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Like Blood in Water (1 Viewer)

MrTickle

Senior Member
This is a little poem I did. Thank you for reading :razz:

Like Blood in Water



I asked for my Dad's head
he laid bones on the table instead.

I ask my Mum why I float like blood in water
she set the tide to a distant border.

She taught me to jump to the rocks
when the path is blocked.

I need to catch that pigeon
I need a message giving decision.

I may end up on a foreign shore
wild as a boar.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Hey MrTickle, This is fierce... completely gorgeous... "I float like blood in water".... sublime... I am intrigued... but, the last line feels contrived, and fell flat... JMO... But really really fabulous work...
 

MrTickle

Senior Member
Thanks firemajic! Yeah you're dead right about that last line! That was the only line I had real trouble on, so will definitely re work it. I think I just over thought it lol. Anyway, I hope this is more of a poem than my last ones haha!

Thanks again!
 

Bard_Daniel

Senior Member
Nice rhyming Mr.Tickle! I also thought you could rework the last line but this is some good stuff here.

Thanks for sharing!
 
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