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King Tut and the Ghetto Slut [language] (1 Viewer)

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Old King Tut was higher than a kite
and Queen Cleo was gone for the night
he was in need of a sexy diversion
so he headed out on a little excursion

He proudly put on his royal crown
and left his tomb, to paint the town
his destination was the local Bar
where he was a Super Star

All the "Regulars" loved His Royal Highness
the booze he bought was always the finest
he ordered drinks all around
and guzzled those shots right on down

Then old King Tut saw a sexy little piece
with Cleo gone, he was off his leash
he said " come here baby, I'll buy you a drink"
and she was on his lap, as quick as a wink

Old Tut's hands were all over the place
as his royal lips devoured her face
Then hell blew through the bar room door
as Cleo sashayed across the floor....

She knocked that cheap chick on her ass
and in Tut's face she threw his glass
she leaned real close and whispered in his ear
her voice was soft, but her message was clear

"I'm going to take every thing you own
that tacky crown AND your outdated throne
I'll OWN that robe that is on your back
and you will be dressed in a gunny sack"

She said "say good bye to my Royal Ass
you were born a King, but you have no class
SAYONARA to you and your little limp dick
enjoy your low class Ghetto Chick"

As old King Tut lay on the bar room floor
watching his Queen walk out the door
he wished he had kept his ass at home
and kept his hands where they belonged....


 
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ned

Senior Member
enjoyed this royal romp - great imagination in the humour
with lines like 'and she was on his lap, as quick as a wink'

...but certainly, from the feminine point of view!

cheers
Ned
 

midnightpoet

WF Veterans
A good laugh, I wasn't sure about Cleo knowing a Japanese word, but in a way it made it funnier. Some of the lines (to me) didn't scan as well as others - go back and read it out loud to yourself. Overall great job.
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
Julia, what a great fun-filled romp! I always enjoy your funny and sexy 'alternative histories' :)

You have this structured pretty neatly, with a four stanza build-up and then the turn in the fifth, followed by four more stanzas dealing with revenge. Good stuff.
 

Glyax

Senior Member
Old King Tut was higher than a kite
and Queen Cleo was gone for the night
he was In need of a sexy diversion
so he headed out on a little excursion

He proudly put on his royal crown *I'm trying to think if we can change 'put on' to something else, but for some reason all I'm thinking of is donned...which is meh*
and left his tomb, to paint the town
his destination was the local Bar
where he was a Super Star

All the "Regulars" loved "His Royal Highness"
the booze he bought, was always the finest
he ordered drinks all around
and guzzled those shots were guzzled right on down

Then Old King Tut saw a sexy little piece
with Cleo gone, he was off his leash
he said " come here baby, I'll buy you a drink"
and she was on his lap, as quick as a wink

Old Tut's hands were all over the place
as his royal lips devoured her face
Then hell blew through the bar room door
as Cleo sashayed across the floor....

She knocked that cheap chick on her ass
and in Tut's face she threw his glass *is it supposed to be her glass? or his glass?*
she leaned real close and whispered in his ear
her voice was soft, but her message was clear

"I'm going to take every thing you own
that tacky crown AND your outdated throne
I'll OWN that robe that is on your back
and you will be dressed in a gunny sack"

She said "say good bye to my Royal Ass
you were born a King, but you have no class
SAYONARA to you and your little limp dick
enjoy your low class Ghetto Chick"

As old King Tut lay on the bar room floor
watching his Queen walk out the door
he wished he had kept his ass at home
and kept his hands where they belonged.... *pronounciation difference here? Or purposeful break from your rhyming scheme?* more curious than a critique



I attmpted to do editing the fanceh way :p. That being said, this was a very fun, enjoyable piece :). I liked how you kept the mood light, playful, and yet were able to keep it flowing nicely. Woe to the day we utilize our beautiful words and poetry...to describe ho's let be! :p haha (that was my attempt at a bad litearary joke :p )
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
ned, I am glad you enjoyed.. Thank you.

midnight... I will work on smoothing out the rhythm... thanks..

jen and Nellie, this poem is based on a friend of mine.. we do call him King Tut..

Glyax... thanks for your fabulous insight...

for those who "laughed".. fabulous.. thank you..
 

Sonata

Senior Member
What a treasure and what a pleasure to read and yes, I did laugh out loud, waking the puppy! :lol:

No hiding behind the couch for this delightful piece. Thank you!
 
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Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
hahaaa.... I am glad you enjoyed this poem Sonata... Thank you for reading and for your sublime comment...
 

Rafal

Member
How odd that King Tut lived to be 1400 years of age. That would make him older than any person who "lived" - religious legend or otherwise.

It is cute, light... and rather boringly cliched. Husband with a shrew of a wife gets a little action and then slapped in the face. You couldn't have made it more cliched had she been sitting across the table from him while he had the maid sitting in his lap on a wink.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Heeey Rafal, Welcome to the fabulous poetry thread... Of course I mentioned in the post above, that this poem was based on my friend, his nick name was King Tut, because he had a lot of .. ill gotten money.. he was a friend of Cyclone Mac and me.. we all partied together.. Cyclone Mac passed away from a terminal illness, and Tut is serving the last of his prison sentence... Thank you for your thoughtful, kind comments... the poem was sort of... just in memory of the good old days...
 

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Overall, a great read. A couple of minor nits. Sayonara is Japanese and ghetto is fifteenth century Italian in origin, as such, they are a bit out of sync with the recurrent themes of your technicolor desert. You went from New Kingdom Egypt to the post modern world in the blink of an eye.

(And yes, I admit to being something of an extreme dork...)
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
lol... We were a motley group of vagabonds... and we were definitely out of sync... I had fun writing this. Thank you for your fabulous comment..
 

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