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just looking for some opinions (1 Viewer)

Worlds

Senior Member
here is something i am working on. it isnt close to done, but i just wanna see what people say. any and all comments are welcome.

A.
What is going on here?

There is something terribly wrong.

When did we lose sight of what's really important in life? Why is it when I look around at my peers, I see nothing? I see the same dull-minded people going through their lives with no ambition and no hope. But that isn't the sad thing. The sad thing is that these people have been brainwashed into thinking that they are happy.

Am I alone here?

They form into their little groups, their identities are established by the way they dress and what they do for fun. We have emo kids doing drugs and drinking and being sad. We have preppy kids doing drugs and drinking and feigning happiness. We have punk rock kids doing drugs and drinking and thinking that they are fighting against the establishment. We have the scene kids and the hardcore kids and the racer kids and the jocks and the sluts and the Christians; we have subculture upon subculture upon subculture.

And they are all exactly the same.

They are all lost kids looking for answers in the ways that the media and trends and peer pressure tell them too. Yet, they are doing nothing. They are going nowhere. Where does the sad emo boy end up when he is thirty? Surprisingly similar to the preppy girl or the punk-grunge kid. In the end, all these classifications do are separate a group that could unify to change the world.

And before anything can be done, these barriers have to be broken down. We must be rid of the stereotypes and the false prophets of trend and clique. There are no answers in this depressed-angry-emotional-pop-dance music. There are no answers in the blade at the wrists, in the alcohol down your throat, the drugs in your lungs or up your nose, in the lusts of your flesh. The sooner we stop looking for truth in the wrong places, the sooner we can find truth in the right places.


B.

The essential problem of today’s youth: apathy.

By apathy I mean boredom in life.

By apathy I mean a lack of anything to fight for.

This apathy is what leads the youth astray. Life has become too easy for us. We have come to expect things to be given to us on a silver platter. The youth of today have lost all sense of true ambition.

The world tells us to accept the flawed. The world isn't perfect, and we're taught to think that that's ok.

Well it's not ok.

We can do something about it. If we'd turn off the television and the computer and get off our asses, we could change everything. But that would be too hard, wouldn't it? That would be work. Change is difficult. No one wants to put in any effort.

But can't we see? If we don't change, we're going to drown ourselves in petty materialism and die on our couches in front of our big screen tv's surrounded by our transient wealth and empty faces of fruitless interaction.

But where must this change happen? It has to begin with the individual. We must learn to understand ourselves. We must set aside our worldly desires and regain the appreciation of the important things in life.

We must better ourselves and lose that apathy.

In a world that has left us nothing to fight for, we finally have a struggle. We can struggle against ourselves. We can fight our apathy.

We can become enlightened


C.

What is enlightenment?

Begin with what enlightenment is not.

Enlightenment is not something that can be found on television. It cannot be found in drunkenness or in being high. Enlightenment is not the materialism that Laguna Beach and the media has led us to believe is fundamental for happiness. Enlightenment will not be found in money or in any faculty of the flesh.

Enlightenment IS the expansion of the mind and body through mental and physical exercise. Enlightenment IS the willingness and ambition to make the world and you better. Enlightenment IS the struggle against apathy.

Enlightenment is improvement.

The next fundamental question is how to achieve this enlightenment.





D.
The attempt to achieve Enlightenment is what I refer to as The Campaign Against the Mediocre Life.

The key is new things.

Stop letting the world force feed its philosophy of greed and materialism to you. Instead, get out feed yourself. Read philosophy. Study communism, socialism. Stretch yourself beyond your comfort. Be willing to loose all your current truths for new ones. Try and understand art, rather than just look at it. Exercise. Eat healthy. Do volunteer work. Paint a picture. Write a story. Listen to orchestra music. Seek to really get to know people rather than just use them. Stop having sex and develop a real relationship.

Replace watching television with reading a book.

Meditate. Ponder. Waste not a minute of your life.

With this comes purpose.

With purpose comes fulfillment.

With fulfillment comes happiness.

And with all this does not come apathy. And then the battle is half won.



E.
  • Read the Communist Manifesto
  • Run a mile.
  • Take up photography.
  • Read Lord of the Flies and try to understand what Golding was saying (it isn’t hard).
  • Watch cartoons.
  • Paint a picture.
  • Play the question game with someone. Take turns asking each other personal questions. This can go on for hours and you generally can learn some interesting things about your partner and yourself.
  • Quit drinking dark soda.
  • Quit drinking soda all together.
  • Take a walk.
  • Sit in a park and enjoy nature.
  • Read Plato Five Dialogues: Euthyphro, Apology, Crito, Meno, Phaedo.
  • Go fishing.
  • Pick a favorite quote and go out late one night and spray paint it onto a wall.
  • Listen to an entire Radiohead CD.
  • Write a short story about something that has happened in your life.
  • Quit drinking.
  • Read American Psycho. This is where we are headed.
  • Go surfing.
  • Learn an instrument.


F.
We all have something to offer.

Deep within us we all the ability to contribute something to the movement away from the world's teachings.

We all have talents. No matter how small or large, we all have natural abilities; things that our minds and bodies are predisposed to be good at. One of the worst things you can ever do in your life is to waste your talents. If you have a natural ability for art, then put time into developing your artistic abilities. If you are at heart a writer, then write as much as possible. If you are an athlete, push your body.

Never stop forcing your abilities to get better.

This is a form of self-improvement, thus a form of enlightenment.



G.
After self-improvement comes the improvement of society.



H.
Imagine a world where everyone tries to better themselves. Imagine a place where people are not wasting away in futile pursuits of wealth but instead occupy themselves in the betterment of society. This would be a world where people wouldn’t try to step on each other in order to be successful. This would be a place where people wouldn’t judge and discriminate against each other. No one would lie, cheat, or steal, simply because there would be no need. People wouldn’t kill each other or die needlessly.

Tell me, would this not be beautiful?

Instead, this would be a place where people looked out for one another. This would be a world where everyone strived to do the right thing. People would be educated and mature enough to live with each other’s differences. There would be no wars. There would be only peace and tolerance.

This is the goal.



thanks for looking!
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
great stuff!... and a noble goal... one i espouse myself, as a matter of fact...

technically, there are some minor glitches here and there, but nothing too serious... a good proofread should catch 'em...

so, do you also live by the mahatma's words in my sig?

love and hugs, maia
 

Beez617

Senior Member
This was absolutely uplifting and inspiring. It certainly makes me think and want to do things to better myself and the world around me.

I think this has serious potential.

Good luck!
 

Worlds

Senior Member
Thank you all for the comments, very encouraging and I appreciate them. the next part is ging to talk about the possibilites and the necessities of Utopia and a perfect world that I describe in the last part. I don't really keep a diary, other than the stories I write. These were just thoughts that have developed over time and I just decided one night to put them down and organzie them logically. the quote you have in your sig mamma is what its all about. thats kinda what this peice is about. i want people to read it and think. It isnt really about providing answers, though i believe in what I say. Its more about forcing the augience to think and question thier own conventions. If that happens, then I consider the peice a success. again, thanks for the comments!
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
browse my site, if you want to reaffirm your pov and enjoy the company of a kindred spirit... all of my work is dedicated to exactly what you've just described...

i would only caution you to not make it so much like proselytizing... telling people what to do never goes over well... showing them what can happen IF they do this or that will be better received and produce better results... and don't make it too long, or you'll lose 'em... a series of short essays will do more good than one long one...

hugs, m
 

Savant Deviance

Senior Member
That was seriously awesome. Kept my interest and forced self examination all teh way through without seeming intrusive. Excellent job, I look forward to seeing a revised version of this perhaps.
 

patthager

Senior Member
Surprisingly non-biased for an essay of this sort, as well as to-the-point, well-worded, unspiteful, and all those other charactistics of zen soccermom writing.

Its more about forcing the augience to think and question thier own conventions.
I always favored the lifestyle/work ethic/philosophy of Albert E. over many other self=proclaimed philosophers. Whats the real difference between a scientist and a philosopher. True unapathetic goals contain no magic or code. Both laws and blank spots on the grid paper are very constricting, and stop you from seeing the truth.

Enlightenment IS the expansion of the mind and body through mental and physical exercise.
There was this guy who was all over the news. Got stabbed mutliple times in the spine, was completely parilized, needed a pacemaker and iron. They inserted a chip in his brain with a radio transmitter that allowed him to use synthetic limbs as well as a mouse and keyboard equivalent translator program.

I look forward to reading more of your stuff
 

Cipher2

Senior Member
Are we all Homer Simpsons? Just lazy? But not just lazy physically, also mentally and spiritually? I dont agree with all the points but certainly a lot of them.
 
D

dscribe

I think an essay that's ultimately so positive deserves a different beginning. This one doesn't work for me at all. I read the first few sentences and assumed anyone who could make those generalizations--you look at your peers and see NOTHING? They're ALL EXACTLY THE SAME?--didn't have anything worth saying. If I'd been reading it on paper, you would've lost me on the first page. You could still make the point that something is "terribly wrong" without being so stern about it. Maybe instead of generalizations, you could use specific examples from people's lives--including your own. You could describe your feelings AS your feelings, instead of making them sound like judgments from on high. You might make your point about self-improvement by putting the negativity in the past tense. At the very least, you could be consistent with the "we" and "us" (as opposed to this is what's wrong with "them").

I'm sure you'll come up with something. You're a good writer!

 
You don't justify your claims that well. Some people aren't part of cliques and others form cliques that revolve around hating cliques. People can be categorized based on interest and belief. It's a reality of life - get used to it. I am also frustrated by how you advocate unifying cliques (or destroying them through unification) while recommending the manifesto. The manifesto should not be associated with the unification of anti-establishment individuals and christians. It's completely contradictary to the message. Furthermore, some people are punks because they enjoy the atmosphere and preps don't neccessarily all get drunk and pretend to be happy.

Your writing is fine, but your message is stereotypical garbage and nothing short of hypocrisy. Bah. Stop hiding the seriousness of the communist movement in a "7 Habits for Highly Effective Teens" style article.
 

Cipher2

Senior Member
Actually I agree with what dscribe says. It's good to look towards progressive ideas but the only way is to look at yourself. You can guarantee someone who criticises a certain fault in others has the same fault to a greater degree themself.
 
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