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Kismet - new script! (1 Viewer)

T

Teedus20

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site but I'm looking to get opinions on my writing. I just completed a script for school and I'm looking for honest critisism. Thank you in advance.

INT. SANDERS BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

The "Sanders Bookstore" is a small and cozy shop nestled in
the heart of a small town. Inside, low-hanging lights cast an
ornate orange glow onto the unique cottage atmosphere with
its hardwood surroundings.

At one end of the rectangular frame, six small rows of
bookshelves filled with books of all shapes and sizes face a
window overlooking Main Street. At the other end of the
store, three tiny steps lead up to a small nook complete with
a fireplace, a couch, a coffee table, and an armchair. Knee
high shelves line the wall in the nook crammed with hundreds
of children's books. A small lamp on an end-table and an area
rug underneath the couch help sell the idea of home.

A young woman with flowing red hair and bright-green eyes
sits with her feet up on the couch, with a book in her hands,
and a fire crackling in the hearth before her.

WOMAN (O.S.)
We're all done tonight, Eve.

EVE turns over to an older woman who ambles towards her.

EVE
You locked up?

WOMAN
I'm not expectin' anyone to come in
tonight. The storm's gettin' real
bad out there; the street's all
empty.

EVE
Is it? Well it's almost closing
time anyway.

The older woman finds a seat on the armchair and takes a
breath of relief.

WOMAN
You comin' up?

EVE
Soon. I feel like hanging around
here for a bit.

WOMAN
Alright, well just make sure to
turn off the lights when you're
done.

EVE
I will, I'll see you in a little
while mom.

DARLENE smiles and leans in, kissing Eve on the cheeks.

DARLENE
I love you.

Eve stares, confused.

EVE
What brought that up?

DARLENE
I just felt like sayin' it.

EVE
Well, I love you too.

Darlene smiles, gets off the armchair and heads towards a
lonely door at the corner of the room. She opens it and
begins to climb a set of stairs, closing the door behind her.

Eve sighs, turns her head, and looks towards the front of the
store.



INT. SANDERS BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

Eve stands in front of the frostbitten window overlooking
Main Street. She raises a hand to the glass and presses it
against the pane. As she feels the cold caress through her
hand, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She stands
there absorbing the moment until suddenly a knock on the
window startles her and she jumps back.

EVE
Jesus Christ - who is it?

MAN
Eve it's me, open up - quickly!

Recognizing the voice, she turns and makes her way to the
door next to the window using her hands to feel the textures
change from glass to wood. When she finds the door, she
unlocks the bolts and opens it.

A young man rushes inside covered in snow from head to toe;
he is shivering and shaking all over. Eve closes the door in
a hurry and turns to him.

EVE
Elijah, what's wrong?

She stretches out her hands and feels for him. When she finds
his face, she reacts to the extreme cold surrounding it.

EVE (CONT'D)
Christ Elijah, how long have you
been out there?

ELIJAH
A while, I needed to think.

EVE
Did you walk here?!

ELIJAH
I wanted to see you.

EVE
Come to the fire.

She takes his hand and together they make their way up to the
nook. When they reach the couch, Elijah let's go of her and
takes a seat.

Eve makes her way to the fireplace and feels for a piece of
cut up wood in a pile on the side and tosses it into the
hearth. She grabs the poker next to the pile and stokes the
fire. When she finishes, she replaces the poker and turns to
Elijah who has taken off his hat and coat.

EVE (CONT'D)
What were you thinking, Elijah?

He manages a smile.

ELIJAH
That I shouldn't let such a nice
night go unengaged? It doesn't
matter, I- I'll be fine.

EVE
Yeah, fine with a frostbite. Take
off your wet clothes.

ELIJAH
Uh-

EVE
You really think I'll look?

Elijah laughs through his shivers.

ELIJAH
One could wish.

Eve nods.

EVE
Yeah. Look, I'll be back. I'm going
to get you something from upstairs.

ELIJAH
Don't worry about that, we need to
talk.

EVE
We will, I'll be back in a minute.

She retreats to the door in the corner using her hands on the
changing textures to find her way. When she's gone, Elijah
begins to take off his soaked shirt and pants. He tosses them
onto the floor in front of the fire and then wraps himself in
the thick, blue blanket on the couch, waiting for Eve who
arrives shortly after with a bundle of clothing; she feels
her way towards him.

EVE (CONT'D)
Here, jogging pants and a sweater.

Elijah stares at the clothing with apprehension.

EVE (CONT'D)
Elijah?

JUMP CUT TO:



INT. SANDERS BOOKSTORE - NIGHT (FLASH FORWARD)

Flashes of Elijah in the same pair of jogging pants and
sweater handed to him by Eve as he lies on the floor in the
bookstore with blood all around him issuing from his chest.

BACK TO:



INT. SANDERS BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

EVE
Elijah?

He snaps out of his reverie and looks up at Eve.

ELIJAH
Oh, yeah. Thanks.

He grabs the clothes and begins to put them on. Eve takes a
seat on the couch next to him.

EVE
It should fit, it was my dad's old
stuff. Mom's making you some tea.

ELIJAH
Thanks.

He finishes putting on the clothing.

EVE
So are you going to tell me?

ELIJAH
Tell you what?

EVE
Where you were? What we need to
talk about?

ELIJAH
I was at the track.

EVE
In this weather?!

ELIJAH
Yeah. Nothing was going to happen.

EVE
What were you doing at the track?

ELIJAH
I was thinking.

EVE
And you couldn't do this inside
somewhere where it's warm?

ELIJAH
I think better when I jog.

EVE
I'm buying you a treadmill.

ELIJAH
It's not the same.

EVE
Well you can't go jogging in
December, sweety.

ELIJAH
The cold's overrated. Besides, like
I said, nothing was going to
happen.

EVE
You always say that, do you think
you're immune to stupidity?

ELIJAH
Not just stupidity. Do you believe
in fate, Eve?

EVE
Fate? No.

ELIJAH
Why not?

EVE
What's the point in life if I'm not
in control of my own future?

ELIJAH
What if it wasn't that simple?

EVE
It's always that simple.

ELIJAH
Indulge me.

EVE
Okay, so what's your point in all
this?

ELIJAH
The point is that I came here for a
reason tonight. But when you gave
me those clothes... when you gave
me these clothes I realized I
really can't change anything.

EVE
What do you want to change?

ELIJAH
What I've seen, and more that I
haven't.

EVE
And what haven't you seen?

ELIJAH
A future with you.

Silence.

ELIJAH (CONT'D)
Eve... I came here tonight -

Darlene steps into the room with a tray laden with a couple
of cups, some cream, and tiny packets of sugar. She sets the
tray onto the coffee table.

DARLENE
Do you have a death wish, Elijah?

ELIJAH
It wouldn't come true if I did,
Darlene.

DARLENE
What?

Eve shakes her head.

EVE
He's just being charming mom, don't
mind him.

DARLENE
Alright, well you have everythin'
you need here. I'm off to bed.
You're welcome to sleep upstairs
tonight, Elijah.

ELIJAH
Thanks. I'll take you up on that if
I can.

Darlene smiles and retreats back upstairs.

ELIJAH (CONT'D)
Do you want yours?

EVE
Soon, I like it when it's cooler.
So tell me, why did you come here
tonight?

ELIJAH
Can't you see? That's the point. I
can't tell you. Every time I try
something cuts me off. I'm not
meant-

EVE
Try again.

ELIJAH
Eve...

She leans in and kisses Elijah on the lips. She pulls back.

EVE
Tell me.

Silence. Eve leans in again and kisses Elijah on the lips,
this time lingering and making the kiss last. She pulls back.

EVE (CONT'D)
Tell me.

ELIJAH
Don't you know?

EVE
I need to hear it.

Elijah gets up off the couch.

ELIJAH
I can't!

Eve stands up and grabs him, wrapping her arms around him and
leaning her head on his chest.

EVE
Don't. Don't run away, just say the
words. Fate isn't real, Elijah. You
can change the future.

ELIJAH
Eve, I -

There is a knock at the door.

ELIJAH (CONT'D)
No...

The knock is stronger and Eve turns towards it, but Elijah
grabs her chin and gently turns her head back towards him.

ELIJAH (CONT'D)
Ignore it.

EVE
What?

ELIJAH
Please.

EVE
I can't. Elijah, if it's someone
who's hurt -

ELIJAH
It's not. Eve, please-
 
T

Teedus20

The door suddenly opens and a man steps inside wearing a blue
toque with black jogging pants and a brown heavy coat. In his
hands is a gun.

MAN
You two, don't move!

Elijah drags Eve behind himself.

ELIJAH
Listen-

MAN
Shut up! Get down here, now!

Elijah lets go of Eve and slowly heads towards the man.

EVE
Elijah, don't-

The man lifts the gun and points it at Eve.

MAN
I said shut the fuck up! You -
move!

Elijah reaches the man.

MAN (CONT'D)
Open the register.

EVE
He can't.

ELIJAH
Eve, shut up!

The man whacks Elijah over the head with the gun; he falls to
the floor and grabs his head in pain. The man with the gun
runs up to Eve.

MAN
You work here?

EVE
Y-yes.

MAN
Good. Now get the fuck down there
and open the register.

EVE
There's nothing in there! We
haven't had people-

MAN
Just open the fucking register or
your boyfriend gets a bullet in the
head!

Eve begins to move towards the register near the front of the
store. She moves slowly, feeling her way. Suddenly, the door
at the corner of the room begins to open, but the man reacts
fast and rushes towards it, slamming it shut. Darlene is
heard moaning behind it and the sound of her falling down
echoes in the room.

The man grabs the poker next to the fireplace and wedges the
door shut. He turns and rushes back to Eve, pushing her
forward, throwing her to the ground.

MAN (CONT'D)
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Move your fucking ass!

Just then, Elijah charges the man from the side and takes him
to the ground. The two begin to roll around and fight. Eve
slowly sits up with a bloody nose.

ELIJAH
Eve! Get the gun, it's around you!

Eve begins to feel around the floor for the gun while Elijah
and the man continue to struggle. As they fight, punches are
thrown from both sides but it looks like Elijah has the upper
hand until the man head butts him in the face. Elijah recoils
and grabs his bloody nose. The man further pushes Elijah off
him and jumps for the gun, stamping on Eve's hand just before
she finds it. Hot on his tail, Elijah jumps on top of the man
and they struggle on the ground until... BANG!

The man pushes Elijah off him and gets up; he looks down at
the blood on his stomach, then turns and runs out of the
store.

EVE
Elijah?!

Eve holds her broken hand to her chest and feels around for
Elijah with the other. When she finds a body on the floor,
she reaches to its face and feels the textures.

EVE (CONT'D)
Elijah, talk!

He coughs. Eve slowly traces a hand down his chest and stops
when she feels warm blood.

EVE (CONT'D)
Oh my God. Elijah, please. Answer
me!

He coughs once more.

ELIJAH
Eve...

She kisses him on the lips.

EVE
Please, please be okay. Please.

She kisses him again.

ELIJAH
I'm sorry, Eve.

EVE
No! Don't do this. Stay with me!

ELIJAH
I need to tell you-

EVE
Please, no.

ELIJAH
I couldn't change this. I could
never change anything.

He coughs more violently.

ELIJAH (CONT'D)
I -... I love you.

He coughs, but at the same time laughs.

EVE
I love you too. I love you too,
Elijah. Stay with me!

She kisses him on the lips.

ELIJAH
I'm sorry.

EVE
NO! Don't you say your good-byes!
Not now, please! Elijah!

She shakes his body.

EVE (CONT'D)
Elijah! No... no, Elijah. I love
you too. Please no!

She leans over his body and cries as time slows down and
paramedics and policemen arrive on the scene.

FADE TO BLACK.
 

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