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"Jovial Man's Choice of Shirt Causes Stir" (1 Viewer)

mw1406

Senior Member
Houston, TXArthure Wibbly-42, wore a shirt today that, unbeknownst to him, was the sole cause of a spike in reported area disturbances.
"I've never wanted to fight anybody in my life... ever.." said Pastor Johnathan Albrete-68 from Houston. "but...when I saw that guy wearing THAT shirt... I immediately wanted to punch someone."

Pastor Albrete was not alone in those sentiments either. Once our reporters arrived at one of the disturbance scenes, they all reported observing Wibbly joyfully entering area businesses, only to quickly become engulfed in a sea of public angst.

Paule Reague-37, a local community organizer, said, "It's shirts exactly like that, that can get a person killed, and although I feel compelled to due this man great harm, I woefully force myself to channel that rage in positive direction in order to minimize the amount of physical abuse this man will inevitably suffer at the hands of many who feel as I do about that shirt."

One reporter on scene described Wibbly's shirt as being, "orange-red, short sleeved, button up with unevenly distributed floral design patterns, or a design similar to some outdated patio furniture seat cushions." By simply providing us with that brief description, it caused this reporter's blood pressure to spike, leaving him light headed and with clinched fists.

Wibbly's convivial demeanor, while wearing this "fashion-pathogen" if you will, only seems to fuel an already raging inferno of public discourse.

"It's like... like..he's completely unaware of like.. the dangers around him as a result of.. like.. whatever that thing is wrapped around him," said one teenage cashier, who asked that her identity remain anonymous, in a Abercrombie & Fitch store Wibbly visited.

We also spoke to a female customer in Abercrombie & Fitch, Margaret Reacher-57, who was reportedly in town shopping. "Nothing good can ever come out of wearing a shirt like that, and I've witnessed a lot of strange things", said Reacher, holding her head while appearing flush with contempt. Wibbly's issue aside for a moment, our sources were unable to verify why a 57 year old woman was shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch to begin with.

We finally caught up with Wibbly as he was exiting the clothing store. He pointed his thumb behind him and over his shoulder, saying, "what's with the crazy looking clothes they're selling in there now days?" Unfortunately, we lost communication with our news team immediately following that comment from Wibbly. We later learned from witnesses on scene that Wibbly was pummeled by an angry mob of people disguised as news reporters.
 
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randyveach

Senior Member
GREAT STORY! To the point, and had me wondering where I could find a shirt like that. On my smile-while-reading meter it was a 10.
Randy
 

Joe_Bassett

Senior Member
Reminds me of an article from The Onion. I think in one place you put "due" instead of "do" but otherwise, pretty hilarious work!
 

Greyson

Senior Member
Well done, some great dry stuff in there, really showed off some good wit. I love humor that comes as almost an aside, and you delivered that perfectly I felt, well done indeed.

-Greyson-
 
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