards,
Stood there to welcome,
Handshakes shared,
And smiles, so random,
As usual like our behavior,
I asked him to say something
About the beauty of the girls around
And he just laughed, but was not surprised,
At my stupid act, for its sound,
For one, he spoke about her hair and her dimples,
For the other, he said, looking very beautiful, despite her pimples,
And so on and so on,
The talk on this went on,
In the midst of some random moment,
He focused his eyes on me
And said your face is enough,
Out of fresh oxygen, just make it free,
I kept my eyes focused at his,
To see his reaction,
And unwrapped my veil,
To bring forward my imperfection,
His eyes didn't lose focus on my eyes,
As if he had already seen what he wanted to see,
Rest was just part of the duty,
To bring back me, to me
I asked him, to then say something about my beauty,
And he still didn't lose focus on my eyes
And said, "Love doesn't know beauty"

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal
 
Last edited:

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
A beautiful poem...excellant narrative skills- I was engrossed in your story. You're a wonderful addition to WF and I hope you keep showing us your exquisite poetry...
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
"Love doesn't know beauty"

We chatted, many a times,
Bursted out in laughs,
Thoughts were one,
Blushed, amusingly for all silly gaffes,
Self created philosophical quotes,
For thorough validation
Made us meet at that,
Common sky of paramount imagination
And there we joined hands, To take it further,
And planned a date, to meet each other

Running palpitation,
For the fear of rejection,
Black clouds appeared back, For my imperfection,
I covered my face with veil all over
Only eyes visible,
For his ones' to hover,
When I walked inside the cafe,
I saw him already waiting for me
At the corner of the hall, table no three,
He saw me walking towards,
Stood there to welcome,
Handshakes shared,
And smiles, so random,
As usual like our behavior,
I asked him to say something
About the beauty of the girls around
And he just laughed, but was not surprised,
At my stupid act, for its sound,
For one, he spoke about her hair and her dimples,
For the other, he said, looking very beautiful, despite her pimples,
And so on and so on, the talk on this went on,
Till the waiter appeared for the order, to be placed on,
As soon as the waiter left,
He focussed his eyes on me
And said your face is enough,
Out of fresh oxygen, just make it free,
I kept my eyes focussed at his, to see his reaction,
And unwrapped my veil,
To bring forward my imperfection,
His eyes didn't lose focus on my eyes,
As if he had already seen what he wanted to see,
Rest was just part of the duty,
To bring back me, to me
I asked him, to then say something about my beauty,
And he still didn't lose focus on my eyes
And said, "Love doesn't know beauty"

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal


Well done! I love the way you created tension and anticipation with the unveiling....very clever....
pay attention to your spelling [ focussed... focused.... bursted .... that line apart from the misspelling, is clumsy...]

This line " till the waiter appeared for the order, to be placed on" is unpoetic and probably is not even needed....
and this line, " at the corner of the hall, table no three" ... table number three, would make this clear, but again, is that line important?

Edit out everything that is not absolutely essential, that will make the rest powerful... you have a wonderful sense of drama and a unique poetic voice, don't stifle that voice with clutter...

Welcome to the fabulous showcase, I enjoyed your poem and hope to read more... ;)
 

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
You have a gift-for a beginning writer this shows that you are extremely gifted and intrinsically grasp the basic writing do's and don'ts. You're an impressive writer- truly amazing.
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Dear mentor Firemagic
I have done the corrections for the mistakes noticed by you. Thanks a lot for pointing out those. I will try to be careful in future about my spellings.

Ritu
 
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