I have decided to post every single idea for plays I have, whether they're good or bad, on this forum to see if they really are good or bad. This one came to me one day when I was in the office at my school and saw that the ladies who work there don't do anything but sit and gossip about the other teachers. I had to add in my own style of writing which is to include something about human nature. This is the rough draft of thep roduct of that experiance. Go on, rip it to shreds.
ACT 1
SCENE: AT RISE, WE SEE AN OFFICE IN YOUR AVERAGE EVERYDAY HIGH SCHOOL. THERE'S A COUNTER LINED WITH IN-TRAYS, STACKS OF PAPERS, AND OTHER OFFICE PARAFENALIA, AND AT THE END A HUGE BOX LABELED "LOST AND FOUND" IN BIG BLACK PERMENANT MARKER. BEHIND THE DESK BACKED UP AGAINST THE WALL IS A TALL STRANGE LOOKING MACHINE REMINISCENT OF THOSE SUPER COMPUTERS OF THE SIXTIES AND SEVENTIES THAT TOOK UP AN ENTIRE OFFICE SPACE IN THEMSELVES. IT IS ACTUALLY THE CURRENT P.A. SYSTEM FOR THE SCHOOL, BUT IT LOOKS ANCIENT AND IS COVERED WITH DUST. THERE ARE DOZENS OF BUTTONS AND SWITCHES AND GIZMOS ON IT AND EVERY FEW MINUTES A PUFF OF BLACK DUST WILL SHOOT OUT FROM THE SPEAKER. WE SEE CALLY STANDING IN FRONT OF IT ON A STEP LADDER TINKERING AWAY TRYING TO FIX IT. SHE IS A SHY GIRL, SORT OF GEEKY, AND IF SHE WERE TO TURN AROUND YOU'D SEE GLASSES, PIG TAILS, AND A CHRISTIAN UNIFORMISH TYPE OUTFIT, BUT DON'T GO THINKING THIS SCHOOL IS A CHRISTIAN ACADEMY OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE OPPOSITE. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OFFICE IS A SMALL DESK NEATLY ARRANGED AND MANAGED WITH A NAME PLATE ON IT THAT READS "CYNTHIA MILLS: STUDENT OFFICE ASSISTANT. VIVICA IS SITTING IN A LAWN CHAIR IN THE BACK OF THE OFFICE READING A GIRLY MAGAZINE AND CHEWING GUM. SHE IS A COMBINATION PREP, VALLEY GIRL, AND ALL AROUND SNOB. ALSO SPREAD THROGHOUT THE ROOM ARE SEVERAL DOORS. SOME LEAD TO OFFICES, OTHERS TO STORAGE, CLOSETS, ETC. THE ONE NEXT TO CYNTHIA'S DESK LEADS TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. WE CAN SEE INSIDE THIS ROOM. IT IS VERY CLEAN AND VERY TIDY WITH A DESK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND POSTERS POSTED ALL OVER THE WALLS. THEY ALL HAVE CORNY POSITIVE ATTITUDE MESSAGES ON THEM AND ANTI-BULLY SLOGANS. THERE ARE ALSO SMILEY FACES AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN WITH KIDS A LITTLE BIT TOO LONG. THERE IS ONE OTHER ROOM YOU CAN SEE INTO, A JANITOR'S CLOSET WHICH HAS A BUCKET'S, CLEANING SUPPLIES, AND MOPS. OUTSIDE THE OFFICE, WE SEE A SECTION OF THE HALLWAY WHICH LEADS TO A FLIGHT OF STAIRS. THE STAIRS LEAD UP TO ANOTHER HALLWAY, BUILT ON A PLATFORM OF SOME SORT, THAT IS LINED WITH CLASSROOMS, THOUGH WE ONLY SEE THE DOORS. THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE SET. IF I'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, AND I'M SURE I HAVE, IT WILL BE MENTIONED IN THE STAGE DIRECTIONS AND HOPEFULLY YOU'LL GET THE HINT THAT IT TO IS TO BE INCORPORATED IN THE SET. LIKE I SAID BEFORE, WHEN THE LIGHTS COME UP WE SEE CALLY AND VIVICA ONSTAGE. IT IS VERY DARK IN THE OFFICE AS SOMEONE, VIVICA, DOESN'T CARE ENOUGH TO TURN ON THE LIGHTS. FOR A FEW SECONDS THERE IS SILENCE AS CALLY CONTINUES TO TEND TO THE P.A. SYSTEM WHEN SUDDENLY SHE STOPS AND TURNS TO VIVICA.
Cally - (shyly) Vivica?
(Vivica blows a bubble)
Do you think I'm pretty?
(Vivica lowers her magazine and turns to Cally, shocked)
Vivica - What?
Cally - I was just wondering what you thought. Not that I should care about shallow superficial things like that. I just happen to know that you do and figured you'd be the best person to ask about this sort of thing and......
Vivica - Cally you're rambling.
Cally - Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's just that sometimes, when I'm delving into very personal and/or awkward conversations and subjects I start to get embarrassed and words just fly out of my mouth without me even thinking about it! And it's not like I do it on purpose because that wouuld just be annoying, and god knows I don't need to be annoying1 I can't have people thinking I'm annoying along wwith everything else they say and think about me because then I'd never fit in! Not that I ever will anyway, but still, a girl can dream can't she? Can't she?
(Vivica has gone back to reading her magazine)
Vivica? Vivica?
Vivica - (lowering the magazine tensely) What?
Cally - Do you think I'm pretty?
Vivica - Ughh!
Cally - Well I was just asking! It's just that, you're so pretty and...... oh, I mean that in the most non sugestive way! God forbid I should start delving into areas of controversial subject matter like homosexuality and things o the sort. I mean, the name alone is enough to......
Vivica - Cally!
Cally - Yes?
Vivica - I'll tell you you're pretty if you just shut up! Oh my freaking god!
Cally - Oh dear. Now you're mad at me aren't you? You are aren't you? Don't lie. You don't have to pretend. i know. I know. You're mad at me aren't you?
Vivica - Yes Cally!!!!!! I'm so very very mad at you if that's what you want!!!!!! Aghh!!!!!!
Cally - Okay. I'll just go back to work. Sorry to bother you Vivica.
Vivica - Thank you. What are you working on over there anyway?
(silence)
Cally? I said what are you working on?
(silence)
Hello? anybody home?
(silence)
Cally!
Cally - What?
Vivica - Why didn't you answer me?
Cally - You told me to be quiet.
Vivica - Yeah, but when someone speaks to you you're supposed to answer. it's called common curtesy. It's not something I normally think about, but if I understand it you should too.
Cally - Do you want me to understand it?
Vivica - You see! That's your problem. You let everybody else tell you wwhat you do...... like Cynthia.
Cally - It's not very nice to talk about people when they're not around.
Vivica - Well now Cally, don't you think people talk about you when you're not around.
Cally - Why of course not! That's just rude!
Vivica - Right. Tell me Cally, which way is the sky in your world? To the left of the unicorn or to the right of the rainbow?
Cally - You forgot the leprechaun.
Vivica - my point is Cally, you're never going to get anywhere in life unless you drive there yourself.
Cally - Oh I can't do that.
Vivica - And why not?
Cally - Because Cynthia always drives me.
Vivica - Ughh! Cynthia this! Cynthia that! Ughh! If I hear her name one more time i'm gonna......
Cynthia - (offstage) Cynthia Mills has arrived!
Vivica - Oh great. Roll out the red carpet.
Cally - Hold on. I'll go get it.
(Cally opens the janitor's closet and, sure enough, there's a red carpet inside)
Vivica - You know what Cally, no. Not today. Today, little miss perfect is going to walk on the regular carpet like the common folk.
Cally - Oh, she won't like that.
Vivica - So? If it's good enough for us it's good enogh for her. After all, you don't see a special carpet for us do you?
Cally - Well that's because we clean the carpet. Without us there is none.
Vivica - You really don't get it do you?
Cally - No. Carpeting was never my strong suite. I had an asthma attack when we istalled ours.
Vivica - Watch this.
(Vivica walks over to Cynthia's desk and pulls a bottle of ater out of her purse)
Cally - Vivica? What are yuo doing?
(Vivica sets the water on the table, waits a few seconds, then picks it back up and puts it back in her purse; she walks proudly back to her chair)
What did you do?
Vivica - You'll see. When that little......
(Cynthia bursts in carrying an umbrella, large tote bag labeled with the school logo, and wearing a business woman's suite)
Cynthia - Hello everybody! It's great to see your bright shiny faces. Oh my goodness is it dark in here or what? Why don't we get some light on?
(she reaches for the ilght switch which isn't there)
Hm. That's funny. Wonder what could have happened to the light switch.
Vivica - (hiding a hammer in her purse) Hm, I can't imagine who'd unscrew the light switch.
Cynthia - Oh well. That's what the back up generator is for.
(she reaches under the desk and flips a switch that turns the lights on; Vivica stares coldly at Cynthia)
There. All better now. Now where did Miss Morgan go?
Vivica - You rode here with Mrs. Morgan?
Cynthia - Oh yes! We're getting to be such good friends! Talk about your school princi......pal, huh? You get it? Princi......pal?
(she bursts out laughing, then collects herself)
Oh goodness. I slay myself.
Vivica - (under her breath) I wish you would.
Cynthia - What was that Vivica?
Vivica - (pretending to be all happy and cheery) Nothing Cynthia, queen of the office.
(under her breath again) More like queen of pain in the......
Cynthia - (staring down at her desk) Ughh! Vivica! Come quickly! Something terrible has happened!
Vivica - (sarcasticaly) Ughh! Oh no! Whatever could it be?
Cynthia - Injustice my dear Vivica. Pure injustice1 Just look at my desk! Look at it!
Cally - OO! I want to see!
(she falls off the ladder; Cynthia and Vivica stare at her for a moment, then direct their attention back to the desk)
Cynthia - Some heathen child has left a ring on my table! A ring! Can you believe it? A ring! Cally! Quick! Go fetch me the paper towels!
Cally - There are none Cynthia. Vivica used them all up!
Cynthia - All of them? On what?
Vivica - School project. I must say, I've never had so much fun doing my homework.
Cynthia - Cally! How could yu let her do this! You know better than to let Vivica out of your sight! You're supposed to keep up with these sort of things! Now my reproduction feux Austrailian-American Oak-Pine Bi-Product woodshaving desk is ruined! Ruined!
(she bursts out in tears)
Vivica - Hey! Don't blame her for this! Yeah sure the girl may be ditzy, insufficient and more trouble than what she's worth, but it's not her fault.
Cally - Gee Vivica, you really mean that?
Vivica - Every bit of it.
Cally - More trouble than I'm worth huh? Then that means I'm at least worth something! I'm so happy I could cry! But i won't because there aren't any paper towels to dry my eyes with.
Vivica - See? See how happy we've made her? How can you possible blame her for this?
Cynthia - For this? No. You're right. I can't blame her for this.
(she points at the ring of water on the table)
But for that! For that I can!
(she bursts out crying again)
But regardless of that, the day must go on. Come on office buddies! We have a school to run! desk, I knew you well. You were a good friend, a sturdy friend who hardly ever gave me splinters, and don't worry. I forgive you for that one time.
to be cont.
ACT 1
SCENE: AT RISE, WE SEE AN OFFICE IN YOUR AVERAGE EVERYDAY HIGH SCHOOL. THERE'S A COUNTER LINED WITH IN-TRAYS, STACKS OF PAPERS, AND OTHER OFFICE PARAFENALIA, AND AT THE END A HUGE BOX LABELED "LOST AND FOUND" IN BIG BLACK PERMENANT MARKER. BEHIND THE DESK BACKED UP AGAINST THE WALL IS A TALL STRANGE LOOKING MACHINE REMINISCENT OF THOSE SUPER COMPUTERS OF THE SIXTIES AND SEVENTIES THAT TOOK UP AN ENTIRE OFFICE SPACE IN THEMSELVES. IT IS ACTUALLY THE CURRENT P.A. SYSTEM FOR THE SCHOOL, BUT IT LOOKS ANCIENT AND IS COVERED WITH DUST. THERE ARE DOZENS OF BUTTONS AND SWITCHES AND GIZMOS ON IT AND EVERY FEW MINUTES A PUFF OF BLACK DUST WILL SHOOT OUT FROM THE SPEAKER. WE SEE CALLY STANDING IN FRONT OF IT ON A STEP LADDER TINKERING AWAY TRYING TO FIX IT. SHE IS A SHY GIRL, SORT OF GEEKY, AND IF SHE WERE TO TURN AROUND YOU'D SEE GLASSES, PIG TAILS, AND A CHRISTIAN UNIFORMISH TYPE OUTFIT, BUT DON'T GO THINKING THIS SCHOOL IS A CHRISTIAN ACADEMY OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE OPPOSITE. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OFFICE IS A SMALL DESK NEATLY ARRANGED AND MANAGED WITH A NAME PLATE ON IT THAT READS "CYNTHIA MILLS: STUDENT OFFICE ASSISTANT. VIVICA IS SITTING IN A LAWN CHAIR IN THE BACK OF THE OFFICE READING A GIRLY MAGAZINE AND CHEWING GUM. SHE IS A COMBINATION PREP, VALLEY GIRL, AND ALL AROUND SNOB. ALSO SPREAD THROGHOUT THE ROOM ARE SEVERAL DOORS. SOME LEAD TO OFFICES, OTHERS TO STORAGE, CLOSETS, ETC. THE ONE NEXT TO CYNTHIA'S DESK LEADS TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. WE CAN SEE INSIDE THIS ROOM. IT IS VERY CLEAN AND VERY TIDY WITH A DESK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND POSTERS POSTED ALL OVER THE WALLS. THEY ALL HAVE CORNY POSITIVE ATTITUDE MESSAGES ON THEM AND ANTI-BULLY SLOGANS. THERE ARE ALSO SMILEY FACES AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN WITH KIDS A LITTLE BIT TOO LONG. THERE IS ONE OTHER ROOM YOU CAN SEE INTO, A JANITOR'S CLOSET WHICH HAS A BUCKET'S, CLEANING SUPPLIES, AND MOPS. OUTSIDE THE OFFICE, WE SEE A SECTION OF THE HALLWAY WHICH LEADS TO A FLIGHT OF STAIRS. THE STAIRS LEAD UP TO ANOTHER HALLWAY, BUILT ON A PLATFORM OF SOME SORT, THAT IS LINED WITH CLASSROOMS, THOUGH WE ONLY SEE THE DOORS. THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE SET. IF I'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, AND I'M SURE I HAVE, IT WILL BE MENTIONED IN THE STAGE DIRECTIONS AND HOPEFULLY YOU'LL GET THE HINT THAT IT TO IS TO BE INCORPORATED IN THE SET. LIKE I SAID BEFORE, WHEN THE LIGHTS COME UP WE SEE CALLY AND VIVICA ONSTAGE. IT IS VERY DARK IN THE OFFICE AS SOMEONE, VIVICA, DOESN'T CARE ENOUGH TO TURN ON THE LIGHTS. FOR A FEW SECONDS THERE IS SILENCE AS CALLY CONTINUES TO TEND TO THE P.A. SYSTEM WHEN SUDDENLY SHE STOPS AND TURNS TO VIVICA.
Cally - (shyly) Vivica?
(Vivica blows a bubble)
Do you think I'm pretty?
(Vivica lowers her magazine and turns to Cally, shocked)
Vivica - What?
Cally - I was just wondering what you thought. Not that I should care about shallow superficial things like that. I just happen to know that you do and figured you'd be the best person to ask about this sort of thing and......
Vivica - Cally you're rambling.
Cally - Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's just that sometimes, when I'm delving into very personal and/or awkward conversations and subjects I start to get embarrassed and words just fly out of my mouth without me even thinking about it! And it's not like I do it on purpose because that wouuld just be annoying, and god knows I don't need to be annoying1 I can't have people thinking I'm annoying along wwith everything else they say and think about me because then I'd never fit in! Not that I ever will anyway, but still, a girl can dream can't she? Can't she?
(Vivica has gone back to reading her magazine)
Vivica? Vivica?
Vivica - (lowering the magazine tensely) What?
Cally - Do you think I'm pretty?
Vivica - Ughh!
Cally - Well I was just asking! It's just that, you're so pretty and...... oh, I mean that in the most non sugestive way! God forbid I should start delving into areas of controversial subject matter like homosexuality and things o the sort. I mean, the name alone is enough to......
Vivica - Cally!
Cally - Yes?
Vivica - I'll tell you you're pretty if you just shut up! Oh my freaking god!
Cally - Oh dear. Now you're mad at me aren't you? You are aren't you? Don't lie. You don't have to pretend. i know. I know. You're mad at me aren't you?
Vivica - Yes Cally!!!!!! I'm so very very mad at you if that's what you want!!!!!! Aghh!!!!!!
Cally - Okay. I'll just go back to work. Sorry to bother you Vivica.
Vivica - Thank you. What are you working on over there anyway?
(silence)
Cally? I said what are you working on?
(silence)
Hello? anybody home?
(silence)
Cally!
Cally - What?
Vivica - Why didn't you answer me?
Cally - You told me to be quiet.
Vivica - Yeah, but when someone speaks to you you're supposed to answer. it's called common curtesy. It's not something I normally think about, but if I understand it you should too.
Cally - Do you want me to understand it?
Vivica - You see! That's your problem. You let everybody else tell you wwhat you do...... like Cynthia.
Cally - It's not very nice to talk about people when they're not around.
Vivica - Well now Cally, don't you think people talk about you when you're not around.
Cally - Why of course not! That's just rude!
Vivica - Right. Tell me Cally, which way is the sky in your world? To the left of the unicorn or to the right of the rainbow?
Cally - You forgot the leprechaun.
Vivica - my point is Cally, you're never going to get anywhere in life unless you drive there yourself.
Cally - Oh I can't do that.
Vivica - And why not?
Cally - Because Cynthia always drives me.
Vivica - Ughh! Cynthia this! Cynthia that! Ughh! If I hear her name one more time i'm gonna......
Cynthia - (offstage) Cynthia Mills has arrived!
Vivica - Oh great. Roll out the red carpet.
Cally - Hold on. I'll go get it.
(Cally opens the janitor's closet and, sure enough, there's a red carpet inside)
Vivica - You know what Cally, no. Not today. Today, little miss perfect is going to walk on the regular carpet like the common folk.
Cally - Oh, she won't like that.
Vivica - So? If it's good enough for us it's good enogh for her. After all, you don't see a special carpet for us do you?
Cally - Well that's because we clean the carpet. Without us there is none.
Vivica - You really don't get it do you?
Cally - No. Carpeting was never my strong suite. I had an asthma attack when we istalled ours.
Vivica - Watch this.
(Vivica walks over to Cynthia's desk and pulls a bottle of ater out of her purse)
Cally - Vivica? What are yuo doing?
(Vivica sets the water on the table, waits a few seconds, then picks it back up and puts it back in her purse; she walks proudly back to her chair)
What did you do?
Vivica - You'll see. When that little......
(Cynthia bursts in carrying an umbrella, large tote bag labeled with the school logo, and wearing a business woman's suite)
Cynthia - Hello everybody! It's great to see your bright shiny faces. Oh my goodness is it dark in here or what? Why don't we get some light on?
(she reaches for the ilght switch which isn't there)
Hm. That's funny. Wonder what could have happened to the light switch.
Vivica - (hiding a hammer in her purse) Hm, I can't imagine who'd unscrew the light switch.
Cynthia - Oh well. That's what the back up generator is for.
(she reaches under the desk and flips a switch that turns the lights on; Vivica stares coldly at Cynthia)
There. All better now. Now where did Miss Morgan go?
Vivica - You rode here with Mrs. Morgan?
Cynthia - Oh yes! We're getting to be such good friends! Talk about your school princi......pal, huh? You get it? Princi......pal?
(she bursts out laughing, then collects herself)
Oh goodness. I slay myself.
Vivica - (under her breath) I wish you would.
Cynthia - What was that Vivica?
Vivica - (pretending to be all happy and cheery) Nothing Cynthia, queen of the office.
(under her breath again) More like queen of pain in the......
Cynthia - (staring down at her desk) Ughh! Vivica! Come quickly! Something terrible has happened!
Vivica - (sarcasticaly) Ughh! Oh no! Whatever could it be?
Cynthia - Injustice my dear Vivica. Pure injustice1 Just look at my desk! Look at it!
Cally - OO! I want to see!
(she falls off the ladder; Cynthia and Vivica stare at her for a moment, then direct their attention back to the desk)
Cynthia - Some heathen child has left a ring on my table! A ring! Can you believe it? A ring! Cally! Quick! Go fetch me the paper towels!
Cally - There are none Cynthia. Vivica used them all up!
Cynthia - All of them? On what?
Vivica - School project. I must say, I've never had so much fun doing my homework.
Cynthia - Cally! How could yu let her do this! You know better than to let Vivica out of your sight! You're supposed to keep up with these sort of things! Now my reproduction feux Austrailian-American Oak-Pine Bi-Product woodshaving desk is ruined! Ruined!
(she bursts out in tears)
Vivica - Hey! Don't blame her for this! Yeah sure the girl may be ditzy, insufficient and more trouble than what she's worth, but it's not her fault.
Cally - Gee Vivica, you really mean that?
Vivica - Every bit of it.
Cally - More trouble than I'm worth huh? Then that means I'm at least worth something! I'm so happy I could cry! But i won't because there aren't any paper towels to dry my eyes with.
Vivica - See? See how happy we've made her? How can you possible blame her for this?
Cynthia - For this? No. You're right. I can't blame her for this.
(she points at the ring of water on the table)
But for that! For that I can!
(she bursts out crying again)
But regardless of that, the day must go on. Come on office buddies! We have a school to run! desk, I knew you well. You were a good friend, a sturdy friend who hardly ever gave me splinters, and don't worry. I forgive you for that one time.
to be cont.
