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Improve this! Writer’s Challenge/Game. (1 Viewer)

Llyralen

Senior Member
A little challenge....

How to play:
1. There will be a starting short paragraph or sentence.
2. Please quote the original sentence/paragraph and then rewrite it in your own words.
3. The person who first wrote the starting sentence will choose the re-write they like the best (as a winner) and the winner will write a new starting sentence or paragraph and so on.

I think it will be fun and interesting!

Tip: I think it might be best to choose original sentences/ short paragraph that are not part of any of your current projects just to keep the game lighthearted and flowing.
 
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Llyralen

Senior Member
#1. He must be the kind of man who has never experienced love with a woman who he has sex with. He seemed to categorize women as those he would or would not like to have sex with. Any idea of pursuing a woman for friendship or for mental stimulation along with sex eluded him. Since this man did not know what was possible between himself and women, since he only looked for sex and maybe some help with the dishes, Cassie reflected that his cycle of destructive relationships was unlikely to change.
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
#1. He must be the kind of man who has never experienced love with a woman who he has sex with. He seemed to categorize women as those he would or would not like to have sex with. Any idea of pursuing a woman for friendship or for mental stimulation along with sex eluded him. Since this man did not know what was possible between himself and women, since he only looked for sex and maybe some help with the dishes, Cassie reflected that his cycle of destructive relationships was unlikely to change.

He wasn’t interested in sex, the woman he loves showed no care towards his passion for poetry. The categories he placed women into came from his damaged childhood.
From his parents always pushing him into spaces he despised. His previous relationship destroyed his ability to treat her the way she so longed for. He knew this had to change.
It took the destruction of his relationship with Cassie to finally realise, he in fact was the problem., no matter how much he loved that girl, my god he adored everything she was.
 

Llyralen

Senior Member
#1. He must be the kind of man who has never experienced love with a woman who he has sex with. He seemed to categorize women as those he would or would not like to have sex with. Any idea of pursuing a woman for friendship or for mental stimulation along with sex eluded him. Since this man did not know what was possible between himself and women, since he only looked for sex and maybe some help with the dishes, Cassie reflected that his cycle of destructive relationships was unlikely to change.


It seemed like he classified women into only two categories, fuckable or unfuckable. Cassie wondered if the man had never experienced a loving and equal partnership with a woman? Maybe he did not know that you could want a woman for friendship and happiness as well as sex. Cassie reflected that since this man didn’t understand what could exist between men and women and didn’t know what else to look for except “fuckable” that he would probably continue along his path of destructive relationships.
 

Llyralen

Senior Member
He wasn’t interested in sex, the woman he loves showed no care towards his passion for poetry. The categories he placed women into came from his damaged childhood.
From his parents always pushing him into spaces he despised. His previous relationship destroyed his ability to treat her the way she so longed for. He knew this had to change.
It took the destruction of his relationship with Cassie to finally realise, he in fact was the problem., no matter how much he loved that girl, my god he adored everything she was.

Thank you for playing! You changed the type of man we are talking about from a Donald Trump type to a Romeo, and I wasn’t expecting the meaning of the content to change, but hey... I didn’t specify. You’re the winner! It is your turn, sir. Please give us a sentence or short paragraph to re-write.
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Thank you for playing! You changed the type of man we are talking about from a Donald Trump type to a Romeo, and I wasn’t expecting the meaning of the content to change, but hey... I didn’t specify. You’re the winner! It is your turn, sir. Please give us a sentence or short paragraph to re-write.

Jessica heard ghostly howls
drifting in from her window.
She kept it purposely open,
to be comforted from the
moonlight kissing her skin.
Usually moments before
she’d see a female silhouette
and vanish as she rose.
It was always just after midnight
this happened, they were
the essence of keeping,
Jessica alive. Since her Mother and Father
had passed away a few months ago.
 
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Llyralen

Senior Member
Jessica heard ghostly howls
drifting in from her window.
She kept it purposely open,
to be comforted from the
moonlight kissing her skin.
Usually moments before
she’d see a female silhouette
and vanish as she rose.
It was always just after midnight
this happened, they were
the essence of keeping,
Jessica alive. Since her Mother and Father
had passed away a few months ago.

It was just after midnight. Jessica kept the window purposefully open. The moonlight caressing her skin and the ghostly howls drifting in comforted her. Sometimes she would see the flicker of a female silhouette who vanished when she arose. These brushes with the dead were all that was keeping her alive since her parents passed a few months ago.


I might try a second one later in poem shape.
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
It was just after midnight. Jessica kept the window purposefully open. The moonlight caressing her skin and the ghostly howls drifting in comforted her. Sometimes she would see the flicker of a female silhouette who vanished when she arose. These brushes with the dead were all that was keeping her alive since her parents passed a few months ago.


I might try a second one later in poem shape.

Thank You, it’s lovely to try these out , I was inspired to write that from one of my poems.
I have the answer, that you may like.
 

Llyralen

Senior Member
Thank You, it’s lovely to try these out , I was inspired to write that from one of my poems.
I have the answer, that you may like.


I would when you choose a winner. Let’s give this one at least a day to see if anyone else wants to try. Plus I want to write my poem version later.
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
I would when you choose a winner. Let’s give this one at least a day to see if anyone else wants to try. Plus I want to write my poem version later.

Of course, after all you are the one that created this lovely post. [emoji3590]
 

Llyralen

Senior Member
It was just after midnight. Jessica kept the window purposefully open. The moonlight caressing her skin and the ghostly howls drifting in comforted her. Sometimes she would see the flicker of a female silhouette who vanished when she arose. These brushes with the dead were all that was keeping her alive since her parents passed a few months ago.


I might try a second one later in poem shape.

This poem/story should be a song. Kind of "Long Black Veil" style.


Every night in the chill
In the cold at midnight
banshee cries give a thrill
not the slightest fright

The dead come to keep her alive
The dead keep her alive

Moonlight kissed her skin
Apparitions whispered her name
white silhouettes waned thin
when again the morning came

Two months ago her parents' died
Now their ghosts keep her alive
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
This poem/story should be a song. Kind of "Long Black Veil" style.


Every night in the chill
In the cold at midnight
banshee cries give a thrill
not the slightest fright

The dead come to keep her alive
The dead keep her alive

Moonlight kissed her skin
Apparitions whispered her name
white silhouettes waned thin
when again the morning came

Two months ago her parents' died
Now their ghosts keep her alive

So beautifully written [emoji3590][emoji3590]
My reply was from this poem I wrote.
218a72a258ddaee3eecbb1cf9191caa2.jpg
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member

Thank You very much, I have thought at one point of possibly writing lyrics, I’ve been writing 5 weeks and I have a few nice pieces.
Thank You [emoji4]
 

Llyralen

Senior Member
9cc8c46cc2b1d935acf9ef0a951d3ce9.jpg

My favourite one of mine.


Im very serious about this poem being good. It has a Pablo Neruda feel to it that is hard to find. You must keep writing! I did write something— not as good as yours— along the same theme about a friendship. Friendships really take a chunk out of us when they end for whatever reason they end for, don’t they? I think some people are a bit more casual about friendships but they are so important! So important!
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Im very serious about this poem being good. It has a Pablo Neruda feel to it that is hard to find. You must keep writing! I did write something— not as good as yours— along the same theme about a friendship. Friendships really take a chunk out of us when they end for whatever reason they end for, don’t they? I think some people are a bit more casual about friendships but they are so important! So important!

Thank You very much, that’s so kind of you to say. Yes they are definitely.
This is what the editor said and my other one that was awarded. X
70e3f2bfefd71611deb129a2e2a71a6f.jpg

c39d196f6844112e9180336d63be1880.jpg
 
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