This is a melodrama
Jesters finish last
Or
The Last Laugh
Time setting: Around the late 1800- early 1900’s
Characters
Villain- Sir Meaniebottom/ Our terrible villain, miserly penny pincher seeking to tear down The Performing Monkeys Theatre and ruin Jack to win Precious Flowers. He basically tells the Theatre their taxes on the theatre are overdue, and they owe 500 pounds. (When in actuality, they only owe 100 pounds) Tries to win Precious Flowers by telling her lies about her beloved Jack, making her believe them, then false comforting her so she would run to him when she is thrown into the cold due to the closing of the theatre.
Hero- Jack Goodman/ The hero of our tale, handsome, strong, but an idiot. Madly in love with Precious Flowers, but doesn’t really know how to tell her. He attempts to at the 99th performance of ‘ Mister Miser’ celebration, but fails to. When the news of the theatre’s high overdue taxes, Jack’s plans of asking Precious to marry him are ruined, since he too is thrown into the cold with no money. He makes one last attempt to, by practicing a proposal to Missy, when Precious Flowers sees this; she turns from Jack cold-heartedly.
Heroine- Precious Flowers/ Our Heroine, lovely, innocent, and naïve. Also madly in love with Jack, and is awaiting his proposal. When the theatre is shut down, Precious still awaits Jack’s proposal, that is, until Sir Meaniebottom begins to tell her false stories about Jack cheating on her with Missy. Not ready to believe this, she runs to Jack to find him proposing to Missy, Broken Heartedly she begins to get ready to leave with her Mother.
Hero Sidekick- Missy Kicks/ Missy is basically a tomboy, being a ploy between villain and hero
Mother/ Old widow whose losing her mind and hearing
The extra participants of the theatre
Act One
PROLOGUE
(Curtain opens to the extra Performing Monkeys actors, all-standing as if a scene had just ended. They stay perfectly still. A few moments later Jack Goodman enters, with his beloved Precious flowers arm in arm from right. They cross to the center stage)
JACK- I’m Jack Goodman, actor extraordinaire! And also the hero of this, our Theatre’s beloved tale!
PRECIOUS- I’m Precious Flowers, so sweet and innocent! I’ll love our Hero because he’s so magnificent!
(Enter Sir Meaniebottom from left, and crosses to center)
MEANIEBOTTOM- I’m Sir Meaniebottom, greedy and rich! But I’ll tear down the Performing Monkeys, no matter what the price!
(Enter Missy and Mother from opposite sides)
MISSY- I’m Missy Kicks, and I’ll help save the day! (Aside) It only depends which side I’m truly on!
MOTHER- (Confused) Did you say ‘ Eat some hay’? Why in Heavens would you do that?
ALL- (Sighs) And this is Mother Flowers. Welcome to our theatre! We hope you enjoy our show!
(Curtain close)
Scene 1
(Curtain opens and enters Sir Meaniebottom from left. He crosses to the center to speak to the crowd)
MEANIEBOTTOM- So that theatre, The Performing Monkeys, they think they can make a fool of me? Bah! I’ve heard of the theatre’s nightly performances of ‘ Mister Miser’ the story of an evil penny pincher, and they think me ignorant enough to not notice it’s about me? Their mocking me, yes I know it! And I’ll make that theatre pay! Oh, how they will pay! (Takes out a regular sized scroll and reads
Performing Monkeys Bill: One Hundred pounds… (Evil chuckle. Meaniebottom takes a longer scroll and attaches it to normal sized scroll) Now they owe five hundred pounds! If the theater can’t pay their rent they’ll be kicked out before their 100th performance of ‘ Mister Miser’ and the fifth year anniversary! And then, when Precious’ Flowers Love, Jack Goodman can’t afford to marry her, she’ll have to turn to me, or have her mother die when winter comes! Ha ha ha! Good Bye, Performing Monkeys! (Exits right. Curtains close)
Scene 2
(Curtains open up to the stage, set up for Mister Miser. There is a desk center, with a typewriter on it, with an old man wearing a black top hat and cape sitting, looking over a long scroll. He softly chuckles to himself. Left Precious is tied up in a chair, gagged, and right is a door.)
MISER- eh heh heh heh, my dear miss Prudence. (He walks over to her) You now see my plan?
PRECIOUS- (Muffled cry)
MISER- Oh? Do you really think I can be caught now? Pah! Your “hero” wont be here to save you now!
PRECIOUS- (Another muffled cry)
MISER- Heh heh heh, that’s what they all say!
(Jack storms in right, striking his Hero pose.)
JACK- (Sounding VERY rehearsed) Not so fast, Mister Miser!
MISER- Gasp! It’s Goodbottom here to stop me! (aside) though not likely!
JACK- Yes… (Long pause) uhh… (He whispers off to wings) line? (Pause) Oh! I will stop you! (Hero pose. Lunges at Miser, socking him in the jaw. He falls motionless. Jack does another hero pose and unties Precious)
PRECIOUS- My hero! (Hugs him)
(Curtains fall. Sound of Applause)
Scene 3
(Curtains stay close for about a minute while the sound of a party fills the theatre. Curtain opens to Mother DL. The extra actors mingling.)
(Enter Missy left)
MISSY- Mother Flowers, have you seen Jack?
MOTHER- No Dearie I haven’t. I believe he went to walk with my daughter for a moment.
MISSY- Do you think he’ll ask her now?
MOTHER- Ask what?
MISSY- To join him in Marriage.
MOTHER- (A bit confused) I don’t think my daughter can help him buy a carriage…
MISSY- No mama! (Saying it a bit louder) Do you think he’ll ask her to marry him?
MOTHER- (Still confused) Bury him? (Shocked) Oh gracious! Is he dead? (Begins to sob loudly, taking a kerchief from her dress) And he was such a nice boy! (Sob sob) I was hoping he’d ask Precious to marry him! (Sob sob sob)
MISSY- (Sighs loudly)
(Enter Precious and Jack, arm in arm from right)
MOTHER- (Getting up and hugging Jack) Oh you aren’t dead!
JACK- (Confused) I’m… um… not?
MISSY- (A bit harsh) Mother Flowers has misplaced her brain again. (Eye roll)
JACK- Ah…
MISSY- Jack, Precious! Where have you been, you’ve hardly been here to celebrate our 99th showing of ‘ Mister Miser’!
JACK- Aw, I’m sorry Missy! Ms. Flowers and I were just taking a stroll around our lovely theatre. It is a lovely night!
PRECIOUS- Tis!
(The two sigh lovingly together)
MOTHER- You say you saw a troll like creature?
JACK- (Louder) WE TOOK A STROLL AROUND THE THEATRE!
MOTHER- Ohhhhhh…
MISSY- (Pulling Jack away from Mother and Precious) Did you ask her, Jack?
JACK- Aw no! I wanted to, but shucks, Missy! I couldn’t. I may be handsome, strong, smart,
(Missy coughs)
JACK- But I’m not brave enough to ask her… What if she said no?
MISSY- Now why would she say no?
JACK- Because…(Long pause) Well… I don’t know really, but she would!
MISSY- Why don’t you ask her after the 100th showing of ‘ Mister Miser’ in two weeks?
(Jack thinks)
JACK- I don’t want to wait that long!
MISSY- Then ask her now!
JACK- No!
MISSY- Why?
JACK- I’m scared!
MISSY- Then wait two weeks!
JACK- I don’t want to wait that long!
MISSY- Ugh!
JACK- I know! (Whispers and the two lean in together) I’ll ask her at the 100th showing of ‘ Mister Miser’!
MISSY- (Throws her arms into the air and walks over to Mother and Precious)
(Jack exits right)
(The three girls make it seem as if they are talking)
(Enters Sir Meaniebottom UL)
PRECIOUS- (Walks up to greet him) Hello Sir Meaniebottom
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Smiling) Hello my dear, Ms. Flowers…
PRECIOUS- (Backs up a foot) Come to join in the happiness, Sir?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Takes a moment to look her over, pleasantly.) Yes, I am in fact. (Aside) For it is my happiness to see their horror! Besides, why crush their fun now? I’ll let them enjoy their theatre for another day or so. It is more fun watching it crumble before their eyes! Ha ha ha!
PRECIOUS- Good! I’m happy to see you aren’t upset with us, Sir.
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Feigning innocent) Unhappy? What ever are you talking about?
PRECIOUS- About us joking about you, Sir! ‘ Mister Miser’-
MEANIEBOTTOM- Ah, yes, that. (Aside) She has no idea! (Returns) Why, the thought never even came across my mind, Ms. Flowers! (Taking a step towards her) I could never be upset (another step) with such a beautiful rose…
PRECIOUS- (A little uncomfortable, she takes a step back) I’m glad to see you are not, Sir. I was afraid you would be.
(Missy stepping in)
MISSY- Aw, why would he be mad at us? He knows we’re just teasing! (Takes his head under her arms and gives him a nuggie) C’mon, you old penny pincher!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Breaks free and adjusts his suit, ready to sock Missy, but stops himself, returning to character) Ha, ha… yes… quite….
(Enter Jack from right. He stops seeing Meaniebottom jumping back)
JACK- What is this creature doing here, Ms. Flowers?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Interrupting) Jack! Come now, this is no time for trouble. (Aside) Not yet!
JACK- (Relaxes, remains a bit suspicious) Riiiiiighhhhhht….
(Enter Director from RC)
DIRECTOR- (Clapping her hands to gather attention) People! People! (Crosses to DL)
(All gather around)
DIRECTOR- (Sighing happily and clapping her hands casually) Well, this has been the 99th showing of ‘Mister Miser’ and let me say; it seriously has been the best!
(All sigh happily)
DIRECTOR- Now, next week is our last showing. I know guys think that because it is the last, you can goof off, but that is false! This must be our absolute best showing!
(Cheers)
DIRECTOR- And, not only will this be the 100th showing, but it is the fifth anniversary of The Performing Monkeys Theatre!
(More cheers)
(Precious exits)
DIRECTOR- So, let’s go out there in two weeks, and give them the best damn show, this side of Gladville!
(Enter Precious with a tray of wine glasses. She passes them out to everyone. When she gets to Sir Meaniebottom she hands him the drink. He grabs her wrist gently and kisses it. The takes the glass. Jack growls. Mother downs her drink immediately. When she reaches the bottom she is slightly disappointed. She turns it upside down over her tongue shaking the last little drops)
DIRECTOR- A toast! (The all raise their glasses) To us!
JACK- To the audience!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Aside) To their failure!
(They toast. Mother grabs Missy’s glass before Missy has a chance to taste it. Curtain closes)
Scene 4
(The next day at Sir Meaniebottom’s hideaway. Curtain opens to our Villain, pacing eagerly across the floor. There is a knock)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Enter!
(Enters Missy left)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Where have you been?
MISSY- (Crosses to couch DL) I was out, doing YOUR dirty work. (Sits down and lies out on couch.)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Crosses to Missy, anxious) Well?
MISSY- Well what?
MIANIEBOTTOM- Are they suspicious?
MISSY- (Laughs) Ha! That idiot Jack, and his naïve lover, Precious? Never suspect a thing!
MEANIEBOTTOM- And you’re supposed to keep it that way!
MISSY- Trust me, those two will never figure out anything.
MEANIEBOTTOM- (adjusting himself) So… has that no good Jack asked Precious to marry him?
MISSY- no… I told him to wait till after the show
MEANIEBOTTOM- perfect… (Thinks) hmmmm…
MISSY- (rising suspiciously) I know that face, Meaniebottom! What are you planning?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Starts to tell Missy, buts stops, and rushes to each exit, looking, and listening. Finally he returns t Missy, whispering) What would you say if I could get Precious to marry me?
MISSY- I’d say you’re mad!
MEANIEBOTTOM- On the contrary, Missy. If I can convince Precious that her beloved Jack is in love with another woman, and once they are all turned away from the theatre with no money, Precious will have no one to protect her old mother, and then, then I’ll ask her to marry me!
MISSY- She’ll never love you. It will never work!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Who said she’d have to love me? (Aside) Well not EVERY day!
MISSY- (Sighs) Fine… what do you wish me to do?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Once I shut down that theatre, convince Jack to practice proposal on you. Tell him he should ask her now, before she decides to move away. Then, I’ll come in with Precious, who will see him propose to you, after I’ve told it was true. Then, Precious will be mine! All mine! Ha ha ha!
MISSY- I will see that is works, Sir…
MEANIEBOTTOM- Good… Now go! I’ll be to that theatre shortly with the terrible news!
(Missy exits)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Muhahahahaha…
(Curtain closes)
Scene 5
(Later that day at the theatre. Curtain opens to the actors practicing a part of the play. Precious and Jack.)
JACK- (Playing as Sir Meaniebottom) You must pay the rent!
PRECIOUS- I can't pay the rent!
JACK- You must pay the rent!
PRECIOUS- I can’t pay the rent!
JACK- You MUST!
PRECIOUS- I CAN’T!
JACK- Then I must throw you out!
PRECIOUS- You can’t throw me out!
JACK- I can!
PRECIOUS- You can’t!
JACK- I will!
PRECIOUS- No!
JACK- Yes! Ha ha ha!
(Enter Missy from left)
DIRECTOR- Missy! Where have you been?
MISSY- Sorry, I had previous arrangements.
DIRECTOR- Alright, but, next time warn us?
MISSY- Yes… sorry.
(Enter Sir Meaniebottom, looking sad)
DIRECTOR- (A bit shocked) Sir Meaniebottom! What brings you here? And with such a long face?
MEANIEBOTTOM- A heavy heart I’m afraid...
(All gather)
PRECIOUS- What is it?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Taking a long scroll from his cape) It seems this theatre owes 500 pounds in overdue taxes… I’m afraid I must collect it.
(Loud gasps)
JACK- We don’t have that much money!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Aside) Well no duh! (Returns) Oh, my! That means… I must shut down this theatre!
(Louder gasps)
JACK- (Sadly) We can’t pay the rent…
MEANIEBOTTOM- You MUST pay the rent- I mean oh. (Bows head)
(All but Missy bow their heads in sadness)
End Act One
Act two
Scene 1
(Curtain opens to Mother Flowers in her rocking chair, knitting DL. Next to her is a couch. She brings it up to adjust it, showing to the crowd it is a mangled knitting work. She continues knitting as Precious enters DR, in tears. Mother rises and walks over to her, with slight difficulty)
MOTHER- Daughter, daughter!
PRECIOUS- Mother, mother!
MOTHER- Daughter, what ever has happened?
(Precious rushes into her mother’s arms sobbing loudly, making a few mumbles. Mother nods, then jumps a bit shocked)
MOTHER- What? They hunt rabid deer?!
DAUGHTER- (Pulling away, she sucks up her sobs) No Mama! They shut down the Theatre!
MOTHER- Oh my! That’s much worse!
DAUGHTER- (Returns to her mothers arms) Oh mama! What are we going to do? Now that the Theatre is shut down, we will have no money.
MOTHER- (Continues to rock her back and forth) Shhhh… Don’t worry my baby. We’ll make it somehow.
PRECIOUS- (Still sobbing) But how Mama! How?
MOTHER- (She lifts Precious’ chin to see her) No Precious… do you remember when your father?
PRECIOUS- (Shakes head) No mama…
MOTHER- Well I do. (Pause for Mama to remember) I remember… we were never rich. For a long time, we had to dress you in sheets.
PRECIOUS- (Looks at Mama a bit confused)
MOTHER- But we always found a way. Your father would never let us down. Even when he died, he left us his Life Savings, so we could pay for his funeral, and move on. And just because now times seem hard, and they probably will be, we will survive.
PRECIOUS- (Remembering) Ohhh, you mean the boyfriend you slept with who ran away with all our money?
MOTHER- (Sobbing slightly) I know baby… I miss him to… (She strains to finish her sentence) BUT HE’S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW! (Sobs overwhelm her)
PRECIOUS- (Rolls her eyes) I do too mama…
(Knock)
MOTHER- (Sobs stop) Was that a knock?
DAUGHTER- Enter!
(Enters Jack from right, head bowed sadly)
JACK- Hello Ms. Flowers… Precious…
(Precious dashes over to Jack’s arms, hugging him tightly)
PRECIOUS- There, there Jack!
MOTHER- Bear? Where?! I’ll get my gun! (Exits left)
(Both sigh)
PRECIOUS- Oh Jack! I can’t believe it… I just can’t
JACK- We have to Precious…. Our theatre is… what’s the word?
PRECIOUS- What word?
JACK- The word…. No more! That’s it!
(Pause)
PRECIOUS- Jack… That’s two words…
JACK-… Oh….
(Both cry loudly)
(Enter Mother with gun)
MOTHER- Now where is that bear? (Exits right. From wing I’LL GET YOU BEAR!!!!
(Jack and Precious cross to couch, holding hands. They sit down, Precious leaning her head on Jack’s shoulder)
PRECIOUS- It’s true… It’s nearly impossible to believe… but it’s true. The Performing Monkeys is no more…
JACK- Aw Precious! Try to look on the bright side!
PRECIOUS- What bright side is there, Jack?
JACK-…. Actually… There isn’t any but…
PRECIOUS- (Begins to cry)
JACK- Oh! Please don’t cry!
PRECIOUS- But why Jack? Why shouldn’t I cry? We’ve lost our theatre! Our jobs! Soon, we’ll have to all move away from each other, go and make a living elsewhere… Jack… Things will never be the same!
JACK- … Hmm… You’re right… (He sniffs, trying to remain manly.)
(They both cry together)
(Curtain closes)
Scene 2
(Curtain opens up to Meaniebottom’s lair again. Meaniebottom is pacing across the floor. There is a knock)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Enter!
(Enter Missy left)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Where have you been?
MISSY- Is that all you ask when I come in? Why not ‘hello. How are you?’ or ‘ Greetings!’?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Because then I’d be Sir Caringbottom! Duh!
MISSY- (Sarcastically) Heaven forbid… Anyways, what do you want?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Do you know the whereabouts of Precious?
MISSY- I believe Jack went to visit her at home.
MEANIEBOTTOM- I need you to pull Jack away so I may speak to Precious… alone.
MISSY- And what would you have me do?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Take him to the park, and ask him what are his plans with Precious. Then, get him to practice propose on you. During that time, I’ll be telling Precious all about her love, Jack, and then, take her to the park and then she will see Jack propose to you, and then I’ll be her hero! Ha ha ha!
MISSY- (Aside) and then… and then… (Return) Yes sir… You can count on me.
MEANIEBOTTOM- Good, now get out! I’ve got to look smashing for Precious!
(Exit Missy left)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Rubbing his hands together mischievously) Muhahahahaha….
(Close curtain)
Scene 3
(Curtain opens up to Precious’ home again, with Jack and Precious on the couch. Precious is leaning her head on Jack’s shoulder, sobbing slightly every now and again. Suddenly there is a knock.)
JACK- (out of character, he spreads his legs to the next cushion over Precious’ legs) Entrée-!
PRECIOUS- (Looks at Jack)
JACK- (Back in character) I mean- (looking around) was that a knock?
(Enter Missy CR)
JACK- (Less then full heartedly) Hello Missy…
MISSY- Jack, I must speak with you right away!
(Jack gently sits up)
JACK- Missy can it wait? I’m trying to sulk here with Precious…
MISSY- Jack, it’s important.
JACK- How important?
MISSY- VERY important.
JACK- How VERY important?
MISSY- Like-when-you-found-out-your-imaginary-friend-bobo-wasn’t-real important
JACK- (Teary eyed) Bobo…
(Jack looks to precious, who nods in agreement for him to go. Jack goes to her and hugs her before turning back to Missy.)
JACK- Okay, let’s go…
(Exit Missy and Jack)
(For a moment, Precious sits there thinking.)
(Knock)
PRECIOUS- Come in!
(Enter Meaniebottom right)
PRECIOUS- (Surprised, she stands up) Sir! What brings you to my home?
MEANIEBOTTOM- I’ve come to protect you, Ms. Flowers!
PRECIOUS- Protect me sir? From what?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Looking around the house with disgust) the nasty bright pink color-that’s just tacky-I mean from the love you call Jack Goodman!
PRECIOUS- Jack? Oh, Sir. I think you are mistaken.
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Approaching Precious) How I wish I were, Ms. Flowers. I thought I should tell you now, before you saw it for yourself… Jack doesn’t love you.
PRECIOUS- What? (Laughing) Oh Sir, I KNOW you are mistaken! Jack loves me!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Oh no, Ms. Flowers, it is you who is mistaken. I have just now seen Jack myself, fondling Ms. Kicks.
PRECIOUS- Missy? No, no, they are just friends.
MEANIEBOTTOM- Fine, don’t listen to me… I just wanted to save you from some deep heartache. (He turns his back to leave.)
(Precious stands thinking then runs after Meaniebottom)
PRECIOUS- Wait sir!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Stops, he smiles wickedly to the aud
PRECIOUS- You swear you’re telling me the honest truth?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Taking Precious’ hand and kissing it gently) By the moon, my sweet… I can prove it. I heard they were going to the park. You can come see for yourself.
PRECIOUS- Okay, but only to prove that Jack loves me, and not Missy and this is all a misunderstanding!
(Meaniebottom offers his arm to Precious, and she accepts it. The two exit right)
(Curtain falls)
Scene 4
(Curtain stays closed, and light shows onto the front apron on a park bench L. Missy and Jack enter from R and walk over to the Park bench. Missy takes a seat while Jack paces slowly back and forth)
MISSY- Jack, what’s got you so upset?
JACK- (Stops pacing, letting out a long sigh and taking a seat next to Missy) Well, now that the theatre is no more, I cant propose to Precious. I have no money to support her, or give her a nice wedding…
MISSY- (Putting a hand on his shoulder) Jack, Precious loves you more than your wallet. You know that.
JACK- Yeah, I did…. But now… I don’t know. I’ve never been so torn.
MISSY- Torn Jack?
JACK- Between asking her to marry a penniless broken man, or to leave her, knowing she will find someone with lot’s of money, money to buy her a house for her mother, dresses, jewels, the finest of fine…
MISSY- (Sympathetically) Jack, you love Precious, and she loves you. She wont care if you cant afford a carriage, or a nice marriage. Just as long as you two can be together…
JACK- Do you really think so Missy?
MISSY- Yes, now here. (Pushes Jack off bench) Practice a proposal on me.
JACK- (confused) Missy don’t you think this is kind of sudden?
MISSY- Not a real proposal you dope! I know you’re having some trouble with proposing, so practice what you’re going to say to her on me.
JACK- I dunno Missy…
MISSY- Do it now! Before it’s too late!
JACK- Okay! (Getting up) Sheesh Missy. You sure are bossy!
MISSY- (Rolls her eyes) Go!
(Jack gets down on his left knee, and then realizing he’s backwards, adjusts himself to the right leg.)
JACK- Missy- I mean, Precious! You mean the world to me… And I know I’m a penniless broken man-
(Enter Meaniebottom and Precious arm in arm. Precious jumps back as she see Jack on one knee, proposing to Missy.)
PRECIOUS- (Strikes listening pose.)
JACK- And well… I just wanted to ask… Will you spend the rest of your life with me? I mean, what I’m trying to say is, will you marry me?
(Precious lunges forward attacking Jack. Jack startled let’s out a scream. *Preferred if it’s high pitched)
PRECIOUS- You backstabbing-! I can’t believe you-you- you traitor!
JACK- Precious! It’s not what you think!
(Precious gets off Jack)
PRECIOUS- Not what I think? Oh Jack, just a few moments ago, I heard a story I would scarce believe! But now, I see it is all true! How could you, Jack Goodman! And with that- (Accusation pose to Missy)
MISSY- Hey!
PRECIOUS- And after I defended you Jac- Mr. Goodman!
JACK- Precious, please listen-
PRECIOUS- Now my innocent eyes are open to the deceitful world of men. (Looking to Meaniebottom) Thank you Sir Meaniebottom, I’m sorry I did not believe you… Now if you don’t mind, I’m going home to cry! (Running, exits right.)
(Jack stands, reflecting. He slowly strikes the horror pose, falling to his knees in tears. He walks over to the bench and lies down on it, sobbing. Missy looks down sympathetically at him. She leans over him patting him on the back. She glares to Meaniebottom. Lights fade slowly on Missy, Meaniebottom and Jack…)
End act two
Act three
Scene one
(Curtains open up to Meaniebottom’s hideaway, this time Missy is there, laying on the couch, twirling her hair. She seems focused on something, and is distracted even when Meaniebottom enters.)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Noticing Missy is in the room, he walks over to her) Ah, hello Missy! How are you today?
MISSY- (Startled, she comes back to reality, looking at Meaniebottom) Mm… can’t complain.
(Meaniebottom takes from his coat a small sack and throws it in Missy’s lap)
MISSY- What’s this?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Your pay… 500 pounds.
(Missy rises and faces Meaniebottom. She throws the sack at him angrily)
MISSY- I don’t need your money!
MEANIEBOTTOM- temper temper!
MISSY- Back off!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Missy, what’s got you so rung out? That’s 500 pounds you’re ignoring!
MISSY- It’s not worth my crimes.
(Meaniebottom nods)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Ohhh… Having some regrets?
MISSY- I have no regrets, Sir Meaniebottom!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Then take the money and go…
(As Meaniebottom exits, Missy stands, a look of anger passing her face, as another look of meditation crosses, and lights fade)
(Curtain close)
Scene 2
(Curtain opens to Precious and Mother Flowers. Boxes are scattered across the stage, Precious is packing things into them. Mother Flowers just rocks in her chair, sleeping, and snoring loudly. Precious looks to her mother and smiles slightly. She picks up a stuffed animal looking at it, and smiling sadly)
PRECIOUS- I remember when Jack gave this to me… It was last year on my Birthday. I made dinner and he choked on a chicken bone… Luckily Missy knew what to do, he spit the bone out, and it hit me in my head, knocking me out. He bought this for me when I was unconscious in bed… (She looks at it for a little while long. Suddenly she throws it over her shoulder shrugging.) Oh well.
(Precious storms over to her mother)
PRECIOUS- Ugh! Can you believe Jack and Missy?
MOTHER- (Snoring loudly)
PRECIOUS- I mean, I know I’m not the best bride, but… Missy? I just can’t believe this!
MOTHER- Snooooooooooreeeeeeee…
(Knock)
PRECIOUS- Enter if you aren’t Jack or that hussy Missy!
(Meaniebottom enters right)
PRECIOUS- (Double takes, realizing it’s Meaniebottom) Sir Meaniebottom!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Please call me Hubert…
PRECIOUS- (Aside) Te he he… Hubert… What a dorky name… (This is a perfect time for someone in the audience to get up, and leave the theatre crying loudly) (Precious returns and in the exact tone as Meaniebott
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Pleased) Precious… I just came to make sure you were alright, and… (Looking around) What’s with the boxes?
(Precious crosses to collapse on couch)
PRECIOUS- We’re moving. I can’t stand to be in the same town as Jack!
MOTHER- (Suddenly rises, exiting to left stage) BEAR!
(Watch confused. They return to the conversation as if it never happened.)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Taking a seat next to Precious, placing his hand on her’s, and speaking sympathetically) Yes, I know… you must be hurt… I’m sorry, I tried telling you-
PRECIOUS- And I’m sorry for not listening. I just didn’t want to believe…
MEANIEBOTTOM- I understand… Precious, I wanted to ask you something.
PRECIOUS- Yes (giggles) Hubert
MEANIEBOTTOM- I know that, now is probably not a good time to ask, and maybe it’s too soon, but… (Kneels) Will you marry me?
(Curtain closes)
Scene 3
(Curtain stays closed, as it is the park again, and the bench is seated right, along with the silent sobbing Director. Enter Missy left, she dashes up to the Director, and taps her on the shoulder. Director looks up. Missy attempts to show her the money, but Director gets up, scrambles over to the Left side, leaning against the Proscenium, sobbing silently. Missy sighs, and lags over to her, tapping her on the shoulder again. The same thing happens, and the director scrambles over to the right. Missy follows, this time shoving the Director around, and showing her the money. Director looks at Missy, to the money, Missy, Money, then hugs Missy excitedly, taking the money, hugging Missy again, and running off stage left. Missy follows)
Scene 4
(Park scene again, bench stage left, with Jack seated, plucking petals off a flower. Missy enters right with Director. Missy walks up to Jack and taps him on the shoulder. Jack looks up. Missy shows him the money. Jack looks at the money, then Missy, money, Missy, money, Missy, money, Missy)
JACK- I don’t get it…
(Missy points to the Director, then herself, then money.)
JACK- Missy, did you lose your voice, why aint you talking?
(Missy and Director sigh, and Missy sits next to Jack)
MISSY- Jack, we’ve got the five hundred pounds to buy back the theatre!
JACK- Missy that’s great! Now Precious will have to like me because we’ll be working together, and you cant hate your co-workers because…. You work with them!
(Both Director and Missy slam their palms unto their foreheads)
MISSY- (Signals to Director to exit.)
DIRECTOR- (Begins to exit, but comes back to Missy, taking the pouch of money, then exits right)
Missy- Jack… I have to tell you something… but… Not now! We have to find Missy and Meaniebottom before it’s too late! (Jumps to Apron, and points skyward. Proudly announcing) TO THE MONKEY MOBILE!
JACK- (Jumps beside her) Missy, you have a buggy?
MISSY- (Shrugs) No, I just always wanted to say that! (Runs off behind curtain)
JACK- (Shrugs and follows)
Scene 5
(Jack and Missy storm into Miss. Flower’s home where Meaniebottom and Precious are, Meaniebottom still kneeling. They jump at the rush of entrance. )
(All shocked)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Missy!
MISSY- Meaniebottom!
PRECIOUS- Jack!
JACK- Precious!
(All confused)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Jack?
PRECIOUS- Missy?
JACK- Meaniebottom?
MISSY- Precious?
(All angry)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Missy!
MISSY- Meaniebottom!
PRECIOUS- Jack!
JACK- Precious! … Wait, I’m not mad at you!
(Missy turns to Meaniebottom, Meaniebottom to Missy, Precious to Jack, and all but Jack shout in unison)
Missy, Meaniebottom, Precious- What are you doing here?
JACK- (Points to Meaniebottom) What am I doing here? I mean- what is HE (points to himself) doing here- I mean-
MEANIEBOTTOM- (to Precious) Your boyfriend is an idiot.
PRECIOUS- Hubert (giggles) proposed to me! (Precious puts her arms around him) And I accepted!
JACK, MISSY and MEANIEBOTTOM- WHAT???
MISSY- Te he, Hubert..
MEANIEBOTTOM- I mean excellent.
MISSY- (Steps forward) Oh yeah? I caused this mess, Meaniebottom,
PRECIOUS- Hubert…
MISSY-… and I can undo it!
MEANIEBOTTOM- And who would believe someone who purposely shut down the Performing Monkeys! (Accusation to Missy)
(All gasp)
MEANIEBPOTTOM- Yes! She told me that the theatre was overdue on it’s taxes, and I dutifully shut it down, but, I have good news! I will pay your debts, and the theatre shall return!
(Cheers)
MISSY- Wait! (Halt pose) Do not trust him, for HE (accusation) is our Villain!
(All gasp)
MISSY- HE, being the tax collector, lied, saying our bill was five times than we owe, he wanted to shut down our theatre, and take Precious for his bride!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Giving in) Alright! I AM the villain!
(More gasps)
MEANIEBOTTOM- But I couldn’t have done it without you, Missy, the one who helped me was you! (Accusation pose) You betrayed your friends, and co-workers, for money!
(Gasps)
MISSY- (Hangs head sadly) Yes… I did…
(Gasps)
JACK- (Unbelieving) Mi-Missy? You… you what?
MISSY- Yes… It’s true Jack… That’s what I wanted to tell you…
(Gasps)
JACK- (Still in disbelief) But why?
MEANIEBOTTOM- She did it for money…
JACK- (Smiles slightly, elbowing Missy lightly) You know… That’s not a bad reason. (Returning to character) But you shouldn’t have done it.
MISSY- (Nods) Yes, but I’m going to make things right Jack. (Steps forward to Precious) Precious, Jack wasn’t proposing to me. Meaniebottom-
PRECIOUS- (Giggles) Hubert
MISSY- tricked you, and used me to help. He wanted to close the theatre and take you as a prize! (Grabs Precious’ hand and leads her to Jack, who nervously tries to get away. * It might be funny if he begins to run off stage and Missy has to fetch him) I told Jack to practice a proposal for you.
(Jack and Precious look at each other lovingly before Jack realizes to get on his knees to propose)
JACK- Missy-I mean Precious- Mother Flowers- Precious! What happened at the park would never happen. I love you too much, and only you. (Whispers to Precious) I’m uh… Kind of afraid of Missy to tell you the truth. But… Precious, you’re the only gal for me… Will you marry me?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Has been watching the entire thing in disbelief. He runs over to them, pushing Precious away) NO!
(Jack rises giving Meaniebottom a blow to the chin, Meaniebottom ducks hitting Jack in the gut. Jack doubles over, but quickly rubs it off. He rises serving a blow to Meaniebottom’s gut, then a punch to the face. Meaniebottom falls over, rising to continually punch Jack in the gut. Jack taps him on the shoulder. Meaniebottom holds up his finger to say “One moment” and continues to punch him. Jack waits a moment before tapping him again. Meaniebottom looks up, and Jack picks him up, moving him towards apron and pushing him away.)
JACK- (Stands triumphantly, for a moment before doubling over in pain.) Owie… (He remembers Precious and runs to her side) Precious! My Love, are you all right?
PRECIOUS- (Dazed) Oh I’m fine, Nemo…
JACK- (Shrugs) That’s good enough for me. (Hugs)
(During this time Meaniebottom has gotten up and starts over to Jack with a hidden dagger that had been in his cape)
MOTHER- (Runs in with gun) I’LL GET YOU BEAR!
JACK- (Trips her)
(Mother falls, and shoots Meaniebottom)
ALL- (Laugh as Meaniebottom takes his time to die)
Jack and Precious- (Share a kiss)
(Meaniebottom still continues to die till curtains close all the way)
Act four
Scene one
(Curtains closed Mother Flowers is sat on her rocking chair stage right, cleaning her gun. She rocks back and forth manically)
MOTHER- I told you I’d get that bear.
(Lights fade on Mother)
Jesters finish last
Or
The Last Laugh
Time setting: Around the late 1800- early 1900’s
Characters
Villain- Sir Meaniebottom/ Our terrible villain, miserly penny pincher seeking to tear down The Performing Monkeys Theatre and ruin Jack to win Precious Flowers. He basically tells the Theatre their taxes on the theatre are overdue, and they owe 500 pounds. (When in actuality, they only owe 100 pounds) Tries to win Precious Flowers by telling her lies about her beloved Jack, making her believe them, then false comforting her so she would run to him when she is thrown into the cold due to the closing of the theatre.
Hero- Jack Goodman/ The hero of our tale, handsome, strong, but an idiot. Madly in love with Precious Flowers, but doesn’t really know how to tell her. He attempts to at the 99th performance of ‘ Mister Miser’ celebration, but fails to. When the news of the theatre’s high overdue taxes, Jack’s plans of asking Precious to marry him are ruined, since he too is thrown into the cold with no money. He makes one last attempt to, by practicing a proposal to Missy, when Precious Flowers sees this; she turns from Jack cold-heartedly.
Heroine- Precious Flowers/ Our Heroine, lovely, innocent, and naïve. Also madly in love with Jack, and is awaiting his proposal. When the theatre is shut down, Precious still awaits Jack’s proposal, that is, until Sir Meaniebottom begins to tell her false stories about Jack cheating on her with Missy. Not ready to believe this, she runs to Jack to find him proposing to Missy, Broken Heartedly she begins to get ready to leave with her Mother.
Hero Sidekick- Missy Kicks/ Missy is basically a tomboy, being a ploy between villain and hero
Mother/ Old widow whose losing her mind and hearing
The extra participants of the theatre
Act One
PROLOGUE
(Curtain opens to the extra Performing Monkeys actors, all-standing as if a scene had just ended. They stay perfectly still. A few moments later Jack Goodman enters, with his beloved Precious flowers arm in arm from right. They cross to the center stage)
JACK- I’m Jack Goodman, actor extraordinaire! And also the hero of this, our Theatre’s beloved tale!
PRECIOUS- I’m Precious Flowers, so sweet and innocent! I’ll love our Hero because he’s so magnificent!
(Enter Sir Meaniebottom from left, and crosses to center)
MEANIEBOTTOM- I’m Sir Meaniebottom, greedy and rich! But I’ll tear down the Performing Monkeys, no matter what the price!
(Enter Missy and Mother from opposite sides)
MISSY- I’m Missy Kicks, and I’ll help save the day! (Aside) It only depends which side I’m truly on!
MOTHER- (Confused) Did you say ‘ Eat some hay’? Why in Heavens would you do that?
ALL- (Sighs) And this is Mother Flowers. Welcome to our theatre! We hope you enjoy our show!
(Curtain close)
Scene 1
(Curtain opens and enters Sir Meaniebottom from left. He crosses to the center to speak to the crowd)
MEANIEBOTTOM- So that theatre, The Performing Monkeys, they think they can make a fool of me? Bah! I’ve heard of the theatre’s nightly performances of ‘ Mister Miser’ the story of an evil penny pincher, and they think me ignorant enough to not notice it’s about me? Their mocking me, yes I know it! And I’ll make that theatre pay! Oh, how they will pay! (Takes out a regular sized scroll and reads
Performing Monkeys Bill: One Hundred pounds… (Evil chuckle. Meaniebottom takes a longer scroll and attaches it to normal sized scroll) Now they owe five hundred pounds! If the theater can’t pay their rent they’ll be kicked out before their 100th performance of ‘ Mister Miser’ and the fifth year anniversary! And then, when Precious’ Flowers Love, Jack Goodman can’t afford to marry her, she’ll have to turn to me, or have her mother die when winter comes! Ha ha ha! Good Bye, Performing Monkeys! (Exits right. Curtains close)Scene 2
(Curtains open up to the stage, set up for Mister Miser. There is a desk center, with a typewriter on it, with an old man wearing a black top hat and cape sitting, looking over a long scroll. He softly chuckles to himself. Left Precious is tied up in a chair, gagged, and right is a door.)
MISER- eh heh heh heh, my dear miss Prudence. (He walks over to her) You now see my plan?
PRECIOUS- (Muffled cry)
MISER- Oh? Do you really think I can be caught now? Pah! Your “hero” wont be here to save you now!
PRECIOUS- (Another muffled cry)
MISER- Heh heh heh, that’s what they all say!
(Jack storms in right, striking his Hero pose.)
JACK- (Sounding VERY rehearsed) Not so fast, Mister Miser!
MISER- Gasp! It’s Goodbottom here to stop me! (aside) though not likely!
JACK- Yes… (Long pause) uhh… (He whispers off to wings) line? (Pause) Oh! I will stop you! (Hero pose. Lunges at Miser, socking him in the jaw. He falls motionless. Jack does another hero pose and unties Precious)
PRECIOUS- My hero! (Hugs him)
(Curtains fall. Sound of Applause)
Scene 3
(Curtains stay close for about a minute while the sound of a party fills the theatre. Curtain opens to Mother DL. The extra actors mingling.)
(Enter Missy left)
MISSY- Mother Flowers, have you seen Jack?
MOTHER- No Dearie I haven’t. I believe he went to walk with my daughter for a moment.
MISSY- Do you think he’ll ask her now?
MOTHER- Ask what?
MISSY- To join him in Marriage.
MOTHER- (A bit confused) I don’t think my daughter can help him buy a carriage…
MISSY- No mama! (Saying it a bit louder) Do you think he’ll ask her to marry him?
MOTHER- (Still confused) Bury him? (Shocked) Oh gracious! Is he dead? (Begins to sob loudly, taking a kerchief from her dress) And he was such a nice boy! (Sob sob) I was hoping he’d ask Precious to marry him! (Sob sob sob)
MISSY- (Sighs loudly)
(Enter Precious and Jack, arm in arm from right)
MOTHER- (Getting up and hugging Jack) Oh you aren’t dead!
JACK- (Confused) I’m… um… not?
MISSY- (A bit harsh) Mother Flowers has misplaced her brain again. (Eye roll)
JACK- Ah…
MISSY- Jack, Precious! Where have you been, you’ve hardly been here to celebrate our 99th showing of ‘ Mister Miser’!
JACK- Aw, I’m sorry Missy! Ms. Flowers and I were just taking a stroll around our lovely theatre. It is a lovely night!
PRECIOUS- Tis!
(The two sigh lovingly together)
MOTHER- You say you saw a troll like creature?
JACK- (Louder) WE TOOK A STROLL AROUND THE THEATRE!
MOTHER- Ohhhhhh…
MISSY- (Pulling Jack away from Mother and Precious) Did you ask her, Jack?
JACK- Aw no! I wanted to, but shucks, Missy! I couldn’t. I may be handsome, strong, smart,
(Missy coughs)
JACK- But I’m not brave enough to ask her… What if she said no?
MISSY- Now why would she say no?
JACK- Because…(Long pause) Well… I don’t know really, but she would!
MISSY- Why don’t you ask her after the 100th showing of ‘ Mister Miser’ in two weeks?
(Jack thinks)
JACK- I don’t want to wait that long!
MISSY- Then ask her now!
JACK- No!
MISSY- Why?
JACK- I’m scared!
MISSY- Then wait two weeks!
JACK- I don’t want to wait that long!
MISSY- Ugh!
JACK- I know! (Whispers and the two lean in together) I’ll ask her at the 100th showing of ‘ Mister Miser’!
MISSY- (Throws her arms into the air and walks over to Mother and Precious)
(Jack exits right)
(The three girls make it seem as if they are talking)
(Enters Sir Meaniebottom UL)
PRECIOUS- (Walks up to greet him) Hello Sir Meaniebottom
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Smiling) Hello my dear, Ms. Flowers…
PRECIOUS- (Backs up a foot) Come to join in the happiness, Sir?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Takes a moment to look her over, pleasantly.) Yes, I am in fact. (Aside) For it is my happiness to see their horror! Besides, why crush their fun now? I’ll let them enjoy their theatre for another day or so. It is more fun watching it crumble before their eyes! Ha ha ha!
PRECIOUS- Good! I’m happy to see you aren’t upset with us, Sir.
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Feigning innocent) Unhappy? What ever are you talking about?
PRECIOUS- About us joking about you, Sir! ‘ Mister Miser’-
MEANIEBOTTOM- Ah, yes, that. (Aside) She has no idea! (Returns) Why, the thought never even came across my mind, Ms. Flowers! (Taking a step towards her) I could never be upset (another step) with such a beautiful rose…
PRECIOUS- (A little uncomfortable, she takes a step back) I’m glad to see you are not, Sir. I was afraid you would be.
(Missy stepping in)
MISSY- Aw, why would he be mad at us? He knows we’re just teasing! (Takes his head under her arms and gives him a nuggie) C’mon, you old penny pincher!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Breaks free and adjusts his suit, ready to sock Missy, but stops himself, returning to character) Ha, ha… yes… quite….
(Enter Jack from right. He stops seeing Meaniebottom jumping back)
JACK- What is this creature doing here, Ms. Flowers?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Interrupting) Jack! Come now, this is no time for trouble. (Aside) Not yet!
JACK- (Relaxes, remains a bit suspicious) Riiiiiighhhhhht….
(Enter Director from RC)
DIRECTOR- (Clapping her hands to gather attention) People! People! (Crosses to DL)
(All gather around)
DIRECTOR- (Sighing happily and clapping her hands casually) Well, this has been the 99th showing of ‘Mister Miser’ and let me say; it seriously has been the best!
(All sigh happily)
DIRECTOR- Now, next week is our last showing. I know guys think that because it is the last, you can goof off, but that is false! This must be our absolute best showing!
(Cheers)
DIRECTOR- And, not only will this be the 100th showing, but it is the fifth anniversary of The Performing Monkeys Theatre!
(More cheers)
(Precious exits)
DIRECTOR- So, let’s go out there in two weeks, and give them the best damn show, this side of Gladville!
(Enter Precious with a tray of wine glasses. She passes them out to everyone. When she gets to Sir Meaniebottom she hands him the drink. He grabs her wrist gently and kisses it. The takes the glass. Jack growls. Mother downs her drink immediately. When she reaches the bottom she is slightly disappointed. She turns it upside down over her tongue shaking the last little drops)
DIRECTOR- A toast! (The all raise their glasses) To us!
JACK- To the audience!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Aside) To their failure!
(They toast. Mother grabs Missy’s glass before Missy has a chance to taste it. Curtain closes)
Scene 4
(The next day at Sir Meaniebottom’s hideaway. Curtain opens to our Villain, pacing eagerly across the floor. There is a knock)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Enter!
(Enters Missy left)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Where have you been?
MISSY- (Crosses to couch DL) I was out, doing YOUR dirty work. (Sits down and lies out on couch.)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Crosses to Missy, anxious) Well?
MISSY- Well what?
MIANIEBOTTOM- Are they suspicious?
MISSY- (Laughs) Ha! That idiot Jack, and his naïve lover, Precious? Never suspect a thing!
MEANIEBOTTOM- And you’re supposed to keep it that way!
MISSY- Trust me, those two will never figure out anything.
MEANIEBOTTOM- (adjusting himself) So… has that no good Jack asked Precious to marry him?
MISSY- no… I told him to wait till after the show
MEANIEBOTTOM- perfect… (Thinks) hmmmm…
MISSY- (rising suspiciously) I know that face, Meaniebottom! What are you planning?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Starts to tell Missy, buts stops, and rushes to each exit, looking, and listening. Finally he returns t Missy, whispering) What would you say if I could get Precious to marry me?
MISSY- I’d say you’re mad!
MEANIEBOTTOM- On the contrary, Missy. If I can convince Precious that her beloved Jack is in love with another woman, and once they are all turned away from the theatre with no money, Precious will have no one to protect her old mother, and then, then I’ll ask her to marry me!
MISSY- She’ll never love you. It will never work!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Who said she’d have to love me? (Aside) Well not EVERY day!
MISSY- (Sighs) Fine… what do you wish me to do?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Once I shut down that theatre, convince Jack to practice proposal on you. Tell him he should ask her now, before she decides to move away. Then, I’ll come in with Precious, who will see him propose to you, after I’ve told it was true. Then, Precious will be mine! All mine! Ha ha ha!
MISSY- I will see that is works, Sir…
MEANIEBOTTOM- Good… Now go! I’ll be to that theatre shortly with the terrible news!
(Missy exits)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Muhahahahaha…
(Curtain closes)
Scene 5
(Later that day at the theatre. Curtain opens to the actors practicing a part of the play. Precious and Jack.)
JACK- (Playing as Sir Meaniebottom) You must pay the rent!
PRECIOUS- I can't pay the rent!
JACK- You must pay the rent!
PRECIOUS- I can’t pay the rent!
JACK- You MUST!
PRECIOUS- I CAN’T!
JACK- Then I must throw you out!
PRECIOUS- You can’t throw me out!
JACK- I can!
PRECIOUS- You can’t!
JACK- I will!
PRECIOUS- No!
JACK- Yes! Ha ha ha!
(Enter Missy from left)
DIRECTOR- Missy! Where have you been?
MISSY- Sorry, I had previous arrangements.
DIRECTOR- Alright, but, next time warn us?
MISSY- Yes… sorry.
(Enter Sir Meaniebottom, looking sad)
DIRECTOR- (A bit shocked) Sir Meaniebottom! What brings you here? And with such a long face?
MEANIEBOTTOM- A heavy heart I’m afraid...
(All gather)
PRECIOUS- What is it?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Taking a long scroll from his cape) It seems this theatre owes 500 pounds in overdue taxes… I’m afraid I must collect it.
(Loud gasps)
JACK- We don’t have that much money!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Aside) Well no duh! (Returns) Oh, my! That means… I must shut down this theatre!
(Louder gasps)
JACK- (Sadly) We can’t pay the rent…
MEANIEBOTTOM- You MUST pay the rent- I mean oh. (Bows head)
(All but Missy bow their heads in sadness)
End Act One
Act two
Scene 1
(Curtain opens to Mother Flowers in her rocking chair, knitting DL. Next to her is a couch. She brings it up to adjust it, showing to the crowd it is a mangled knitting work. She continues knitting as Precious enters DR, in tears. Mother rises and walks over to her, with slight difficulty)
MOTHER- Daughter, daughter!
PRECIOUS- Mother, mother!
MOTHER- Daughter, what ever has happened?
(Precious rushes into her mother’s arms sobbing loudly, making a few mumbles. Mother nods, then jumps a bit shocked)
MOTHER- What? They hunt rabid deer?!
DAUGHTER- (Pulling away, she sucks up her sobs) No Mama! They shut down the Theatre!
MOTHER- Oh my! That’s much worse!
DAUGHTER- (Returns to her mothers arms) Oh mama! What are we going to do? Now that the Theatre is shut down, we will have no money.
MOTHER- (Continues to rock her back and forth) Shhhh… Don’t worry my baby. We’ll make it somehow.
PRECIOUS- (Still sobbing) But how Mama! How?
MOTHER- (She lifts Precious’ chin to see her) No Precious… do you remember when your father?
PRECIOUS- (Shakes head) No mama…
MOTHER- Well I do. (Pause for Mama to remember) I remember… we were never rich. For a long time, we had to dress you in sheets.
PRECIOUS- (Looks at Mama a bit confused)
MOTHER- But we always found a way. Your father would never let us down. Even when he died, he left us his Life Savings, so we could pay for his funeral, and move on. And just because now times seem hard, and they probably will be, we will survive.
PRECIOUS- (Remembering) Ohhh, you mean the boyfriend you slept with who ran away with all our money?
MOTHER- (Sobbing slightly) I know baby… I miss him to… (She strains to finish her sentence) BUT HE’S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW! (Sobs overwhelm her)
PRECIOUS- (Rolls her eyes) I do too mama…
(Knock)
MOTHER- (Sobs stop) Was that a knock?
DAUGHTER- Enter!
(Enters Jack from right, head bowed sadly)
JACK- Hello Ms. Flowers… Precious…
(Precious dashes over to Jack’s arms, hugging him tightly)
PRECIOUS- There, there Jack!
MOTHER- Bear? Where?! I’ll get my gun! (Exits left)
(Both sigh)
PRECIOUS- Oh Jack! I can’t believe it… I just can’t
JACK- We have to Precious…. Our theatre is… what’s the word?
PRECIOUS- What word?
JACK- The word…. No more! That’s it!
(Pause)
PRECIOUS- Jack… That’s two words…
JACK-… Oh….
(Both cry loudly)
(Enter Mother with gun)
MOTHER- Now where is that bear? (Exits right. From wing
I’LL GET YOU BEAR!!!!(Jack and Precious cross to couch, holding hands. They sit down, Precious leaning her head on Jack’s shoulder)
PRECIOUS- It’s true… It’s nearly impossible to believe… but it’s true. The Performing Monkeys is no more…
JACK- Aw Precious! Try to look on the bright side!
PRECIOUS- What bright side is there, Jack?
JACK-…. Actually… There isn’t any but…
PRECIOUS- (Begins to cry)
JACK- Oh! Please don’t cry!
PRECIOUS- But why Jack? Why shouldn’t I cry? We’ve lost our theatre! Our jobs! Soon, we’ll have to all move away from each other, go and make a living elsewhere… Jack… Things will never be the same!
JACK- … Hmm… You’re right… (He sniffs, trying to remain manly.)
(They both cry together)
(Curtain closes)
Scene 2
(Curtain opens up to Meaniebottom’s lair again. Meaniebottom is pacing across the floor. There is a knock)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Enter!
(Enter Missy left)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Where have you been?
MISSY- Is that all you ask when I come in? Why not ‘hello. How are you?’ or ‘ Greetings!’?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Because then I’d be Sir Caringbottom! Duh!
MISSY- (Sarcastically) Heaven forbid… Anyways, what do you want?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Do you know the whereabouts of Precious?
MISSY- I believe Jack went to visit her at home.
MEANIEBOTTOM- I need you to pull Jack away so I may speak to Precious… alone.
MISSY- And what would you have me do?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Take him to the park, and ask him what are his plans with Precious. Then, get him to practice propose on you. During that time, I’ll be telling Precious all about her love, Jack, and then, take her to the park and then she will see Jack propose to you, and then I’ll be her hero! Ha ha ha!
MISSY- (Aside) and then… and then… (Return) Yes sir… You can count on me.
MEANIEBOTTOM- Good, now get out! I’ve got to look smashing for Precious!
(Exit Missy left)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Rubbing his hands together mischievously) Muhahahahaha….
(Close curtain)
Scene 3
(Curtain opens up to Precious’ home again, with Jack and Precious on the couch. Precious is leaning her head on Jack’s shoulder, sobbing slightly every now and again. Suddenly there is a knock.)
JACK- (out of character, he spreads his legs to the next cushion over Precious’ legs) Entrée-!
PRECIOUS- (Looks at Jack)
JACK- (Back in character) I mean- (looking around) was that a knock?
(Enter Missy CR)
JACK- (Less then full heartedly) Hello Missy…
MISSY- Jack, I must speak with you right away!
(Jack gently sits up)
JACK- Missy can it wait? I’m trying to sulk here with Precious…
MISSY- Jack, it’s important.
JACK- How important?
MISSY- VERY important.
JACK- How VERY important?
MISSY- Like-when-you-found-out-your-imaginary-friend-bobo-wasn’t-real important
JACK- (Teary eyed) Bobo…
(Jack looks to precious, who nods in agreement for him to go. Jack goes to her and hugs her before turning back to Missy.)
JACK- Okay, let’s go…
(Exit Missy and Jack)
(For a moment, Precious sits there thinking.)
(Knock)
PRECIOUS- Come in!
(Enter Meaniebottom right)
PRECIOUS- (Surprised, she stands up) Sir! What brings you to my home?
MEANIEBOTTOM- I’ve come to protect you, Ms. Flowers!
PRECIOUS- Protect me sir? From what?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Looking around the house with disgust) the nasty bright pink color-that’s just tacky-I mean from the love you call Jack Goodman!
PRECIOUS- Jack? Oh, Sir. I think you are mistaken.
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Approaching Precious) How I wish I were, Ms. Flowers. I thought I should tell you now, before you saw it for yourself… Jack doesn’t love you.
PRECIOUS- What? (Laughing) Oh Sir, I KNOW you are mistaken! Jack loves me!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Oh no, Ms. Flowers, it is you who is mistaken. I have just now seen Jack myself, fondling Ms. Kicks.
PRECIOUS- Missy? No, no, they are just friends.
MEANIEBOTTOM- Fine, don’t listen to me… I just wanted to save you from some deep heartache. (He turns his back to leave.)
(Precious stands thinking then runs after Meaniebottom)
PRECIOUS- Wait sir!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Stops, he smiles wickedly to the aud
PRECIOUS- You swear you’re telling me the honest truth?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Taking Precious’ hand and kissing it gently) By the moon, my sweet… I can prove it. I heard they were going to the park. You can come see for yourself.
PRECIOUS- Okay, but only to prove that Jack loves me, and not Missy and this is all a misunderstanding!
(Meaniebottom offers his arm to Precious, and she accepts it. The two exit right)
(Curtain falls)
Scene 4
(Curtain stays closed, and light shows onto the front apron on a park bench L. Missy and Jack enter from R and walk over to the Park bench. Missy takes a seat while Jack paces slowly back and forth)
MISSY- Jack, what’s got you so upset?
JACK- (Stops pacing, letting out a long sigh and taking a seat next to Missy) Well, now that the theatre is no more, I cant propose to Precious. I have no money to support her, or give her a nice wedding…
MISSY- (Putting a hand on his shoulder) Jack, Precious loves you more than your wallet. You know that.
JACK- Yeah, I did…. But now… I don’t know. I’ve never been so torn.
MISSY- Torn Jack?
JACK- Between asking her to marry a penniless broken man, or to leave her, knowing she will find someone with lot’s of money, money to buy her a house for her mother, dresses, jewels, the finest of fine…
MISSY- (Sympathetically) Jack, you love Precious, and she loves you. She wont care if you cant afford a carriage, or a nice marriage. Just as long as you two can be together…
JACK- Do you really think so Missy?
MISSY- Yes, now here. (Pushes Jack off bench) Practice a proposal on me.
JACK- (confused) Missy don’t you think this is kind of sudden?
MISSY- Not a real proposal you dope! I know you’re having some trouble with proposing, so practice what you’re going to say to her on me.
JACK- I dunno Missy…
MISSY- Do it now! Before it’s too late!
JACK- Okay! (Getting up) Sheesh Missy. You sure are bossy!
MISSY- (Rolls her eyes) Go!
(Jack gets down on his left knee, and then realizing he’s backwards, adjusts himself to the right leg.)
JACK- Missy- I mean, Precious! You mean the world to me… And I know I’m a penniless broken man-
(Enter Meaniebottom and Precious arm in arm. Precious jumps back as she see Jack on one knee, proposing to Missy.)
PRECIOUS- (Strikes listening pose.)
JACK- And well… I just wanted to ask… Will you spend the rest of your life with me? I mean, what I’m trying to say is, will you marry me?
(Precious lunges forward attacking Jack. Jack startled let’s out a scream. *Preferred if it’s high pitched)
PRECIOUS- You backstabbing-! I can’t believe you-you- you traitor!
JACK- Precious! It’s not what you think!
(Precious gets off Jack)
PRECIOUS- Not what I think? Oh Jack, just a few moments ago, I heard a story I would scarce believe! But now, I see it is all true! How could you, Jack Goodman! And with that- (Accusation pose to Missy)
MISSY- Hey!
PRECIOUS- And after I defended you Jac- Mr. Goodman!
JACK- Precious, please listen-
PRECIOUS- Now my innocent eyes are open to the deceitful world of men. (Looking to Meaniebottom) Thank you Sir Meaniebottom, I’m sorry I did not believe you… Now if you don’t mind, I’m going home to cry! (Running, exits right.)
(Jack stands, reflecting. He slowly strikes the horror pose, falling to his knees in tears. He walks over to the bench and lies down on it, sobbing. Missy looks down sympathetically at him. She leans over him patting him on the back. She glares to Meaniebottom. Lights fade slowly on Missy, Meaniebottom and Jack…)
End act two
Act three
Scene one
(Curtains open up to Meaniebottom’s hideaway, this time Missy is there, laying on the couch, twirling her hair. She seems focused on something, and is distracted even when Meaniebottom enters.)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Noticing Missy is in the room, he walks over to her) Ah, hello Missy! How are you today?
MISSY- (Startled, she comes back to reality, looking at Meaniebottom) Mm… can’t complain.
(Meaniebottom takes from his coat a small sack and throws it in Missy’s lap)
MISSY- What’s this?
MEANIEBOTTOM- Your pay… 500 pounds.
(Missy rises and faces Meaniebottom. She throws the sack at him angrily)
MISSY- I don’t need your money!
MEANIEBOTTOM- temper temper!
MISSY- Back off!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Missy, what’s got you so rung out? That’s 500 pounds you’re ignoring!
MISSY- It’s not worth my crimes.
(Meaniebottom nods)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Ohhh… Having some regrets?
MISSY- I have no regrets, Sir Meaniebottom!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Then take the money and go…
(As Meaniebottom exits, Missy stands, a look of anger passing her face, as another look of meditation crosses, and lights fade)
(Curtain close)
Scene 2
(Curtain opens to Precious and Mother Flowers. Boxes are scattered across the stage, Precious is packing things into them. Mother Flowers just rocks in her chair, sleeping, and snoring loudly. Precious looks to her mother and smiles slightly. She picks up a stuffed animal looking at it, and smiling sadly)
PRECIOUS- I remember when Jack gave this to me… It was last year on my Birthday. I made dinner and he choked on a chicken bone… Luckily Missy knew what to do, he spit the bone out, and it hit me in my head, knocking me out. He bought this for me when I was unconscious in bed… (She looks at it for a little while long. Suddenly she throws it over her shoulder shrugging.) Oh well.
(Precious storms over to her mother)
PRECIOUS- Ugh! Can you believe Jack and Missy?
MOTHER- (Snoring loudly)
PRECIOUS- I mean, I know I’m not the best bride, but… Missy? I just can’t believe this!
MOTHER- Snooooooooooreeeeeeee…
(Knock)
PRECIOUS- Enter if you aren’t Jack or that hussy Missy!
(Meaniebottom enters right)
PRECIOUS- (Double takes, realizing it’s Meaniebottom) Sir Meaniebottom!
MEANIEBOTTOM- Please call me Hubert…
PRECIOUS- (Aside) Te he he… Hubert… What a dorky name… (This is a perfect time for someone in the audience to get up, and leave the theatre crying loudly) (Precious returns and in the exact tone as Meaniebott
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Pleased) Precious… I just came to make sure you were alright, and… (Looking around) What’s with the boxes?
(Precious crosses to collapse on couch)
PRECIOUS- We’re moving. I can’t stand to be in the same town as Jack!
MOTHER- (Suddenly rises, exiting to left stage) BEAR!
(Watch confused. They return to the conversation as if it never happened.)
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Taking a seat next to Precious, placing his hand on her’s, and speaking sympathetically) Yes, I know… you must be hurt… I’m sorry, I tried telling you-
PRECIOUS- And I’m sorry for not listening. I just didn’t want to believe…
MEANIEBOTTOM- I understand… Precious, I wanted to ask you something.
PRECIOUS- Yes (giggles) Hubert
MEANIEBOTTOM- I know that, now is probably not a good time to ask, and maybe it’s too soon, but… (Kneels) Will you marry me?
(Curtain closes)
Scene 3
(Curtain stays closed, as it is the park again, and the bench is seated right, along with the silent sobbing Director. Enter Missy left, she dashes up to the Director, and taps her on the shoulder. Director looks up. Missy attempts to show her the money, but Director gets up, scrambles over to the Left side, leaning against the Proscenium, sobbing silently. Missy sighs, and lags over to her, tapping her on the shoulder again. The same thing happens, and the director scrambles over to the right. Missy follows, this time shoving the Director around, and showing her the money. Director looks at Missy, to the money, Missy, Money, then hugs Missy excitedly, taking the money, hugging Missy again, and running off stage left. Missy follows)
Scene 4
(Park scene again, bench stage left, with Jack seated, plucking petals off a flower. Missy enters right with Director. Missy walks up to Jack and taps him on the shoulder. Jack looks up. Missy shows him the money. Jack looks at the money, then Missy, money, Missy, money, Missy, money, Missy)
JACK- I don’t get it…
(Missy points to the Director, then herself, then money.)
JACK- Missy, did you lose your voice, why aint you talking?
(Missy and Director sigh, and Missy sits next to Jack)
MISSY- Jack, we’ve got the five hundred pounds to buy back the theatre!
JACK- Missy that’s great! Now Precious will have to like me because we’ll be working together, and you cant hate your co-workers because…. You work with them!
(Both Director and Missy slam their palms unto their foreheads)
MISSY- (Signals to Director to exit.)
DIRECTOR- (Begins to exit, but comes back to Missy, taking the pouch of money, then exits right)
Missy- Jack… I have to tell you something… but… Not now! We have to find Missy and Meaniebottom before it’s too late! (Jumps to Apron, and points skyward. Proudly announcing) TO THE MONKEY MOBILE!
JACK- (Jumps beside her) Missy, you have a buggy?
MISSY- (Shrugs) No, I just always wanted to say that! (Runs off behind curtain)
JACK- (Shrugs and follows)
Scene 5
(Jack and Missy storm into Miss. Flower’s home where Meaniebottom and Precious are, Meaniebottom still kneeling. They jump at the rush of entrance. )
(All shocked)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Missy!
MISSY- Meaniebottom!
PRECIOUS- Jack!
JACK- Precious!
(All confused)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Jack?
PRECIOUS- Missy?
JACK- Meaniebottom?
MISSY- Precious?
(All angry)
MEANIEBOTTOM- Missy!
MISSY- Meaniebottom!
PRECIOUS- Jack!
JACK- Precious! … Wait, I’m not mad at you!
(Missy turns to Meaniebottom, Meaniebottom to Missy, Precious to Jack, and all but Jack shout in unison)
Missy, Meaniebottom, Precious- What are you doing here?
JACK- (Points to Meaniebottom) What am I doing here? I mean- what is HE (points to himself) doing here- I mean-
MEANIEBOTTOM- (to Precious) Your boyfriend is an idiot.
PRECIOUS- Hubert (giggles) proposed to me! (Precious puts her arms around him) And I accepted!
JACK, MISSY and MEANIEBOTTOM- WHAT???
MISSY- Te he, Hubert..
MEANIEBOTTOM- I mean excellent.
MISSY- (Steps forward) Oh yeah? I caused this mess, Meaniebottom,
PRECIOUS- Hubert…
MISSY-… and I can undo it!
MEANIEBOTTOM- And who would believe someone who purposely shut down the Performing Monkeys! (Accusation to Missy)
(All gasp)
MEANIEBPOTTOM- Yes! She told me that the theatre was overdue on it’s taxes, and I dutifully shut it down, but, I have good news! I will pay your debts, and the theatre shall return!
(Cheers)
MISSY- Wait! (Halt pose) Do not trust him, for HE (accusation) is our Villain!
(All gasp)
MISSY- HE, being the tax collector, lied, saying our bill was five times than we owe, he wanted to shut down our theatre, and take Precious for his bride!
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Giving in) Alright! I AM the villain!
(More gasps)
MEANIEBOTTOM- But I couldn’t have done it without you, Missy, the one who helped me was you! (Accusation pose) You betrayed your friends, and co-workers, for money!
(Gasps)
MISSY- (Hangs head sadly) Yes… I did…
(Gasps)
JACK- (Unbelieving) Mi-Missy? You… you what?
MISSY- Yes… It’s true Jack… That’s what I wanted to tell you…
(Gasps)
JACK- (Still in disbelief) But why?
MEANIEBOTTOM- She did it for money…
JACK- (Smiles slightly, elbowing Missy lightly) You know… That’s not a bad reason. (Returning to character) But you shouldn’t have done it.
MISSY- (Nods) Yes, but I’m going to make things right Jack. (Steps forward to Precious) Precious, Jack wasn’t proposing to me. Meaniebottom-
PRECIOUS- (Giggles) Hubert
MISSY- tricked you, and used me to help. He wanted to close the theatre and take you as a prize! (Grabs Precious’ hand and leads her to Jack, who nervously tries to get away. * It might be funny if he begins to run off stage and Missy has to fetch him) I told Jack to practice a proposal for you.
(Jack and Precious look at each other lovingly before Jack realizes to get on his knees to propose)
JACK- Missy-I mean Precious- Mother Flowers- Precious! What happened at the park would never happen. I love you too much, and only you. (Whispers to Precious) I’m uh… Kind of afraid of Missy to tell you the truth. But… Precious, you’re the only gal for me… Will you marry me?
MEANIEBOTTOM- (Has been watching the entire thing in disbelief. He runs over to them, pushing Precious away) NO!
(Jack rises giving Meaniebottom a blow to the chin, Meaniebottom ducks hitting Jack in the gut. Jack doubles over, but quickly rubs it off. He rises serving a blow to Meaniebottom’s gut, then a punch to the face. Meaniebottom falls over, rising to continually punch Jack in the gut. Jack taps him on the shoulder. Meaniebottom holds up his finger to say “One moment” and continues to punch him. Jack waits a moment before tapping him again. Meaniebottom looks up, and Jack picks him up, moving him towards apron and pushing him away.)
JACK- (Stands triumphantly, for a moment before doubling over in pain.) Owie… (He remembers Precious and runs to her side) Precious! My Love, are you all right?
PRECIOUS- (Dazed) Oh I’m fine, Nemo…
JACK- (Shrugs) That’s good enough for me. (Hugs)
(During this time Meaniebottom has gotten up and starts over to Jack with a hidden dagger that had been in his cape)
MOTHER- (Runs in with gun) I’LL GET YOU BEAR!
JACK- (Trips her)
(Mother falls, and shoots Meaniebottom)
ALL- (Laugh as Meaniebottom takes his time to die)
Jack and Precious- (Share a kiss)
(Meaniebottom still continues to die till curtains close all the way)
Act four
Scene one
(Curtains closed Mother Flowers is sat on her rocking chair stage right, cleaning her gun. She rocks back and forth manically)
MOTHER- I told you I’d get that bear.
(Lights fade on Mother)