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Lost (1 Viewer)

Delphina

Member
Existential dread penetrates my soul.
I'm afraid I'm taking the route,
that should not be rode.
How can I balance between,
my natural inhibitions,
and going against the grain,
to work towards a skill,
that doesn't come right away?
I don't want to regret my choices.
I want to thrive.
The clock keeps ticking.
I must decide.
I'm at a crossroads.
There are no signs.
How do I navigate to the other side?
I'm stretched too thin.
My many interests encumber my drive.
I wield a thousand knives.
Not one sharp enough to cut a chive.
Am I naive to think,
that the world works in miraculous ways,
if you're persistent and true,
to the nature of your brain?
Does my brain need to be rerouted?
Is it leading me astray?
Why can't I focus on just one thing?
I wish it were more clear.
I wish my objective in life was distilled pure,
of ego, greed, and fear.
I wish I knew why I was here.
 

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Overall a nice piece, really like the imagery of a thousand dull knives and the chive, a good, subtle play with rhyme. However, starting off with the word existential, one is tripling down on redundancy. The word itself becomes a massive overstatement of the statement of the piece itself, readers get that from the context and title without being broadsided by the term itself.

From a personal standpoint when I've encountered this word in reading and conversation, it hasn't generally left a palatable impression behind. It has become high minded fodder cast with impunity upon those who for various reason are deemed less cognizant of the deeper thoughts or in the case of the film Funny Face a bit of a running joke on (a high mindness illusion.). e.g. (The cliched Frat boys who are surprised you've read Marcus Aurelius, Dante, Duma, de Tocqueville, Hamilton, and Krauthammer and can converse reasonably inspite of you gender.)

Existential

adjective



  • relating to existence.
    • PHILOSOPHY
      concerned with existence, especially human existence as viewed in the theories of existentialism.
    • LOGIC
      (of a proposition) affirming or implying the existence of a thing.


      This is the very nature of the piece itself, so consider let the context define the nature of the piece instead of overstating it in a way that assumes readers won't get the message. If the word is requesite consider making it the title and allow the poem to function as this specific example's definition.

      - D.



 
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stuub27

Senior Member
I agree with Darkkin re "existential". I would remove it altogether. Make it the title if you are that attached to it.

Other than that, though, I like the poem. I have mixed feelings about the punctuation and structure, but I get a real connection with the sentiments and questions. I think you have expressed them very well. I imagine we've all experienced this dread at some stage to some degree. I certainly "wish I knew why I was here"!!!
 
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