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I Wanted The Farmhouse To Have Personality (2 Viewers)

MistWolf

Senior Member
If I may-

I think the sentence about razing the valley is a bit confusing and needs to be tightened up. Something like "If hell itself razed all else in the valley to the ground, this resolute sentinel would still be standing." I do like this way of describing how permanent the farmhouse is and want this sentence work.

It should be "kitchen-cum-living room".

The scent should exude from the flagstones and permeate the air.

I like the effect of the rough hewn wood being smoothed, but the sentence doesn't... flow? Is a mixed metaphor? Can't quite put my finger on it.

Please let this story retain its British voice. I love writing that exposes the reader to other cultures.
 

TheMightyAz

Senior Member
If I may-

I think the sentence about razing the valley is a bit confusing and needs to be tightened up. Something like "If hell itself razed all else in the valley to the ground, this resolute sentinel would still be standing." I do like this way of describing how permanent the farmhouse is and want this sentence work.

It should be "kitchen-cum-living room".

The scent should exude from the flagstones and permeate the air.

I like the effect of the rough hewn wood being smoothed, but the sentence doesn't... flow? Is a mixed metaphor? Can't quite put my finger on it.

Please let this story retain its British voice. I love writing that exposes the reader to other cultures.

Is it really 'kitchen-cum-living room'? I thought people were joking. There's only one thing I associate with that word and it feels odd using it here. I just looked it up and you're right. Well ... there you go lol. Permeate means to spread through and inhabit fully. I think it works to be honest, although I may see if I can find a different word. I had an issue with 'rough hewn' not gelling with 'smoothed' too. But I figured the 'smoothed' was an action that removed the roughness. A bit like 'he planed the rough wood'. But again, I'll look at that. It'll stay British but could you let me know if there's any indication it isn't. It's just odd you've said that.
 

Matchu

Senior Member
I believe the section might be transformed if placed in a dialogue

[FONT=&Verdana]As beautiful as Eldmoore Valley is... ... ... it hasn’t been the deciding factor when scouting for a new home! '

'No?'

'No. Bollanger or Verve Cliquot?'

'Bolly for me, thank you.'

'If the heavens rained hell itself upon the valley, even with all else razed to the ground, this resolute stone sentinel would still be standing. Hoh hoh hoh!

[/FONT]
'Marvellous.'

[FONT=&Verdana]'Each room is simple and functional, while the narrow stairs and landing underline this build philosophy. The choppy, thick bricks and twisted wood solidify it fff...further. Cool to the palm and hard to a knuckle.'

[/FONT]
'Look chap, I think I'll finish the glass and head out for a jump in the well.'

[FONT=&Verdana]'Right ho. Sarah adores the all in one kitchen-cum-living room, '

'Does she?'

'...with its extended worktop partitioning the two halves. We both love the woodwork, rough hewed, gnarled and knotty, smooth as if honed by the ocean a millennia ago.

'Bye!'

'An exquisite earthy scent permeats the flagstone flooring, ferric and acute, a gift from the bedrock. Bold king posts with cross beams unite the design, and at night, when the wall lights shine, shadows criss-cross the V of the ceiling. Darling, where's Ranald to...darling, darling, what's for supper?'[/FONT]
 

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