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icky stickly beasties (1 Viewer)

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
icky stickly beasties #1

Icky stickly little creatures
crawling creeping laughing weeping
nightfall falling horror calling
shadow beasties grouse about

In this night of darkly sorrow
death is knocking howling screaming
head is reeling talons squeezing
soul is bleeding beasties feeding

In the cracks in hidden darkness
they are waiting watching thirsting
not the innocent just the wounded
forever feasting terror breathing never sleeping



commentary:

we can't waits to eat you
you humans can be such nasty things
 
Last edited:

Pulse

Staff member
Senior Mentor
bob

Could your 'note' become a couplet? It gives me the sense the eponymous beasties deem humans immoral, yet suitable for feasties.
 

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
bob

Could your 'note' become a couplet? It gives me the sense the eponymous beasties deem humans immoral, yet suitable for feasties.

I like that idea- This is a continuing series of mine -so far I have twenty of these- In notes I wanted my beasties to give some commentary to the humans reading it. I love the idea of putting them in couplets- which I will start doing and yes the beasties think many humans are immoral and quite suitable for snacking on.

My beasties tell me that you're one of the good and moral humans and will be immune to their wrath. Again my thanks for that suggestion...
 

Pulse

Staff member
Senior Mentor
Thank you, bob. I only realised after I had posted my comment that this is the Showcase so it might be the wrong kind of feedback.
 

Darren White

co-owner and admin
Staff member
Co-Owner
The poem can be understood in so many ways, and none of it favourable for humans. At the same time it has such an innocent nursery rhyme quality. Lovely :)
 

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
Thank you, bob. I only realised after I had posted my comment that this is the Showcase so it might be the wrong kind of feedback.

Not at all--feedback is encouraged suggestions and such- but in depth critique is for the workshop. My beasties loved your suggestion and would always welcome more....
 
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