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Lights (1 Viewer)

Lyn

Member
Do you believe in Destiny ?

Do you believe in God ?

Do you believe in something ?

Because love

The soft moonlight travelled millions of lightyears

landed on every curve of your face,

As if they were destined to meet

This light,

It jumps off every strand of your hair

So fortune to be the one to take in this abstract like aura

One can dissect self to shreds

Anxiety ridden

So unsure of the future. One can mourn the life of the past.

But this moment, love. I swear, I am home.

As if in the Big Bang, we met, we danced and

promised to meet again.
 
Last edited:

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Do you believe in Destiny ?

Do you believe in God ?

Do you believe in something ?

Because love

I sit and I look

The soft moonlight travelled thousands of lightyears

landed on every curve of your face,

As if they were destined to meet

This light,

It jumps off every strand of your hair

And I am so lucky to be the one to take in this beautiful dance of the lights

I can dissect myself to shreds

I am anxiety ridden every day 10 years of the last

I’m so unsure of my future. Oh my god, I mourn the life of my past.

But this moment, love. I swear, I am home.

As if in the Big Bang, we met, we danced and

promised to meet again.

Nice imagination.... especially the last line As if in the Big Bang, we danced and promised to meet again.

Keep writing

Ritu
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I like what this piece is saying, I just think by removing the, “I,” and making it universal could help it connect further with the reader.

Cheers

Syd
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
Do you believe in Destiny ?

Do you believe in God ?

Do you believe in something ?

Because love

I sit and I look

The soft moonlight travelled thousands of lightyears

landed on every curve of your face,

As if they were destined to meet

This light,

It jumps off every strand of your hair

And I am so lucky to be the one to take in this beautiful dance of the lights

I can dissect myself to shreds

I am anxiety ridden every day 10 years of the last

I’m so unsure of my future. Oh my god, I mourn the life of my past.

But this moment, love. I swear, I am home.

As if in the Big Bang, we met, we danced and

promised to meet again.


I love taking something as big as the concept of god or the universe and decreasing it in comparison to a love interest. Beautiful words.
My only edit would be to take out "of the lights" in L11 because it sounds repetitive since you just mentioned the word "lights" a couple lines before that.
Great job. Love it!

-Annie
 
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