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I have no idea where I am going with this? (1 Viewer)

Reject

Senior Member
Perhaps court if I leave in a reference to arches of a gold colour?

I can't work on my novel at the moment, the urge to write though won't go away. This is a two minute creation, pure fiction with a twist of social commentary. Perhaps the manager could develop as a character? Perhaps I could stop waffling and let you waste 30 seconds of your life reading this rot? Brutal as you like, my skin is thicker than a rhino!

Jealously guarded, the sodium chloride was added by the experienced manager, nearly four months in post and hated by his staff and of no significance to his customers. Not a hair out of place, ironed shirt and trousers, a company man by the age of 19. With a wage that the government felt was one that could be lived on yet the prices of goods in the stores around told him it wasn't.

The golden arches were the sign of feckless abandonment of the pursuit of happiness and acceptance of the unacceptable. Bland tasteless profit engorging cheapest cuts of meat, chemical potency disguised as apple pie, presented in a garish package with a warning that the contents may be hot, which the stupid read as they burnt their mouth risking a bite. Tea served in such a manner that the plastic cup melted just a little, enough to add a modicum of taste to the liquid, proudly displaying the legend Caution I'm hot. When people keep coming again and again, when the profits mount and the quality stays the same, perhaps we could expect more signs in our lives? Reminders to breathe in and to exhale?

No one smiles in this factory. In front of or behind the counter. The robotic enquirer,says something inaudible, did he ask if I wanted fries with that or did he wish death upon me? The world will not end in nuclear desolation or be swallowed by the sun, the world is ending today, they are killing us with their ideas of corporate family fun?
 

LeeC

WF Veterans
Great little satire :) Thought I heard some time back that they stopped using the plasticized cups, but I wouldn't know.

Bring it on. Fired my synapses to bring forth to different thoughts.

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die anymore than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." ~ George Bernard Shaw

“It is, of course, one of the miracles of science that the germs that used to be in our food have been replaced by poisons.” ~ Wendell Berry
 

Greimour

WF Veterans
As far as prose goes I would touch it up a bit but for the piece itself; I found myself relating to it a little. Especially the plastic cups that -though no longer used in shops- still insist on being the cup of value from vending machines. Cardboard rimming doing plenty to avoid scalding hands but little for the slowly melting cup.

For the reminders in life such as "Careful, I'm hot." - it reminds me of Peter Kay who found it incredibly funny to point out a "Do not use in the shower" warning on a hair dryer. Not only because it was stupidly obvious that one should not use it in a shower - but because the warning meant someone had actually been stupid enough to do it. The memory association made me smile.

A few comma placements made me frown in some parts of the reading but mostly I smiled at the piece and wondered how much more you could draw out of the piece (without going further back or forward in time and sticking purely with the material presented here).

Enjoyed.


~Kev,
 

Reject

Senior Member
Points taken Kev. It was written and posted within five minutes. I wonder if the Peter Kay "thing" (pun intended!) was in the back of my mind when I wrote it? Now you have mentioned it I do recall tears running down my leg on watching him doing that very routine!

I am the sort of bloke who takes signs saying "Wet Floor" in public conveniences as an instruction!
 

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