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I want to live moments, not a life (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Chirp of sparrows,
chatter of squirrels,
tinkling of little bells,
Clicking by beetles,
I want to,
feel drops,
touch granules,
see a bud pop,
come across,
rays of dawn breaking,
a hazy canvas wiping itself,
for new colours to give it a meaning.
Staying curious,
living minuteness,
more like the,
perspective of a child.
I just want to live moments,
dry, wet, hot, cold moments,
not a life.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal
 
Last edited:

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
I want to live moments.
I want to feel drops,
I want to touch granules,
I want to see a bud pop,
I want to come across,
rays of dawn breaking,
a hazy canvas wiping itself,
For new colours to give it a meaning,
Chirp of sparrows,
chatter of squirrels,
tinkling of little bells,
Clicking by beetles,
I want to stay curious,
living minuteness,
More of like as,
perspective of a child,
I just want to live moments,
dry, wet, hot, cold moments,
not a life.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal

Anything but a life of boredom, to keep the child inside us alive. Passion over boredom always.
Thank you.

J.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
I like the way in which you show the reader in quick succession what the speaker wants but I think you could strengthen the piece by expanding on these desires as they appear in the piece. Currently the expansion the explanation of the speaker’s desire comes and feels like an afterthought at the end, I think that should be the central motif of the piece.

Cheers

Syd
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
I like the way in which you show the reader in quick succession what the speaker wants but I think you could strengthen the piece by expanding on these desires as they appear in the piece. Currently the expansion the explanation of the speaker’s desire comes and feels like an afterthought at the end, I think that should be the central motif of the piece.

Cheers

Syd
Ok Syd
. I will rethink on it.

Thanks for your continuous endeavors for making it come better.

Good luck
Ritu
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
Very well said. I think that this is the key to living a very peaceful and fulfilled life. Not so much worrying about the full end result, but more so taking it the magic that is every moment you're currently breathing through. Thank you for this reminder today, I needed it.

-Annie
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Very well said. I think that this is the key to living a very peaceful and fulfilled life. Not so much worrying about the full end result, but more so taking it the magic that is every moment you're currently breathing through. Thank you for this reminder today, I needed it.

-Annie

I am glad Annie that you liked it.

Thanks

Ritu
 
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