This is my first time posting a script here, normally I only help others now is there time for revenge I guess...Anyway...
This is my Vampire movie script and I am at a loss, if someone could tell me how good the dialogue/storyline is etc.
Any amount of advice would be greatly appreciated.
INT-NIGHT-A DARK CANDLE LIT ROOM
Towering windows surround a throne with a long aisle leading to it.
Between the windows hang long still veils.
Suddenly the candles burn brighter and the veils move as if forced by a strong wind.
A single crow is seen flying up the aisle and landing on the back of the chair.
It calls and flock of crows fly into the throne.
The crows disappear with a bang and moonlight hits the throne.
The candles explode into towering pillars of flame and an ordinary looking man sits on the throne.
ArronaxA millennia has passed…
Yes. 100 years of planning your entrance…
A man is seen walking up the aisle, his black suit of armour reflecting patterns of violet. He does not wear his helmet.
Aldwyn walks to the foot of the throne and unsheathes his sword, to kneel on one knee leaning on the sword.
In the immortal flesh…
As Aldwyn stands there are after images of where he was before.
So to speak.
Unfortunately my mortal body could not keep up with me.
We are not all as fortunate as you are Master.
Where are the others?
Here and there…
Aldwyn sheathes his sword.
AldwynUnfortunately after your imprisonment.
We could not carry on as ordered, some turned to their
Mortal forms and carried on as such.
Or continued to serve, powerless.
Aldwyn begins to pace back and forth, leaving the after images in his wake.
AldwynThe child, who imprisoned you, somehow removed their powers.
Sealing them to this plane…
As I am now…
Aldwyn stops to face his master with a bow.
AldwynNot the powerful beings we once were, but mere objects
Of nightmares and imagination.
Arronax stands; as he does a small group of crows attempt to catch up with him. A single crow stands on his shoulder.
He walks to the beginning of the aisle.
AldwynLamia is being kept in a village temple I know of.
As a sign of goods triumph over evil… Sickening
ArronaxWe will make things right.
The crow flies over to Aldwyn and with a flash of violet light and Aldwyn is solid.
(His footsteps will make sounds…)
The crow reappears on Arronax’ shoulder.
ArronaxLet us reclaim our empire.
Arronax walks to the end of the aisle disappearing into a scattering flock of crows.
Aldwyn unsheathes his sword and holds the hilt, the point hitting the ground.
He bows his head and fades.