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In Solitude I Find the Way (1 Viewer)

stony

Senior Member
In solitude I find the way,
To words I've always meant to say,
To promises I aim to keep,
To dreams I tucked in corners deep,
Somewhere inside, a dusty heap.


And both at night and in the day,
In solitude I find the way,
To sort and stretch my cluttered thoughts,
To work and tug at mental knots,
And then decide which ones should stay.


When I've lost sight of why I'm here,
Distracted by a shroud of fear,
In solitude I find the way,
Back to the point I went astray,
And step again inside the clear.


When I am longing just to see,
A faded distant memory,
To travel in a reverie,
In solitude I find the way,
To call upon an elder day.


And during times when life is fraught,
My soul is drawn until it's taut,
This journey feels like all for naught,
When I am desperate to allay,
In solitude I find the way.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi stony - nice to meet you. Welcome to WF. Your poem really struck a chord with me on a personal level. I could really very much relate to it. I suppose poetry can be about lots of things and use all sorts of clever devices I'm yet to figure, but I've always thought if you get what you want out of it and then if someone else relates or is affected too. Well then your poems a success - and this poem certainly resounded with me. I think maybe in the future you could try using less rhyme, or less words that rhyme with each other 'keep, deep , heap' - at the end of sentences, but that's up to you. Other people can give you better advice than me. I just wanted to say that I like your poem and that I really related to it. Keep it up, I'll look forward to seeing what else you write. Cheers. All the best PG
 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
good piece stony that I enjoyed reading, considering, so thank for the read. I think the work to have solitude work through each line means you could relax the need to rhyme so much in a way the rhythm is broken by the rhyme.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I’ve read this a few times and each time I have it has grown on me, it’s clear that time and thought went into the structure and the rhythm of the piece. It is definitely a read that I have enjoyed and as I said it has improved on each re-reading.

All this being said, I have to admit that I find the rhythm and rhyme of the middle two stanzas a little jarring and strained. It feels forced through the middle of the piece which detracts from the soothing lilt of the rest of the piece.

I also agree with Peter in that I think the use of the words keep, deep, heap because they sound the same and have the same resonance makes it feel a little repetitive, the rhyme I don’t find to be a problem, but perhaps re-thinking and refining it, utilising it less, would make the use of rhyme more powerful and interesting for the reader.

Like I said at the start, really enjoyed the read

Cheers

Syd
 

stony

Senior Member
Hi stony - nice to meet you. Welcome to WF. Your poem really struck a chord with me on a personal level. I could really very much relate to it. I suppose poetry can be about lots of things and use all sorts of clever devices I'm yet to figure, but I've always thought if you get what you want out of it and then if someone else relates or is affected too. Well then your poems a success - and this poem certainly resounded with me. I think maybe in the future you could try using less rhyme, or less words that rhyme with each other 'keep, deep , heap' - at the end of sentences, but that's up to you. Other people can give you better advice than me. I just wanted to say that I like your poem and that I really related to it. Keep it up, I'll look forward to seeing what else you write. Cheers. All the best PG

Thank you for taking the time to read! I'll definitely take a closer look at the rhymes. I had a specific form in mind going in but it doesn't apply to the rhyme scheme. More to come!
 

stony

Senior Member
good piece stony that I enjoyed reading, considering, so thank for the read. I think the work to have solitude work through each line means you could relax the need to rhyme so much in a way the rhythm is broken by the rhyme.

Appreciate you reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it. It seems the rhymes need some work. I'm thankful for the feedback and wont' let it go to waste.
 

stony

Senior Member
Hello,

I’ve read this a few times and each time I have it has grown on me, it’s clear that time and thought went into the structure and the rhythm of the piece. It is definitely a read that I have enjoyed and as I said it has improved on each re-reading.

All this being said, I have to admit that I find the rhythm and rhyme of the middle two stanzas a little jarring and strained. It feels forced through the middle of the piece which detracts from the soothing lilt of the rest of the piece.

I also agree with Peter in that I think the use of the words keep, deep, heap because they sound the same and have the same resonance makes it feel a little repetitive, the rhyme I don’t find to be a problem, but perhaps re-thinking and refining it, utilising it less, would make the use of rhyme more powerful and interesting for the reader.

Like I said at the start, really enjoyed the read

Cheers

Syd

Thank you, Syd! I'm going to take your suggestions and see what I can do. I often try to mash my poems into rhymes (as you'll notice when I post others) because I enjoy how they sound but I'm probably too restrictive and it causes the writing to suffer. Thanks again!
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
In solitude I find the way,
To words I've always meant to say,
To promises I aim to keep,
To dreams I tucked in corners deep,
Somewhere inside, a dusty heap.


And both at night and in the day,
In solitude I find the way,
To sort and stretch my cluttered thoughts,
To work and tug at mental knots,
And then decide which ones should stay.


When I've lost sight of why I'm here,
Distracted by a shroud of fear,
In solitude I find the way,
Back to the point I went astray,
And step again inside the clear.


When I am longing just to see,
A faded distant memory,
To travel in a reverie,
In solitude I find the way,
To call upon an elder day.


And during times when life is fraught,
My soul is drawn until it's taut,
This journey feels like all for naught,
When I am desperate to allay,
In solitude I find the way.

I love EVERYTHING about this beautiful poem... the message resonates with me, as I am a solitary person who craves my alone time...
2nd stanza is fierce!

"And both at night and in the day
in solitude I find the way
to sort and stretch my cluttered thoughts
to work and tug at mental knots
and then decide which ones should stay"

Love these lines.... for me, this is the heart of your message...

I love your rhyme scheme, it is one I use myself, and you did it with such ease... fabulous... many times I use only 4 rhyming words and I use them in each stanza, just moving them from line to line...

The rhyme scheme adds poetic weight and tension to your message and almost makes it sound like a prayerful chant....

Welcome to the Poet's Showcase.... I hope to have the pleasure of reading more of your work...
 
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