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In Cairo there are three Niles!! (1 Viewer)

Since I've joined engineering faculty in Cairo , I've known that in Cairo there's not only one Nile . Actually there are three . I've known that because I love standing in front of the Nile and I do that a lot . There's that Nile in the morning . In the early morning you can see the blue Nile under a sky full of colors . The gray clouds , the red color which is caused by the sun when it's almost risen and the lights color reflecting on the surface of the water . Enjoying seeing people who are sailing . The second Nile is the one u can see at afternoon . you can the people crossing the bridge after a hard working day . In spite of their tiredness they enjoy the beautiful scene of the Nile's waving water reflecting bright sun's light . The third and the last Nile is the one at night . beginning at sunset and after that . That time you can see the lovers standing there , the families and children enjoying the reflected golden lights waving on the water's surface . You can see the tourists enjoying riding a boat across the Nile . Although it's very cold in the early morning and at night specially in front of the Nile but , I can tell that bearing the cold weather worth enjoying the very beautiful scene.
Asim Al Sayed Saif Al Nasr
12-1-2008
 

JohnN

Senior Member
Invisible337 - I enjoyed your piece quite a bit and found it an interesting read. However, some quick feedback.

1. Ensure your grammar and punctuation are correct otherwise people will stop reading and become lazy. The meaning of what you are saying can be lost due to these errors.

2. I would have made it a little longer and dedicated at least another 4-5 lines each for describing the three Niles.

Not a bad start though. I guess English is not your first language?
 
thanks a lot JohnN.
1. You're right about English not being my first lanuage and about the grammar errors.That's one of the reasons that made me join this forum.To improve my English.

2. I didn't choose this topic to write about.It just came up to my mind when I was looking to the Nile's water.When I write it I don't choose the words or the long of the topic.I just had a fusion of feelings and notions in my head and in my heart so,I write it down.

thanks again and I hope all readers will help me improve my English by criticizing me and showing me my mistakes
 

Lora

Member
Have you thought of turning this into a poem. It seems to be more poetic than prose-like. I mean, unless you include an event, other than standing by the Nile (Which is cool in and of itself), it lacks what it needs to be a story. I like what you have here, and I would love to see it in a poem.
 

MSWordUp

Member
I agree Lora. This would be a kick ass poem.

And invisible, you should invest in Strunk's Elements of Style or a similar grammar for dummies book. Would probably help a lot with getting to know the elements of the language.
 
thanks Lora for passing by. I really can't write poems in english. I don't know what the English poetry grammar is. I havn't reach the level of writing poetry yet, But, may be someday with your help and the people in this forum I will reach that level.

And thanks MSWordUp for the advice. I shall have it into my consideration
 
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