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Is This the Correct Grammar? (1 Viewer)

TheMightyAz

Mentor
I can't decide whether this is the correct use or not. I think it is. Sometimes it looks correct and other times it doesn't. I'll highlight which part I mean. I'll likely lose that section in the rewrite but regardless, I'd like to know:

In the deepest basin of the namesake Eastfield Hollow, he set about the task at hand. Beyond grassland rose slowly and then steeply to meet the grey and white foot of the mountains. Only one of five giants, it grew beyond scale, its head in the clouds, bearing down on this tiny individual tapping at its world.
 

Ralph Rotten

Staff member
Mentor
I can't decide whether this is the correct use or not. I think it is. Sometimes it looks correct and other times it doesn't. I'll highlight which part I mean. I'll likely lose that section in the rewrite but regardless, I'd like to know:

In the deepest basin of the namesake Eastfield Hollow, he set about the task at hand. Beyond grassland rose slowly and then steeply to meet the grey and white foot of the mountains. Only one of five giants, it grew beyond scale, its head in the clouds, bearing down on this tiny individual tapping at its world.

Just cut that thing into two sentences and do them both properly. You are just trying to do too much in that first sentence.
THAT is a darling.
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
Just cut that thing into two sentences and do them both properly. You are just trying to do too much in that first sentence.
THAT is a darling.

Yes, I'm going to edit that to 'In the deepest basin of Easfield Hollow, he set about the task at hand'. Having said that, I just wondered if I'd used the 'namesake' in the correct grammatical way.

Or should it be 'of its namesake Eastfield Hollow'?
 
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Phil Istine

WF Veterans
Its namesake looks more likely to be correct than the namesake, but using that construction appears unwieldy.
It looks like you need a comma after beyond.

It's hard to tell without context, but the passage appears to be overkill.
 

Matchu

Senior Member
If you wrote ‘down at Eastfield hollow’ my inner eye has a chance to imagine a hollow. While here the continuance of such an exactitude actually stifles visualisation, the ‘rising slowly and then steeply’ clause, for example. In an effort to see more, we see less. If you are indeed embarked on an era of ‘craft/draft/graft I would offer the age old guidance to write clean.

it is a tightrope, I understand. Ach, I gone bold, I’m text tapping today, soz for bold.
 
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Bloggsworth

WF Veterans
It's wrong on so many levels - Are there two hollows with the same name and this particulare one named after the other, or vice versa? The word is redundant, unless, the area is called Eastfield Hollow and this is the actual hollow bit, in which case, it might be the eponymous Eastfield Hollow...
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
It's wrong on so many levels - Are there two hollows with the same name and this particulare one named after the other, or vice versa? The word is redundant, unless, the area is called Eastfield Hollow and this is the actual hollow bit, in which case, it might be the eponymous Eastfield Hollow...

The question isn't about the sentence construction, it's about the use of 'namesake'. I googled it and it's more commonly used with 'its' so I'm good.
 

Ralph Rotten

Staff member
Mentor
namesake is a darling.
It sounded right when you first started out...but now it's just an appendix.
Kill that darling.
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
namesake is a darling.
It sounded right when you first started out...but now it's just an appendix.
Kill that darling.

'Namesake' isn't a darling. The objective of the question was to simply find the correct use of it. I didn't even use it in the finished version anyway.

I can't decide whether this is the correct use or not. I think it is. Sometimes it looks correct and other times it doesn't. I'll highlight which part I mean. I'll likely lose that section in the rewrite but regardless, I'd like to know:
 

Irwin

Senior Member
I can't decide whether this is the correct use or not. I think it is. Sometimes it looks correct and other times it doesn't. I'll highlight which part I mean. I'll likely lose that section in the rewrite but regardless, I'd like to know:

In the deepest basin of the namesake Eastfield Hollow, he set about the task at hand. Beyond grassland rose slowly and then steeply to meet the grey and white foot of the mountains. Only one of five giants, it grew beyond scale, its head in the clouds, bearing down on this tiny individual tapping at its world.

I think his namesake would make more sense.

In the deepest basin of his namesake, Eastfield Hollow...
 
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