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Kingdom Under the Mountain -- short story and original music (1 Viewer)

starsofclay

Senior Member

(HD Music:)


Kingdom Under the Mountain

There once stood a mountain, hiding amongst all the rest, in a place of existence far beyond worldly measure. The mountain was of heavenly form both within and without, and deep inside its echoing depths was built a kingdom--a vast network of earthly chambers all connecting in interlocking cylindrical patterns.

Here Terrance the fourth, king under the mountain, ruled for countless ages. His daughter Sophia knew the kingdom like the back of her hand... better, even. She had spent many a youths wandering its mysterious halls, godly palaces and candlelit courtyards, quiet as stone. Locked in a continuous loop of incarnations, she always awoke the same - - Little Sophia, beautiful and wise daughter of King Terrance, and princess under the mountain.

Soon, however, she would be mature enough to venture to the surface. Mother and father had been preparing her for this longer than she could ever know, despite all of the accumulated wisdom. There was just one final test... One last chance to prove she was ready.

It's common for a mountain dweller to forget everything when rising to the surface (really, it's a welcome part of the journey. ) Sophia was tasked with remembering her true self, with no help from outside forces.

Queen Clara blinded her daughter's mind for just a moment - - then asked: "Do you know who you are?"

Sophia looked around her bedroom with bright eyes, seeing it again for the first time.

The Queen repeated - - "Do you know yourself?"

Sophia now locked eyes with the questioner, as if finally recognizing their presence and inquiry. Her eyes closed gently and she just laughed, whole-heartedly.

Pleased, the Queen restored her daughter and wrapped around her in a loving embrace.

"Go now, my child. Explore! I'll be seeing you around..."


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This story brought to you by MindVenture Club. The painting is used by permission of club member, Patrick J. McCollum

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Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
Very beautiful music! The story is a nice slice of a bigger story. Just a couple of things jumped out at me:

"many a youths" I haven't heard this phrase before. Is it correct? If not, then perhaps "Many a youthful day"

"Sophia was tasked with remembering herself, with no help from outside forces." I think you mean that she was tasked with remembering with no help, but do you mean remembering herself or remembering by herself?

A nice read. I wanted to read on.
 
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starsofclay

Senior Member
Very beautiful music! The story is a nice slice of a bigger story. Just a couple of things jumped out at me:

"many a youths" I haven't heard this phrase before. Is it correct? If not, then perhaps "Many a youthful day"

"Sophia was tasked with remembering herself, with no help from outside forces." I think you mean that she was tasked with remembering with no help, but do you mean remembering herself or remembering by herself?

A nice read. I wanted to read on.
Ah OK. This is a spiritual fantasy story. She spent 'many a youths' refers to many reincarnations down there in the mountain. In this case, she probably reincarnated into the same life over and over, not different lives. With each one she accumulated wisdom.

And yes, she was tasked with remembering herself, since as she climbs the mountain she will forget everything and reincarnate onto Earth. In Spirituality, nothing is more important than remembering "your true self", not the incarnation.

(in a nutshell, lol)
 

Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
Ah OK. This is a spiritual fantasy story. She spent 'many a youths' refers to many reincarnations down there in the mountain. In this case, she probably reincarnated into the same life over and over, not different lives.

And yes, she was tasked with remembering herself, since as she climbs the mountain she will forget everything and reincarnate onto Earth. In Spirituality, nothing is more important than remembering yourself.

(in a nutshell, lol)
That clears up the "many youths." One needs to know the context for the phrase to make sense.

My only comment about "remembering herself", is it doesn't seem complete. Artistically it works, like if you said in a poem, 'remember herself'. But technically it doesn't explain what it is she is remembering, so you leave the reader to make their own assumptions. For me, I just automatically thought, remember what about herself, and then I thought of her personality? her experiences? her birthright? Everything about her life? If this is reincarnation, then it would be remembering past lives.

Also, when you say, "Mother and father had been preparing her for this longer than she could ever know, despite all of the accumulated wisdom". There was just one final test... One last chance to prove she was ready." How does she pass the test? By remembering her past lives or not remembering her past lives? If she was "tasked with remembering", then to me to pass the test, would be that she remembers. Perhaps it becomes clear when you read on.

I'm getting more intrigued by the story though. :)

Edit: I see you just added "your true self." Now that makes more sense. It would be good to include that somehow.
 
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starsofclay

Senior Member
Thank you! I agree.. Now I wish I had put her true self. I will change it in the text, and if I like it enough I'll fix the video. Maybe I can also clear up the many youths bit.

I should mention that this is a flash fiction, which is why it feels unfinished. I like to end my flash fiction with a thirst for more. You've given great ideas if I want to flesh it out into a larger story. Thanks 😊
 

starsofclay

Senior Member
That clears up the "many youths." One needs to know the context for the phrase to make sense.

My only comment about "remembering herself", is it doesn't seem complete. Artistically it works, like if you said in a poem, 'remember herself'. But technically it doesn't explain what it is she is remembering, so you leave the reader to make their own assumptions. For me, I just automatically thought, remember what about herself, and then I thought of her personality? her experiences? her birthright? Everything about her life? If this is reincarnation, then it would be remembering past lives.

Also, when you say, "Mother and father had been preparing her for this longer than she could ever know, despite all of the accumulated wisdom". There was just one final test... One last chance to prove she was ready." How does she pass the test? By remembering her past lives or not remembering her past lives? If she was "tasked with remembering", then to me to pass the test, would be that she remembers. Perhaps it becomes clear when you read on.

I'm getting more intrigued by the story though. :)

Edit: I see you just added "your true self." Now that makes more sense. It would be good to include that somehow.
Thank you for your suggestions! I have updated my video, and am much happier with the story now.

 
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