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hows this for an idea? (1 Viewer)

Guitar_chick133

Senior Member
I posted this in a reply somewhere, oh well, anyway.

I was wanting to turn it into some kind of puzzling kind of mystery-comedy type thing


this is how I wrote it down. ( one of my many idea pieces I spew onto the pages of my note book, and then hopefully getting a good story by putting the pieces together :razz: lovely imagry right? lol.)

this started out as a line from a book called "the Pocket muse" that my sister has ( she is a writer as well.)

Todays Horoscope: A dull person will suddenly become interesting.

so I wrote:

"He came into work, same as always. He walked by the same people, said the same things, he even mouthed their same responses to himself, everyday. He sat down at his same old desk, and turned around in his same old chair to greet his same old friend. Only today, he wasn't there."


it's a piece of an idea I tried to work into a story, but havn't got around to it yet. I was thinking after that his friends phone rings and he answers it. kind of a normal person put into extrodinary circumstances. this might sound like something else, that thought is always in the back of my mind.
 

Guitar_chick133

Senior Member
oh, yeah, I ment Screenplay, that what I write. I say Story alot, I'm not sure why. I think I mean the story of whats going on, in the screenplay.
 

Sock

Senior Member
Sounds familiar. Not to say it wouldn't be good. I think I read a book about this when I was younger. Could be interesting but I can't imagine how you would keep it going. I'd like to hear some of your plot ideas.
 
H

hourman

There isn't much of a story there, just something you thought up. I suggest maturing it. Because, it right now its...nothing at all. No one would be jumping out of their seats saying "WHAT?! NOT AT WORK?!" if someone didn't show up one day. Get a whole story together, it could turn out to be something really good.
 

Wallmaker

Senior Member
Okay, this is really what I'd call an inciting incident... which is an important piece in yourscript... maybe about 10-15 pages in. But like the other posts, what this signifies isn't it the logline you gave us. What is the importance/signifigance of him not being there? The next scene could simply be: Where's Dave? Another person replies: "He's at home with a cold." And your protagonist says, "oh," and goes to work. Story's over.

But you could bulk it up by saying your guy is the attendance King, not out of choice, but he's really this boring ole guy who lives at his work. Now he's buddy or antagonist at work wants to beat the attendence record for that extra Christmas bonus... yadda yadda. He's determined, he's got a plan to somehow make up days on the weekends so the protagonist will lose...

And then, after all that hubub, this antagonist doesn't come into work... for days.

Now something's clearly up. Is he psyching out our current reluctant attendance king? Is he dead in an ally somewhere? Who will care at this boring monatomous building except for the protagonist who knows this guy MEANT to be there?

This is, my dramatic, over the top example. If you like some bits, go ahead and use them. If I were you, I'd write more about this comic mystery of yours. Think about the benefits of starting with a dull, boring, character... for starters that can be hard: he's dull and boring... secondly, what do you want him to learn in this story? How not to be dull and boring? This reminds me of the Stranger Than Fiction protagonist who lead an empty life until one day, he hears a voice saying he's going to die (that's their inciting incident).

Write and ask some questions. What do you want your protagonist to learn about himself? What do we hope will happen for him... and worse, what do we fear?

Have fun!

-Kay
 

Guitar_chick133

Senior Member
hey, thanks :)

I actually wrote that "idea" down a few months ago, i have an odd way of writing things down some times, and i usually let ideas run around in my head for a little while, let them pick up bits and pieces of story elements and what not while they go. so when i write stuff down they are a little sparse and confusing ( not to me of course :p)


but yeah that one in particular i had the thought that he was kind of dull, but really smart, and with the friend i was thinking that he turned around and wasn't there, so he thought nothing of it kind of an " oh, okay." moment until his phone starts ringing off the hook ( yeah, another cliche i know, i tend to get those alot in my "stories") when he answers it he finds out that his friend will be killed unless he does something for them, something he has to figure out in order to obtain something they want maybe.


I'm not sure really, this is turning into one big cliche, i guess because i like to twist cliches around some times, although i sometimes i'm not alwyas sure how.

thats why i like asking for help sometimes. to get some fresh perspectives.
 
W

WriterDude

The way I see it, this could go several ways.

* The phone rings. A voice goes: "We have Dave. Give us a million dollars by Wednesday, or he dies." (today being Monday). How far will the main character go to save Dave? And can the voice on the phone be trusted? Is Dave really in danger, or could the voice on the phone be Dave?

* Turns out Dave isn't who everyone thinks he is. Dave could be a serial killer, under-cover agent fighting corruption in the company the main character works, a spy from a rival company or something like that. If Dave is a bad guy, perhaps the police thinks the main character is bad as well as he worked close to Dave for years?

* "Where's Dave?" "He's at home with a cold." "Oh. Perhaps I should go see him after work." Only when the main character visits Dave, he finds the entire house empty. Perhaps the door was unlocked, but there are clear signs of a struggle inside. What happened to Dave, and why?

* And of course, a dull person will suddenly becoming interesting? Kinda like Louis Lane finally learning who the dull, boring nerd Clark Kent really is? ;)
 

Guitar_chick133

Senior Member
i started writing this down ( as i do with all my ideas) and got all kinds of stuff....lol. one of the things i wrote down is kind of detailed so...ummm... yeah, just tell me what you think i guess. i still feel kind of unomfortable telling stuff about my ideas, how do i know people won't steal em'? lol.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay, lets see, lets say,the guy who is a dull person, who walks into work, doing the same thing as always, finds his Co-worker friend is not in. he asks if he called in sick or something and they said no, he just didn't show up. suddenly his cell phone rings.
"hello?"
"Mr. Spencer"
"yes."
"Do you know a Mr. Dave Grant"
"yes, we work together, who is this?"
"I'm sorry, sir, this is the Police, your friend was found dead last night, you where the only contact he had in his phone."

he could be having to do what dave was supose to do, but couldn't, thats why he was killed. he could be contacted later.
 
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