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Letter To True Love (1 Viewer)

ozofeteam

Senior Member
Dear true love
It’s been several days
Since we last saw your soft smiles
You hide your emotion
And wrap your feelings
In the ocean of deppression
You display happiness
And conceal bitterness
In the sole of your mind!
You hunger for sweet memories
And hides from the sweet aroma of love
We know you are hiding from another break
But always remember to give love a chance
One day you will find that which you seek
And your tale will last longer than that of Romeo and Juliet.
 
Last edited:

dannyboy

Friends of WF
Dear true love
It’s been several days
Since we last saw your soft smiles
You hide your emotion
And wrap your feelings - emotions and feelings - one or the other I think.
In the ocean of deppression - spelling
You display happiness
And conceal bitterness
In the sole of your mind!
You hunger for sweet memories
And hides from the sweet aroma of love - hide
We know you are hiding from another break - repetition of hide/hiding
But always remember to give love a chance
One day you will find that which you seek
And your tale will last longer than that of Romeo and Juliet.

I think this could be reworked and really stripped back, maybe take out the many your/you, see what you think.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi ozofeteam - I agree with Danny that your poem could be stripped back, I think he's given you some really good advice that you could use if you want to edit. I do really like your poem though, i think the strength of the core is there and the ideas and imagery are very good. Its a strong universal message. Writing it as a letter is a great idea, I might pinch that myself (never be afraid to shamelessly steal good ideas and make them your own ;) ). I remember reading one of your other poems. You've certainly got a talent for it. Keep going. All the best mate PG
 
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