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"I Love My Reputation" (1 Viewer)

H

Holls

Or so reads the sticker on Ginny's locker. I wonder if it was put there to relay or remind.
From what I have gathered from the other girls, last night was busy and Ginny decided to take the day off.
"Military volleyball teams are in town", Sky explains, smiling. "I just got an outcall and told the guy he'd have to be gentle on the cookie".
Sky - a vast expanse of energy and at 19, the youngest girl here.
Also, an endless source of information. When I first met her, she advises me not to "ever let a guy stick anything up your ass. I don't give a shit what it is - fingers, produce, dildo, car keys - it’s fucking sick. And trust me, they'll try".
Mercedes, laughing, had piped in, "We work in the only industry where the client knows we think they're scum. Makes customer satisfaction a synch."

Mercedes has been in the bathroom since I arrived. Its quiet, which I'm told probably means she's crying.

"You look tense, hon. Have some Green tea." Sky pushes her mug across the table and winks. "Good for the soul". She starts putting on mascara.

I light a cigarette and stare at the mug.

Sky sighs, obviously discouraged with me. "Oh come on. You totally against doing anything to better yourself?"

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Doesn't really answer the question, does it?" she quips.

I laugh. "You should've been a lawyer".

"Oh, I should have been a great many things" Sky exclaims dramatically, putting the back of her hand to her forehead and feigning despair. "But instead I'm a whore, and if you think about it, it's a variation on a universal theme". She continues putting on her mascara then stops, looking at me in the mirror. "What exactly do you do again?"

"I write".

"See? Creative prostitution. Same shit."

(*This is about an experience I had recently while researching for a novel*)
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
your subject/title is confusing... why is the part in parens cut off like that?... what is it supposed to mean, and is that part of the title of the piece?
 
H

Holls

I hope this is more clear now.

The subject was cut off, for some reason - probably something I did.
 

lisajane

Senior Member
I like this. I like how you have the title, and then it starts explaining and following on in the story. That's cool but I don't know how many will get confused by that.

You need to look over your punctuation. Some parts of the dialogue confused me, trying to work out who was speaking. Especially:

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Doesn't really answer the question, does it?"

I laugh. "You should've been a lawyer."

"Oh, I should have been a great many things," Sky exlaims dramatically...

The fact that you have I laugh before the dialogue made me think it was the narrator saying that, but when I started sorting it out it was actually Sky who said it, and then you've got a space followed by more dialogue by Sky... which should really only happen if it's a new speaker. And it's not. Very confusing! :?

You should stick to the same formatting. You start putting spaces between the paragraphs halfway through the story. Keep that for the whole thing.

Love the last line!
 

Novicewriter

Senior Member
Holls..I did find it a bit confusing...but I think I got the general idea and well, I must say that it's very hard-edged and true to life...maybe i'm missing it by a mile but at least I am trying..

Novicewriter
 
H

Holls

Ok. I hope this is now more clear.

I evidently really need help with my narrative writing! :)

It was not Sky who was laughing, it was me. Please do let me know if it still doesn't make sense.
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
"I wonder if it was put there to relay or remind. "

i can't figure out what you mean by 'relay' in this sentence... am i being dense?... if you mean 'to pass on to others' i don't think it works as well as it should...
 

Novicewriter

Senior Member
Holls....It does make sense to me now :) Like I said last night, I liked it...it was real, had emotion, everything.... I can't wait to read more.

NW
 
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