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Is there a way I can make this scenario less confusing to the reader? (1 Viewer)


Senior Member
For my story, it's set in a modern day American city, and the police are doing undecover surveillance on a suspect's house. The main character who is also a cop breaks into the suspects house, but the surveillance car, cannot see this happen from their point of view, since they are watching from the front. The main character is wanting to find out more about what's really going on so he breaks in find some answers.

However, the reader thinks that the surveilling police are aware of the MC breaking in, and think that they are in on it with him and looking the other way. But that is not the case, and they do not know anything about it. But is there a way to make it more clear to the reader? I mean if I write that the surveillance cops do not know anything about it, does it feel like I am spoonfeeding if I word it that way? Thanks for any advice on it! I really appreciate it!


Senior Member
You can have the MC having some thoughts that make it clear he's doing this in secret. He could reflect on the trouble he could get in, on why he thinks it's important he break the rules, etc.

If you are following the perspective of the surveilling cops, they could be talking about the MC as if he was somewhere else (if they have reason to be aware of it), or they could make assumptions about the empty house in their dialogue (perhaps they're considering a nap or something because it's been a long shift watching an empty house for no reason)

I don't know your details, so I'm just throwing stuff out there. The point is, try using dialogue or thought with the POV character to give the clarity you need.

K.S. Crooks

Senior Member
Some options- show the surveilling cops being distracted or bored with their duty. Show the cops paying attention and seeing nothing. Show the MC being careful not to be in the line of sight of the cops.


Senior Member
Okay thanks for the ideas. I thought it's probably best not to show the MC break in because then later the audience will be surprised when they see that he is already inside. Unless I should show him break in and the cops do not catch it, just to make it clear.

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