Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

Inspired at a Diner (1 Viewer)

Nate Gallon

Senior Member
Evil people everywhere
Ringing dinnerware
And smiling faces
Traces of innocence keep piling up

Maybe I am
Unaware
Could be that, under my skin,
I burn with inconsistencies
Even then
Even if I am just in my head
I enjoy seeing good poetry
Write itself
In the folds of a paper ball
Rollin' 'round in soot.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Fundamentally, I feel this piece would benefit from some work on its form. It suffers from feeling clunky in places, what I like is the idea of a piece written in the flush of inspiration but I think that because of the structure this feeling, one which I think is key to the piece, is lost a little. I would like to see either shorter more punchy lines or longer more stream of consciousness style lineation.

Hope this helps you,

Cheers

Syd

Hoping this helps somewhat
 
Top